Proud Military Spouse and Blogger

This week the blogging community has been hit with heartache and tragedy. It has been a few days since I posted. I have been at a loss for words and have been unable to think of anything to write.

Two of my fellow blogger friends, Taylor and Laura who had recently both announced they were pregnant, this week updated us all on the loss of their babies. My heart goes out to them and their families.
I updated you all on Rachel, a 23 year old wife and mother who recently just lost her husband to the war in Afghanistan.

Even though I don't know Rachel personally, I feel as if I do by her comments on my blog and her post's about her life as a new mother and marine wife. This tragedy has hit me hard. I know many military spouses in the blogging community have been hit as hard as I have been. I have been emailing some of these women and I am amazed to see how the blogging community is pulling together and showing their support for Rachel and her daughter Ariana.

I started my blog a year ago with the intent to keep in touch with my family and friends back home in WI. I never wrote a single entry until December of this past year. Now I am officially addicted. The friendships formed and people I have met have been amazing. I still don't know many military spouses here in NC and blogging is a way for me to reach out to others snf to meet other people going through what I am going through. The feeling of being connected and a part of a bigger community is so special and I finally feel like I belong somewhere. I have never felt more connected to the blogging community than I have this week.

The outpouring of love and support for these women who have had to suffer such heartbreak has been amazing. I have never been more proud to be a military spouse and a blogger than I am now.

At the same time however, I can't get over what happened to Rachel and her family. Rachel had to experience what no military spouse ever wants to. We all push the thought away, out of our mind's and think it can't happen to us. However, it can and that was made more real a few days ago.

M leaves in a few days and I am terrified. I had bad anxiety during M's last deployment and in the past few days it has returned. I am anxious, antsy, emotional. I wake up from nightmares and have emotional crying fit's. I normally imagine every worse scenario before M leaves but this time I am doing that more and more. I sob uncontrollably and have breakdowns constantly. When I should be working, studying or even spending time with M I can't think about anything else other than the fears I can't get past of M leaving. On top of that I just feel sadness, sadness for Rachel and her family and a feeling of helplessness. I wish there was something more I could do for her and her daughter.

I constantly check on Rachel's blog and admire her courage and strength. She is going through a hard time right now and yet remains strong and upbeat updating us all on her husband's funeral arrangements.
She is a role model for us all and will always be a part of the military community. The ties within the military community can never be broken. A loss for one is a loss for us all.

I am going to get off now to enjoy my last few days with M, relishing in the time we spend together. Thanks for everyone's kind comments on my last few post's as I am getting ready for M to leave.T They mean alot

And again please keep my blogger friends, Taylor, Laura and Rachel in your thoughts and prayers