It's Just a Phase

I feel that after you start having kids, the above phrase is one you hear quite frequently. It's Just a Phase. It will pass. They will grow out of it. Some of these phases, you can't wait for them to grow out of. SOme days it can feel like you are checking things off an imaginary check list. Newborn stage, complete. Colic phase, complete. Teething, check! But as you get to the next stage you realize that the one you just left wasn't so bad. Some phases you may even wish for again.

The first four months after Ethan was born was hard. He had such bad colic and screamed all the time. His fussiest period was between 11pm and 3 am. I can remember walking him around the house, silently screaming at him to be quiet. Wishing I could sleep. Knowing that when I was able to fall asleep, it wouldn't be long before Gianna woke up. Now he is almost 10 months old and some days I feel nostalgic for those days long ago. I would love to just walk around and hold him for hours on end. Now I have a baby who likes to be held for short periods of time, but forget about it when he's trying to fall asleep. The other night was a rare exception. Ethan is currently getting 5 teeth in at once and teething has been really rough this time for him. He was up fussing and screaming and the only thing that would work was to hold him and rock him. I gladly went into his room, picked him up and together we sat and rocked for what felt like hours. It was the best feeling in the world. To sit and hold my baby boy without him arching his back to be put down. I couldn't remember the last time he had let me hold him as he fell asleep. As the tears fell I whispered to him a line from my favorite book, "I'll like you forever, I'll love you for always, as long as I'm living my baby you'll be. And he will.

Gianna is also having some issues. Her's dealing with sleep. From 10mths up she had no issues sleeping in her crib. A few weeks ago she started waking up in the mornings screaming her head off. After a few mornings of that I went to put her in her crib for nap time and she kicked and screamed. It wasn't a I don't want to take a nap scream, it was an I'm terrified of this room, get me out of here scream. Same thing happened at night time. So we converted her bed to a full, decorated her room and made a big deal outta her big girl room. No dice. So every night for the past few weeks one of us has to go to bed with her. After she is asleep we sneak out but in the middle of the night we are summoned back into her room by the sound of her screaming. Some nights I'll be honest, I get so annoyed having to lay with her. As I'm laying with her all I can think about is the kitchen that needs to be clean, or the toys that need to be put away, or the time I could be spending with the hubby or that the Real Housewives of Orange County is on. Last night however, she fell asleep on her own. And that made me sad. For I missed laying with her. And I vowed that if she needed me to sleep with her again I would never will that time away

I find myself constantly saying things like I can't wait until the kids are out of diapers, or Ethan is done with formula or until Ethan is more mobile and I have to remind myself that one day I will be wishing I had enjoyed more of these little annoyances, or these phases and not wished them away so quickly. I have a feeling that when my kids are out of the house I will be walking around my empty house wishing there was a little girl that needed her mommy to lay with her as she fell asleep, or that there was a little boy who needed to be walked and bounced for hours just so he could sleep. So while every minute of motherhood isn't easy. In fact it can be frustrating, annoying, and feel endless, I need to remember that these moments are fleeting. For as they grow older, they will need me less and less. So yes it is just a phase. And it will pass. Quickly, very quickly and one day you may want that phase back. So my goal is to stop making everything a checklist, a list of phases to be conquered and completed before moving to the next one and instead to just taking a deep breath and handling them as they come. Trying to enjoy every moment as much as possible