Sunday, March 21, 2010

Proud Military Spouse and Blogger

This week the blogging community has been hit with heartache and tragedy. It has been a few days since I posted. I have been at a loss for words and have been unable to think of anything to write.

Two of my fellow blogger friends, Taylor and Laura who had recently both announced they were pregnant, this week updated us all on the loss of their babies. My heart goes out to them and their families.
I updated you all on Rachel, a 23 year old wife and mother who recently just lost her husband to the war in Afghanistan.

Even though I don't know Rachel personally, I feel as if I do by her comments on my blog and her post's about her life as a new mother and marine wife. This tragedy has hit me hard. I know many military spouses in the blogging community have been hit as hard as I have been. I have been emailing some of these women and I am amazed to see how the blogging community is pulling together and showing their support for Rachel and her daughter Ariana.

I started my blog a year ago with the intent to keep in touch with my family and friends back home in WI. I never wrote a single entry until December of this past year. Now I am officially addicted. The friendships formed and people I have met have been amazing. I still don't know many military spouses here in NC and blogging is a way for me to reach out to others snf to meet other people going through what I am going through. The feeling of being connected and a part of a bigger community is so special and I finally feel like I belong somewhere. I have never felt more connected to the blogging community than I have this week.

The outpouring of love and support for these women who have had to suffer such heartbreak has been amazing. I have never been more proud to be a military spouse and a blogger than I am now.

At the same time however, I can't get over what happened to Rachel and her family. Rachel had to experience what no military spouse ever wants to. We all push the thought away, out of our mind's and think it can't happen to us. However, it can and that was made more real a few days ago.

M leaves in a few days and I am terrified. I had bad anxiety during M's last deployment and in the past few days it has returned. I am anxious, antsy, emotional. I wake up from nightmares and have emotional crying fit's. I normally imagine every worse scenario before M leaves but this time I am doing that more and more. I sob uncontrollably and have breakdowns constantly. When I should be working, studying or even spending time with M I can't think about anything else other than the fears I can't get past of M leaving. On top of that I just feel sadness, sadness for Rachel and her family and a feeling of helplessness. I wish there was something more I could do for her and her daughter.

I constantly check on Rachel's blog and admire her courage and strength. She is going through a hard time right now and yet remains strong and upbeat updating us all on her husband's funeral arrangements.
She is a role model for us all and will always be a part of the military community. The ties within the military community can never be broken. A loss for one is a loss for us all.

I am going to get off now to enjoy my last few days with M, relishing in the time we spend together. Thanks for everyone's kind comments on my last few post's as I am getting ready for M to leave.T They mean alot

And again please keep my blogger friends, Taylor, Laura and Rachel in your thoughts and prayers


  1. That news hit me hard too. I didn't address in my blog because I had a hard time putting into words the personal connection I felt to her story even though I didn't know her personally, but I think you have done that well.

    I'm so sorry your husband is leaving soon. If you need some company after her leaves I would love to meet another NC milspouse blogger!

  2. We are all having a hard time with this, but you need to cherish these next few days with M and do your best to but your anxieties aside. Of course, now more than ever, we are all fearful of the worst case scenarios, but God has a plan for us all and although it is hard to do sometimes we need to trust in what He has planned for us. You have a wonderful husband who needs your support right now and all you can do is try your best to give it to him and just enjoy each other! Praying for you and M...let me know if you need anything!

  3. I know just what you mean. Last week was very hard on all of us, I think. But it made me for grateful than ever for my milwife BBs! It's a connection that's very real and you can't really put it into words...and, truly, if you aren't a part of it, you can't understand.

    I'll also be praying for you guys with M leaving so soon. Just remember, you aren't alone. We're all here for you!

  4. Definitely sending prayers to Taylor and Laura! While M is gone we are all here for you, you never have to go through this alone. :)

  5. I pray for you ever day with M's upcoming deployment. And I couldn't agree more about the losses that have hit the blogging community. What a crazy week. It is incredibly touching to see the outpouring of support for these bloggers. Just know I'm here for you when M leaves. Can't wait to meet at Southpark and have some yummy cheesecake!

  6. We're all "here" for you when M leaves and is gone. What a tough week for the blogworld...

  7. Rachel's news definitely sent a shock wave through our little mil spouse blogging community. It burst my little ignorance is bliss bubble and forced me to face the fact that I could be her.

    I'm sure that news coming right before M's deployment was especially hard for you to bear. You are certainly not the only one to have panic attacks, anxiety, and general crankiness before their hubby deploys. But you're a strong woman and I know you'll get through it... especially with a little help from your blog friends :)

  8. Feel better girl. This much be a hard time for you and I can't pretend to know how you feel yet but I know you've done this before and I know you can do it again. Find that strength inside you and use it to enjoy these last few days with your husband. You will survive- and thrive! through this. I know you can.

  9. What a great post! I've also wondered how to put in words what I feel about Rachel's loss. I don't think I need to from reading your entry and a few others.

    I know it's very scary with M deploying, and obviously I don't know the details of his deployment, but you will make it through. It's not easy, but you have all of us and your amazing strength and grace to make it through the deployment. I wish I was nearby so I knew another Wisconsinite that is away from home too! :)

  10. Hi Katie,
    I just stumbled on your blog from the other Katie F. While I don't know you, I have just read through your blog with an open heart. I am an Air Force wife living the dream in Mongomery, AL! If only I lived in NC, I feel like we would be close friends! As I read your blog about all of your frustrations, fears, and emotions leading up to a deployment I couldn't help revisit all of those same feelings I have felt many times over. Military wives are a special breed, they take care of each other in good and bad times. You squeeze that soldier and love on him every chance you get before he leaves! feel free to visit my blog (although I don't update as often as you do!)

  11. You said exactly how many of us are feeling. It has truly been a long week in the Blogging World. Stay strong and enjoy your time leading up to M's deployment. Once he has gone please feel free to come up to VA for a visit. I'm not sure where in NC you are, but Expat Girl and I are both in VA and I'm sure we could set something up to get together at some point. That would be fun! Keep your head up high as you always do and you'll get through it.

  12. What a tough post. My eyes welled up just thinking about thos bloggers (and you as well) I'm just now starting to find military blogs and getting to feel that immediate compassion from women who have totally been where I am now.

    There's something about hearing "I'm a milwife/coastie wife/army wife" etc that immediately makes me feel like I have a connection with that person without even knowing their name.

    I don't know those ladies or their stories (except what I have read here) but I pray that they are able to continue to be strong in their faith, full of hope for the future, and forever have a burning love and desire for their husbands.

    I know it must be so hard to be hit with "worse possible scenarios" right before a deployment of the man you are in love with, but I can promise that I will be here for you as much as possible.

    I think the other ladies would agree that on the days you need to just vent DO IT, if you need to cry and type up a love note on here for him DO IT, it doesnt matter whether you are happy or sad this blog is for YOU and whatever you're going through at the moment we will be right there ready to give you love and support!!!

  13. Katie - I can't imagine how hard this is for you, and my thoughts and prayers are with you and the entire military spouse community. Thank you for yours and M's sacrifice that truly benefit the rest of us. xoxo

  14. Well, now you know one more miitary wife in NC! We used to live in FL and we miss it, so I'm a little jealous of your impending move!