As the days are fast approaching for M to leave a new emotional stage has set it. I went through the mad/irritable stage where everything M did annoyed and made me mad. Then I went through the avoidance stage where I did everything to avoid the topic of the upcoming deployment and also everything to avoid M. Now I'm in the sad/clingy stage. Take today for example I was driving to work today and on my ipod came the song If Your Reading This by Tim Mcgraw. This is such a sad song about a solider that dies in war and is singing to the family he left behind. For some reason I played this song over and over and imagined every worst case scenario possible. Why did I do this to myself? Hmm I don't know. But I didn't stop at that I continued to listen to every sad song on my ipod and showed up at work in tears.
When M is home I am always emotional. The littlest thing makes me cry. At night I cling to M and constantly remind him that he leaves in this many days, that he is going to miss our anniversary, miss part of summer and blah blah blah. Poor M he is probably so excited to leave me!!
I know that I am just nervous about the deployment. Last time M deployed I was in my hometown with my family and friends. This time I will be alone. I know plenty of my friends will keep me busy along with work but some of my friends hubby's will be coming home when M leaves and I know the majority of their time will be spent with their hubby's. And who can blame them, I def don't.
Luckily I'm pretty independent. I am hoping to start running every day after work when M leaves and once the pool opens up and warm weather comes, I will be spending all day laying out with a good book.
So now I just have to make it through these last few days with M without being too much of an emotional wreck!!