Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Light at the End of the Tunnell

This past week has been beyond stressful. At many times during the day I had to control myself from literally having an emotional break down. I hardly talked to the hubby and have spent my nights waiting for the phone to ring. This causes me to not sleep or have nightmares when I do and I can barely get out of bed in the mornings to go to work.

Besides stressing out about not hearing from the hubs, I had a huge exam coming up this week. Since friday I have been studying for this exam non stop. As I've mentioned in the past I work Saturday's all day from 8-3 leaving class and homework till sunday's. I seriously dread the weekends. It has been months since I've had a free day to myself. By Monday I was ready to say screw studying, I don't care if I pass the exam. Since this is for my career and the class a stipulation for my job, failing the exam wasn't an option. So I studied and studied. I should mention that I am the world's worst test taker. I over analyze questions and think too much and therefore put down wrong answers. I knew that with the pressure of this exam that I was going to have to work at not over analyzing everything. So starting Friday, I didn't allow myself to watch any tv, answer any phone calls that weren't work related after 4pm and forced myself to study all night long. I was going to ace this exam come friday and be done with school officially.

I studied all night last night and went to bed feeling overwhelmed. I didn't hear from the hubby which once again increased my anxiety and once again I found myself forcing myself to go to work this morning. Well along the way to work I got stuck in traffic, putting me fifteen minutes late. I was driving in a 45 zone and not paying attention to the signs. Since it was 8:15, I thought I was out of the school zone and even if I wasn't that the zone hours ended at 8am. So down the street I go doing a nice and fast 52. Well I look in my rearview mirror and see not one but two cop cars with flashing lights chasing me down the street. I immediately pull over to the right side of the road, which I thought you were supposed to do. At least that's law in Wisconsin. Well the cop pulls out his blow horn and starts yelling at me to pull in the middle lane. How embarassing. So here I am in the middle lane of traffic, with two cop cars behind me. All for speeding. So the first officer comes out of his car and I hand him my license and registration. I give him my age and DOB and he tells me I was going 52 in a school zone. Then he turns and off he goes to his car. Well he comes back to my car about 5 minutes later telling me that I am not giving him enough information and that my date of birth isn't on my license. As someone with a bachelor's in criminal justice and many family member's on the police force back home I had to restrain myself from asking the cop where he got his degree. Because on my license the DOB is highlighted and printed in big red bold words. So I point it out to him and he still doesn't see it and says I need to start giving him information. I calmly point it out again, he writes it down and hands me my citation. Explaining that I don't have to go to court for this incident. Well as I'm driving away I look at the price of my ticket. $30.00 for the violation and $130.00 for court costs putting me at whopping $160.00. I guess here in NC you have to pay court costs even if you don't have to go to court and if I were to take it to court or hire a lawyer I'd only lose the ticket fee and still have to pay the court costs. Awesome

So off I go, crying and blubbering on my way to work. I whip out my iphone and email my hubby a very mature message explaining that I got a speeding ticket and that if he's going to be mad at me to not call. I know, how awful am I .

Well after my first client I had a huge break and headed home to calm down and study some more. As I was studying the information, I realized I wasn't retaining anything and that the more I studied the more confused I was going to get. So I called up the learning center where I was getting my exam proctored and moved my test appt from friday to today. I didn't think I was going to pass at all. I was so nervous. The test consisted of 180 multiple choice questions and in order to pass the class I needed a 70%.

Well an hour later, I was finished and received my score. An 85%! I passed!! I have my life back! I can now relax on the weekends, spend time with friends and not have to worry about studying or taking exams. This will be the first time I'm not in school since preschool. No joke.

Now I am off to have a glass of wine, read a little bit of Behind the Blue Star Banner by Michelle Cuthrell and sit back and watch season 2 of Army Wives!

Oh and friday, in place of taking my test I am treating myself to a hair appointment. Life is good. Now I am just awaiting a call from the hubby and my day will be complete

Monday, March 29, 2010

Blog Meet Up and some new blog awards

I lied yesterday when I said I'd be back to blog about my bloggy meet up and to finally get to some awards I was presented with. I've been busy studying for my final exam this coming friday but instead of studying now I decided to blog

First to the awards..
I was presented this award

Thanks Mateya!

The rules are as follows

1. Thank the person who nominated you for this award and insert a link to their blog.
Already did!

2. Pass on the award to 7 other bloggers who you think have a Beautiful Blog!
KPOD at Feels Like Home to Me because she is my first blogger friend who I actually had the opportunity to meet up with in person yesterday!!
Mrs. Muffins since she created my lovely blog for me, for free and is just amazing!
Sara from When In Rome
Erin from The Unexpected Army Life
Jen from A Girl in Pearls and a boy with toys!
Laura at Army Wife Life
Mrs G.I. Joe at Acu's, Stiletto Shoes and Pretty Pink Tutu's

3. Contact the other bloggers and let them know they have been chosen for this award.

Will do :)

4. Say 7 things about yourself.

1. I am a proud army wife!
2. I knew M was with the one for me after only knowing him for two days
3. I hopefully will be finished with school on Friday. I have been in school since preschool and am looking forward to not being a student anymore
4. I have no backbone and think I need to start getting one lol
5. I am addicted to planner's and have three at the moment. One for my house, one for my purse and one for my work bag. And yes they all have things written in them
6. One day I am hoping to write a book. Maybe since I don't have school to focus on anymore I can start writing it
7. I love the colors purple and teal!

Alright, on to the 2nd award I received.

This one is from my blogger BFF Amber. Thanks Amber!!!

The Rules for this one are as follows

The rules are quite simple:
1. List 6 things you are a master in.
2. Pass it on to 6 bloggers you think are masters

Oh man, this is a hard one

1. Well first I would have to say I am a master at SHOPPING. I love shopping and can't go into a store without buying a ton of stuff. Barnes and Nobles, Target, Forever 21, and Hobby Lobby are just a few of the stores I frequent and always leave with bags full of stuff and an empty wallet

2. Cooking-I love cooking and trying out new recipes. Even though my hubby is deployed and I'm enjoying a break from cooking, I can't wait until he returns and I can once again prepare elaborate meals!

3. Applied Behavior Analysis-Since I am studying Applied Behavior Analysis and hope to be certified in this after my exam on Friday, I better be a master in it. I have four more days to prove that I am!

4. Texting-I text a mile a minute and am rarely away from my phone. My hubby always teases me and says if there was a texting competition over who could text the fastest I would win!!

5. Reading- I love love reading and can go through books in a few days. I can't wait until school is over so I can start reading the stack of books piling up on my nightstand

6.Planning- I love to plan things. I have a ton of planner's and calendar's which I use to keep track of my daily, weekly and monthly activities. Once I get an idea in my head I start to plan it out. M says I plan things to early in advance, but it helps me to stay organized!

I want to thank everyone for all the kind comments about M's deployment. I greatly appreciate all your support. It makes my day knowing I can turn to y'all to vent or for some advice. So I pass this award on to all of you for being so kind and compassionate these last few days! Thanks so much for everything!!

ALright and finally on to my bloggy meet up!

I am no stranger to meeting people online. I met my husband online, well through his sister technically and when I moved to Ft. Bragg I met most of my fellow mil spouse friends through facebook or

However, I still get nervous when I have to meet new people and here is why. I've been at Bragg for a year now and still haven't met that many people. I have a few close army wife bff's but other than that all the other friends I have made online and met up with turned out to go nowhere. I have had meet ups with people where we just didn't click and then I've had meet up's with people where we meet, click, hang out frequently, then all of a sudden we stop talking. Then your left wandering what you did wrong or why so and so doesn't talk to you anymore. So as excited as I was to meet up with KPOD, I was a little nervous that our blogger friendship wouldn't go anywhere in the real world.

I always used to joke with my hubby and fellow mil spouse friend whom I met online that meeting new friends is a little like dating. After meeting them you wander if they like you, if they will want to hang out again, and how many days do you need to wait before calling and making plans. I swear I am not as crazy as this post is making me sound. It's just the reality of trying to meet friends in a new town where you know no one

But as nervous as I was to meet someone new, I was very excited to meet another mil spouse in the area and a fellow blogger friend

The meet up was a ton of fun. We went out to brunch at Ruby Tuesdays, which was surprisingly good and had a great time chatting and getting to know each other. It was also exciting to meet a fellow Catholic in a town of baptists and Methodists(No offense to any one who practices). We currently have hubby's deployed and have been here about a year. We each got to Bragg during the same month actually. It def wasn't an awkward get together at all and I hope that we will have plenty more opportunities to hang out in the future!

Happy Monday everyone. Sorry for the long post

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Getting to know you sunday

I jumped on the bandwagon over at MannLannd5 and decided to participate in this weeks Getting to Know you Sunday.

Here are the questions

1 - Why did you start blogging?

I always wanted to be a writer, every since I was little I always was writing short stories and b"working on a book". Then as I married a military man I thought it would be fun to write a book about our experiences together. I thought blogging would be good way to practice my writing. However it turned into an even better way to connect with military spouses who are experiencing what I am and have experienced and also to meet many new people and start many new and amazing blogger friendships!

2 - Who's the one blog friend that you would want to meet most in "real life"?

I would love to meet you all. I actually had my first bloggy meet up today. I met KPOD today for brunch. It was so much fun. I had a great time meeting up with another military spouse in the area and chit chatting about anything and everything. Since her hubby is deployed along with mine I am hoping for many more bloggy meet up's. Also in a few weeks I will be heading up to Charlotte to meet up with my bloggy BFF, Amber! There are a variety of other blogger's that I know if we met in person we would be great friends!

3 - Why are you always concerned with losing that "extra 10 pounds" when chances are your husband/boyfriend/friends tell you that you look just fine the way you are?

During my hubby's last deployment I packed on the pounds. I gained about 15 pounds putting me at the heaviest I have ever been. I lost most of it before he returned but then living with a hubby,who had only eaten rice, beans and goat for the last 9 months, who now wanted to eat at every restaurant imaginable, I started to gain the weight again. So now that he is gone I am trying to adopt a more healthy lifestyle and lose some weight before he gets home. Not to mention it will be swimsuit season in a few short months.

4 - What's the one thing you wish guys could understand about you?

Hmm, that I'm very emotional. My hubby is still getting used to this. I can't help it

5 - Tattoos. How many do you have and how many are visible when you wear your "everyday" clothes?

I have 8!! I know, I know. You are all thinking, What!!! They are all small and only one can be seen when I wear clothes and that is the tattoo on my foot which is only visible when I wear heels or flip flops

6 - What was the best year of your life and why?

I have two. First would be 2008 when I married my soulmate and best friend. But this past year, 2009 would have to be the best year yet. My hubby was home from his deployment, I was finally moved down to NC and we were starting our new life together as hubby and wife.

7 - Name three things you would do if you were a man for one day.

Walk around topless, pee standing up and be lazy!!!

8 - What's your alcoholic drink of choice that usually raises a few eyebrows?

Being from Wisconsin, I am strictly a Miller Lite girl but the one drink that raises eyebrow's isn't really a drink. It's a shot called Liquid cocaine-Rumple mints, Goldschlauger and I can't recall the final ingredient that makes this shot so yummy!!!

I will be back later posting about my bloggy meet up and finally getting to some awards I had received a few days ago!!

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Day 3 and a shout out!!

It's been three days since M left and it still hasn't sank in yet. Yesterday as I pulled into our apartment complex I saw M 's car in his usual parking spot and I thought to myself, yay M's home from work early. Then I realized that it was I who had parked his car there and that he wouldn't be home for another 3-4 months. These past few days I have been walking around with that empty feeling in the pit of my stomach. I don't feel like doing anything besides sleeping or reading a good book but when I try to do either of those I can't. I haven't slept more than two hours a night and every time I try to read a book my mind wanders. It doesn't help I am stressed with the idea of taking two exams before next week and can barely find the time for studying.

But that's just me venting. You would think with the way I'm acting that we had never gone through a deployment before but in fact we went through a 9 month one and spent the better part of a year apart. It's amazing, how fast time goes.It seems like just yesterday M was getting home and I was settling down here in NC. This past year just flew by and the deployment became nothing more than a distant memory. I remember having a discussion with M a few months after he returned home about reenlisting. M's response was let's see how you like being an army wife after I leave all the time. You see M is in a unit that although they don't deploy for longer than 9 months, they deploy more frequently than most. M is already set to deploy for 3 months around September and then again in January. I have a feeling I will have to get used to being alone.

Next year I will also experience our first PCS. M's unit is set to move to Florida!!! Now I love Florida, that's where my family vacation's and that's where M and I were married. I can't wait to move. Our problem though is this, by the time we move M will only have a year left. This will put him at the 10 year mark at the age of 33. Should he reenlist or not. I'm hoping he will but know that I am being selfish in my decision. This will have to be left up to M and M alone. I may have to endure separations but I am not the one being deployed to a war zone fighting for my life. So we shall see. When M get's back we have some big decisions to make. In the meantime though I am going to enjoy thinking about moving to Florida!!

And also don't you guys just love my new layout. My good blogger friend Mrs. Muffins did it for me. Isn't she amazing and she had to deal with picky, indecisive me! I love her even more for that. Mrs Muffin's has designed a bunch of other blogger layouts and they keep getting better and better. Thank you so much for creating and installing my layout. I just love it!!

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Positive things about Deployment

The hubs left today. We said our goodbye's at home and I just dropped him off at the airport. M hate's goodbye's and thought it would be quick and painless. As I dropped him off though we were both teary eyed but managed to hold it together.I took the whole day off work and decided to pamper myself with a pedicure right after dropping him off. I did some grocery shopping, ran to the Hobby Lobby and now am home and am starting to get the symptoms of a UTI. Last time the hubby left I had a pinched nerve in my back so go figure, why wouldn't something by wrong with me this time. Hopefully my Dr is faxing a prescription to my pharmacy as we speak so I don't have to go in.
Since my last few posts recently have been kinda negative and depressing, I thought I would change it up a bit and focus on the positives of a deployment. Here they are

1. An extra car means I'm spending less on gas. Since I fill up my car at least every other day due to the traveling for work, I now plan on driving my car until it hit's empty and then on driving M's car until it reaches empty. Then I will fill them both up and start the process over

2. Healthy eating. With M gone it will be easier to eat less. Take this past weekend for example, with no food in the house we were forced to eat out. Friday-Pizza with friends. Saturday-Out to dinner and dessert from the Cheesecake Factory. Sunday-Chinese and leftover cheesecake Monday-Pizza Today-Ihop for breakfast and I'm off to dinner in a bit with my girlie's. So on my grocery shopping trip today I stocked up on fruits, veggie's, yogart, cereal and lean cuisine's. I bought no soda or junk food of any kind. Starting tomorrow it is time for me to get bikini ready

3. Messes-All messes left in the house will be mine. No picking up dirty socks and boxers laying all over the place. Even today as I picked up the house a bit I found target bags in each and every room where M has started some sort of garbage bag. It's just so hard for him to walk to our kitchen to our main garbage and throw his trash away

4. I can lay in bed every night and fall asleep to girlie movies such as Sex and the City and Mamma Mia.

5. My two favorite shows start in about 2 weeks. Tori and Dean and Army Wives. I can sit and watch them in peace without Marshall snorting in laughter and commenting on how fake and unrealistic Army Wives is

6. Girl's nights-I love hanging out with my friend's and now won't have to feel guilty about leaving M behind

7. Once warm weather hits I wil by laying out by the pool with a book in hand and won't have someone bugging me every 10 minutes and asking if I'm ready to go inside yet.

8. No more cooking-Since it's only me my diet will consist of things that are easy to make. Easy as in pop in the microwave and press a button. I am looking forward to not having to cook for anyone these next few months

9. Less laundry and cleaning for me to do. This I will def enjoy. Who wouldn't

10. I can't think of a 10th reason. We all know that within a week these positive things won't be so positive. I will be wishing I had someone home to cook for, clean for and just to lay in bed with watching that girlie movie. Oh well, a girl's gotta stay positive right

Thank you all for your support the last few days!!

Monday, March 22, 2010

Behind the Blue Star Banner

I have seen many of my milspouse bloggers join in the following
Wives of Faith Survival Sisters
I had wished to participate in this semester of Survival Sister's but missed the deadline. I did however order off the barnes and nobles website the founder of Survival Sister's, Sara Horn's book God Strong. The Military Wife's Spiritual Survival Guide. It couldn't have come at a better time. I got it in the mail last Friday after recently hearing about our friend Rachel's devastating news. Even though I haven't started reading it yet, it offered a little bit of comfort.

In the past when M has deployed I threw myself into reading anything and everything written by miltiary spouses. I subscribe to military spouse magazine and have a ton of books written by milspouses. And now that I'm a part of the blogging world it will be easy to read about others going through what I am.
My favorite book is Behind the Blue Star Banner by Michelle Cuthrell. She was a 23 year old newlywed, stationed with her hubby in Alaska, and 11 weeks pregnant when her husband deployed for a year. I just love the candidness of her story and the way I can relate to her experiences. She admits to having rough days but also finds the strength and courage to try and make the best of deployment. I started reading her book again last night and couldn't put it down. It was just another reminder that I am not alone in this and that I can do it. I've been through it once and I can do it again

A few weeks ago when anyone asked how long M was deploying for, I would blow it off and just say three months. Piece of cake. Boy was I in denial. I didn't think it would be this hard to say good bye again. Last time he deployed I was just getting off the high of getting married, I was staying in my hometown and had moved back in with my parent's. This time it's a whole new ball game. I am in a different city, far away from family and friends and though I have made some good friends here, we all know how some military friendships are. Some girls you know you can turn too and others you can't. Luckily I have a few good friends who are taking me out to dinner tomorrow night to make my day a little easier

Yesterday as M packed all day I just felt this knot in the pit of my stomach. I felt empty. As his stuff was strewn around our living room, I couldn't help but think it will be three months until he is home again. Three months until his messes litter the house, three months until he is laying next to me in bed again. I guess no matter how often they leave you never get used to it.

I know that work and my friends will keep me busy and tomorrow, after I kiss my hubby goodbye I will go one with my day because that is what I need to do to make it through. Thank you for all your kind comments yesterday. And for any of you that would love to meet up I am def up for it!! Also do any of you have any good books written by or about military spouses that you recommend? I am always looking for something new to read

And on a side note, after spending the night with one dog laying next to me, one dog on my feet and smushed between my hubby who takes up half the bed, sleeping by myself in our bed is starting to look pretty good. Hey I gotta have something to look forward too, that and my pedicure tomorrow!!
Thanks again everyone for your support. You are all amazing

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Proud Military Spouse and Blogger

This week the blogging community has been hit with heartache and tragedy. It has been a few days since I posted. I have been at a loss for words and have been unable to think of anything to write.

Two of my fellow blogger friends, Taylor and Laura who had recently both announced they were pregnant, this week updated us all on the loss of their babies. My heart goes out to them and their families.
I updated you all on Rachel, a 23 year old wife and mother who recently just lost her husband to the war in Afghanistan.

Even though I don't know Rachel personally, I feel as if I do by her comments on my blog and her post's about her life as a new mother and marine wife. This tragedy has hit me hard. I know many military spouses in the blogging community have been hit as hard as I have been. I have been emailing some of these women and I am amazed to see how the blogging community is pulling together and showing their support for Rachel and her daughter Ariana.

I started my blog a year ago with the intent to keep in touch with my family and friends back home in WI. I never wrote a single entry until December of this past year. Now I am officially addicted. The friendships formed and people I have met have been amazing. I still don't know many military spouses here in NC and blogging is a way for me to reach out to others snf to meet other people going through what I am going through. The feeling of being connected and a part of a bigger community is so special and I finally feel like I belong somewhere. I have never felt more connected to the blogging community than I have this week.

The outpouring of love and support for these women who have had to suffer such heartbreak has been amazing. I have never been more proud to be a military spouse and a blogger than I am now.

At the same time however, I can't get over what happened to Rachel and her family. Rachel had to experience what no military spouse ever wants to. We all push the thought away, out of our mind's and think it can't happen to us. However, it can and that was made more real a few days ago.

M leaves in a few days and I am terrified. I had bad anxiety during M's last deployment and in the past few days it has returned. I am anxious, antsy, emotional. I wake up from nightmares and have emotional crying fit's. I normally imagine every worse scenario before M leaves but this time I am doing that more and more. I sob uncontrollably and have breakdowns constantly. When I should be working, studying or even spending time with M I can't think about anything else other than the fears I can't get past of M leaving. On top of that I just feel sadness, sadness for Rachel and her family and a feeling of helplessness. I wish there was something more I could do for her and her daughter.

I constantly check on Rachel's blog and admire her courage and strength. She is going through a hard time right now and yet remains strong and upbeat updating us all on her husband's funeral arrangements.
She is a role model for us all and will always be a part of the military community. The ties within the military community can never be broken. A loss for one is a loss for us all.

I am going to get off now to enjoy my last few days with M, relishing in the time we spend together. Thanks for everyone's kind comments on my last few post's as I am getting ready for M to leave.T They mean alot

And again please keep my blogger friends, Taylor, Laura and Rachel in your thoughts and prayers

Thursday, March 18, 2010

In Shock

In shock, these are the only words I can come up with to describe how I am feeling right now.

I just found out that one of my bloggy friends and fellow mil spouse lost her husband recently. He was killed while serving our country over in Afghanistan. Rachel is a young wife and mother who is now dealing with the unthinkable

I can remember reading Mrs. P's blog and following along with her pregnancy and the birth of her daughter. That whole time her hubby was deployed and I remember thinking of how strong this girl was, how courageous she was and how positive she was to deal with all that by herself, all the while awaiting her hubby's return and even organizing a sock drive for him and his unit. A few days ago she posted about her new tattoo which was of the yellow ribbon symbolizing the support for our troops. I just loved this girl's amazing outlook on life and again marveled on her positivity.
Today I am staring at my computer screen, in tears as I read her brave post about her husband's death. How unfair it is that one should lose a husband so young. How unfair it is that her daughter will never know his father and how unfair it is that the homecoming you were awaiting for for months on end is not the homecoming you had hoped for.
My heart goes out to Rachel and her daughter Ariana. Please keep them in your thoughts and prayers. her husband gave the ultimate sacrifice for our country. If you would like to stop by here blog go HERE

God bless

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Our HoneyMoon

A year ago today the hubs and I were spending a night in Chicago, Illinois awaiting to leave for our honeymoon to Punta Cana. After almost a year of marriage we were finally taking one. We were so excited to be together and get to spend a week on the beach!!
We should have known that the perfect getaway we had planned was not to be. We left Chicago bright and early on the 17th. We were supposed to fly in to Charlotte, NC and then fly to Punta Cana arriving there around 3:30pm. Well our plane ended up circling the charlotte airport for an hour and a half due to fog and ground delays. Which meant we missed our connecting flight. So away we went to wait in a long line to be rebooked on another flight. What bothers me the most is that our plane to Punta Cana left with more than 15 seats open. Anyway we finally made it up to the ticket counter and the news wasn't good. The only option was to fly to Atlanta that night and leave for Punta Cana the following afternoon putting us in the DR around 5pm. I immediately started crying. It had been almost a year since we had seen each other and already things were going wrong. We took the flight since that was our only option, called the hotel in Punta Cana to explain we would be delayed and also called our travel agent who also needed to call our hotel and send them a statement saying we would be there the following day so the hotel would hold our room.
Luck was with us the following morning in Atlanta. We got on a 7am flight to Punta Cana. We were smiling and happy
We arrived in Punta Cana ready to enjoy our trip. We arrived at the hotel and waited in line to check in. Well the hotel had canceled our reservations and was going to transfer us to another hotel. We didn't want to transfer since we had no idea where the hotel was or for that matter if it was even a nice hotel. Finally they found a room for us. It was not the honeymoon suite we had booked but a room with two twin beds. Perfect for a newly reunited couple on their honeymoon. We would have made the best of it if it weren't for the fact that our room smelled like must and the ceiling leaked. It was going to be a long week.
The following morning we got up early, determined to hit the beach and just focus on the reason we were there, to spend time with each other. We met up with a couple that had been transferred to the other hotel and they told us the hotel they were put up at was much nicer and we should volunteer to leave. So we went back to our room, changed and noticed there was a note under our door asking if we wanted to volunteer to leave and go to the hotel the couple mentioned. Along with going to the other hotel we would receive a free week's stay at our current hotel valid for the next year. Off we went to volunteer. When we got up to the front desk, they said they weren't taking any more volunteer's. Since we wanted to spend the day at the back we didn't want to argue and instead asked to move to the room we had originally paid for. They explained they had none available but could push our beds together for us. Wow thanks!
Despite this we had a great time. We went horse back riding along the beach, parasailing and just enjoyed laying out, reading books and relaxing. And I should mention that every night under our door was a letter asking us to volunteer to leave and go to a different hotel. So needless to say we will never go back to this resort again and I'm thinking to Punta Cana again. It was beautiful but I think I liked Riveria Maya in Mexico alot better as a vacation spot.
Nonetheless, we enjoyed our trip. Here are some pics from our honeymoon
The Punta Cana Airport

Our Lovely Hotel Room

First day there-Walking around the resort

Our lovely hotel

Heading to dinner on our first night

Our 2nd day- Enjoying the beach

Shops along the beach

M relaxing


Horse Back Riding

Another one of us on the beach

The Honeymooners

View of the beach on our last day

Dinner on our last night

Waiting for our taxi to take us to the airport

Even though our honeymoon wasn't exactly what we had planned I would never take it back. We had an amazing time and even though we were sad to see it end, we were heading back to Wisconsin to spend some time with our families before packing up our cars and moving me down to NC. We were on our way to start a new chapter of our lives. After almost a year of being apart we were finally together again!!

If You're Reading This

As the days are fast approaching for M to leave a new emotional stage has set it. I went through the mad/irritable stage where everything M did annoyed and made me mad. Then I went through the avoidance stage where I did everything to avoid the topic of the upcoming deployment and also everything to avoid M. Now I'm in the sad/clingy stage. Take today for example I was driving to work today and on my ipod came the song If Your Reading This by Tim Mcgraw. This is such a sad song about a solider that dies in war and is singing to the family he left behind. For some reason I played this song over and over and imagined every worst case scenario possible. Why did I do this to myself? Hmm I don't know. But I didn't stop at that I continued to listen to every sad song on my ipod and showed up at work in tears.

When M is home I am always emotional. The littlest thing makes me cry. At night I cling to M and constantly remind him that he leaves in this many days, that he is going to miss our anniversary, miss part of summer and blah blah blah. Poor M he is probably so excited to leave me!!

I know that I am just nervous about the deployment. Last time M deployed I was in my hometown with my family and friends. This time I will be alone. I know plenty of my friends will keep me busy along with work but some of my friends hubby's will be coming home when M leaves and I know the majority of their time will be spent with their hubby's. And who can blame them, I def don't.
Luckily I'm pretty independent. I am hoping to start running every day after work when M leaves and once the pool opens up and warm weather comes, I will be spending all day laying out with a good book.
So now I just have to make it through these last few days with M without being too much of an emotional wreck!!

Monday, March 15, 2010

Blog Awards!!!

I just love receiving blog awards. It really brightens up my day and today I needed some cheering up. I received the Sunshine Award from Justine over at Tobin Inc. You can find her blog HERE. I love her blog. It is so fun and cute so be sure to check it out!! Since I already received the award I am not going to pass it on. Instead it is free to whoever want's to take it since I find everyone's blog amazing!!

I also received this award

I have seen this award on other people's blog and thought it was so cute. I was awarded this award twice by Katie over at Jersey Blonde. I love love her blog. She blogs about everything from her fun girl's weekend with friend's to fashion. So be sure to head on over and check out her blog. The other person I received this award from is Tickled Pink. She is def one of my favorite blogger's and she has the cutest little boy. So again head on over and check out these girl's amazing blogs!!

The rules of this award are as follows..
1)Thank the person that awarded this to you in a new post-Already did. Thanks again girls!!
2)Name the 10 things that make you happy
3)Pass this award on to ten other blogger's and inform the winner's

10 Things that make me happy

1. Waking up every morning to my hubby laying next to me
2. My puppies cuddling with me on the couch. My dogs always know when I need some lovin!!
3. Working with kids! Today I had a little boy ask me if I would marry him and be his next door neighbor. It melted my heart
4. My family-I miss them every day and can't wait for them to come visit
5. Hanging with my girls. Whether it's shopping, going out to lunch, getting a pedicure or watching a movie, I love hanging out with my friends
6. Reading a good book. I can't wait until school is over in about a month so I can spend all day reading
7. Water- I am a pisces and love the water. Give me a pool or the beach any day and I'm happy. Bring on the warm weather
8. Cute dresses- I am such a girly girly and love dressing up. Give me any excuse to dress up and I'm in a dress and heels
9. Cooking out with the hubby and friend's. To me nothing spells summer more than burgers on the grill
10. Any text message sent from my hubby through out the day. We've been married almost two years and I still get excited when a text message pops up from him

Now time to award the winners. I pass this award on to
Another Katie F @ Life in the Fulmer Lane
Summer @ One Lucky Monkey
Shelli @ Everyday EverhartsLyndsie @ A Love Worth Waiting For
Kelly @ Confessions of a Law school Dropout
Pam, Mom, Honey @ Troop Petrie
Jen @ The Adventure's of our Army Life
Alissa @ Newlywedded;Life, Love and Me
Adorably Distracted @ Adorably Distracted
Katie Beth @ This is Katie

These blogs are all amazing so be sure to check them out.
I am off to bed. I have a busy week ahead. Just found out I have a 400 page book to read by Sunday. Add to that watching 20 video's for class, working and spending as much time as possible with the hubs before he leaves. Wow, I'm tired just typing all this

Good night everyone!!

Calling all Fashionista's and Shopaholics

Happy Monday everyone! I hope everyone had a good weekend. Mine was pretty uneventful. I worked both Saturday and Sunday. Had class and an exam and some other school work to do. Last night M and I did head over to a friend's house for her baby shower which was alot of fun. I will post about that later and put up pics!!

So as I was getting ready for this baby shower last night I realized how much my life has changed in the last few years. Instead of getting ready for a night on the town, I am now getting ready for baby shower's, kid's birthday parties and simple cook out's by a friend's house. My going out wardrobe hangs untouched most of the time. And as I turned 26 a few weeks ago I think I need to revamp my style.

My favorite store to shop at is Forever 21. I love the prices of the clothes and can find some super cute things. Since the only store worthy of shopping at here in Fayetteville are American eagle, forever 21 and express I am kind of limited. I do love express and there clothes but for there trendier clothes I feel I can find similar styles cheaper at Forever 21. So with that being said I need to re-do my wardrobe. Make it more grown up worthy.

So I am asking the help of y'all. My mom is coming up in a few weeks and we are heading to the big city of Raleigh to do some serious damage shopping. Where do y'all like to shop. Did any of you have a similar dilemma of trying to find clothing appropriate to your age. Don't get me wrong I don't think anything is wrong with Forever 21. I will still shop there but I want to get some pieces for my wardrobe that are trendy, fashionable and yet appropriate for me to wear to a birthday party or out to a nice dinner with the hubby.

So let me know where you all like to shop!!!

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Alice in Wonderland

This movie is a must see. I loved it. We saw it in 3D and the visual effects were just stunning. I normally don't like to see movies in 3D because it hurts my eyes but this one wasn't too bad.

I will admit I was skeptic to see this movie at first. I hated the original as a kid. For as long as I can remember I suffered from claustrophobia. I can recall being about 8 years old at Disney world going on the 1000 leagues under the sea ride and having a panic attack because I felt the walls closing in on me. Watching Alice in Wonderland made me feel the same way. When she enters the room and the door is too small, and then she is too big and the room is constantly changing used to leave me with such anxiety I couldn't watch it. I think I watched the movie twice when I was little and that was enough for me. I was a little afraid that this scene in the movie, especially in 3D would drive me over the edge. Thankfully it didn't and I have to say the movie was amazing. Johnny Depp did a fabulous job as usual, Anne Hathaway looked beautiful as the while queen and the actress who played Alice was awesome.

Johnny Depp is by far is by far my favorite actor. To me he can encompass a wide variety of character's and be believable in each and every role he plays. No other actor can even compare. I admit he is a little kooky and eccentric but I love him all the same. Parts of the movie Public Enemy was filmed in Chicago, Illinois, Milwaukee and some small areas of Wisconsin. During the filming of this movie I was working for the Milwaukee Police Dept. A memo went out telling everyone when Johnny Depp would be filming and gave us a warning of which streets were going to be closed down and what area's needed to be patrolled by officers. Another memo also went out asking any middle age men averaging around 5'8-5'9 to volunteer as extra's in the movie. I immediately called my dad who is a police officer and begged him to volunteer. Unfortunately I wasn't looking at the print closely because there was a weight restriction. My dad is a little on the heavier side so he couldn't volunteer. I begged all the guys I worked with to volunteer so I could meet Johnny Depp but the guys weren't as excited about it as I was.
Of course I forgot the day the memo mentioned that filming would occur and can remember being stuck in traffic trying to make my way into work and getting irritated with all the crappy drivers. Well of course when I finally made it into work my boss asked if I got out to see the shooting of the movie. How could i have forgotten!! There was my chance to meet Johnny Depp and I missed it. I probably would have been arrested for sexual assault though if I actually would have seen him

The following weekend my family and I went out of town in northern Wisconsin. The scene in the movie where Johnny and his buddies are staying at that cabin in the woods near the end , was right where we were staying. And once again I had just missed Johnny. They had shot that scene a few days before we arrived. I had two chances to meet him and I missed him. You can bet if they ever have Johnny Depp come to Ft Bragg I will be camping out for sure!!

So enough babbling about Johnny. I hope everyone is having a good weekend so far. The hubs and I just made a nice romantic dinner of steak, asparagus, mushrooms and baked potatoes and are about to rent some movies and cuddle on the couch


Friday, March 12, 2010

Heidi Montag supports military families

Seriously, every time I log onto Twitter I find it irritating that Heidi Montag status's are about supporting the military. Today's status for example is "I Love the US Coast Guard so much. They have the coolest gazelle helicopters that fly over our house all the time. Go NAVY. Love you guys

Cause we all know that what makes the Navy cool is their gazelle helicopter. I honestly don't know why her statuses irritate me so much. She is also a supporter of some military mom group and posts about them too. Don't get me wrong, I love star's that publicize they support our troops because I do believe that our military members deserve to be recognized but by Heidi Montag.Give me a break. What does she know about the military. Let alone being apart of a military family. I probably should have googled her background to check if she does have a family member in the military before I go off on my rant but I did not.

Like I said I appreciate anyone that supports our military and publicly announces it but their is something about this girl that rubs me the wrong way. Maybe it's her constant need for attention. Whether it's her publicity seeking schemes with Spencer, her plastic surgery or what not but I feel that everything about her is fake and is just done to get some sort of attention. I hate when people take a stand on an issue just to get the publicity for it and to have their name linked with it. It drives me insane

But I probably shouldn't complain. The military needs all the support they can get!!

Ok, on a different topic M and I are going to see Alice in Wonderland in 3D tonight! I am so excited. Johnny Depp is my all time favorite actor and I can't wait to see him in this movie. I do not care for the original Alice in Wonderland but according to my bro this newest adaptation actually has a definitive story line and is very good. So off we go in a little bit to see my favorite actor on the big screen.

I will let you all know how the movie is. TGIF!!


Thursday, March 11, 2010

Deployment #2

Deployment #2 is fast approaching. M leaves in less than two weeks and the time is flying by. I wish I could say we have been spending every single moment together but that is not the case. Last week I had the flu bug that is going around, this week M is sick and yesterday we had to rush our dog to the vet because I came home to blood stained little presents all over the house. I am happy to report that my dog is doing a little better and it is M that is the sick one in the house.

When we first learned of this deployment the estimated time was 6 months. Now they are saying 3. M's last deployment was supposed to be for 6 months and it turned into 9 so I am going to plan on 6 months so I won't be devastated when he doesn't come home in 3.

Our first deployment was very difficult to say the least. M left a month after we were married and to say I wasn't prepared was an understatement. With all the wedding planning and getting everything organized I barely focused on the approaching deployment. We even started off the deployment on the wrong foot. I wasn't even there to see M off because his deployment date had changed and I had no vacation time to take to be at the airport with him. Let me remind you I was staying in WI at this time and he was leaving from NC. I will never forgive myself for not being there.

One of our main issues during this deployment was lack of communication. I was working at the city's Police Dept. My hours were 3pm-12am. M normally woke up between 10-11 our time and would try to call. Since my job was to mainly answer phone calls and take reports I couldn't really tell the citizen on the phone, I'm sorry that you are getting raped right now but can you please hold while I talk to my hubby who is calling from Afghanistan. At first M was understanding but after a few months of hardly talking this got old very fast.

M also had some trust issues that I had to deal with. M had been married before to a woman who cheated on him with one of the guys from his unit. To say he had some trust issues is def the truth. I felt like I was constantly bearing the brunt of some other girl's mistake. It was awful

Besides our lack of communication and trust issues, it was hard to have a marriage over the phone. Especially a marriage that was just starting out. We had this whole relationship to build as man and wife and we weren't able to live and be with each other like most newlyweds.

Our relationship really hit rock bottom when M went through a few difficult experiences over in Afghanistan. I didn't know how to be there for him and it seemed that no matter what I did, it wasn't right. I would then get frustrated and upset and then M would become frustrated and upset. I also would expect things from M and when they didn't happen become sad and lash out. The time that we actually spent talking was probably mostly spent arguing.

When it got closer and closer to M coming home I was afraid of what was going to happen. Would we make it, would things be weird, did we make a mistake rushing into getting married. All those thoughts disappeared when I saw M for the first time in 9 months. We immediately started crying and apologizing for everything that had happened. We spent the rest of the day talking about everything. It was then I knew we would be fine.

This past year and a half that M has been home has been amazing. Our communication has improved greatly. Whenever we have a problem we immediately discuss it and work it out. From the past experiences during his deployment we have learned a lot. Our respect for each other and our understanding for each other has grown. We are stronger because of everything we dealt with during his deployment and even though I am sad M is leaving I know we can handle anything. As bad as the first deployment was our love for each other is much stronger and we won't let anything get in the way
SO bring it on Deployment #2

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Wedding Wednesday's!!

I decided to hop on the band wagon and participate in Wedding Wednesday's! If you would like to participate you can go HERE

Even though I loved my dress here are some dresses I would have liked to wear!!

This is a pic of my friend's wedding dress. It is adorable!!
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And Last I leave you with some pics from my wedding!