Tuesday, March 16, 2010

If You're Reading This

As the days are fast approaching for M to leave a new emotional stage has set it. I went through the mad/irritable stage where everything M did annoyed and made me mad. Then I went through the avoidance stage where I did everything to avoid the topic of the upcoming deployment and also everything to avoid M. Now I'm in the sad/clingy stage. Take today for example I was driving to work today and on my ipod came the song If Your Reading This by Tim Mcgraw. This is such a sad song about a solider that dies in war and is singing to the family he left behind. For some reason I played this song over and over and imagined every worst case scenario possible. Why did I do this to myself? Hmm I don't know. But I didn't stop at that I continued to listen to every sad song on my ipod and showed up at work in tears.

When M is home I am always emotional. The littlest thing makes me cry. At night I cling to M and constantly remind him that he leaves in this many days, that he is going to miss our anniversary, miss part of summer and blah blah blah. Poor M he is probably so excited to leave me!!

I know that I am just nervous about the deployment. Last time M deployed I was in my hometown with my family and friends. This time I will be alone. I know plenty of my friends will keep me busy along with work but some of my friends hubby's will be coming home when M leaves and I know the majority of their time will be spent with their hubby's. And who can blame them, I def don't.
Luckily I'm pretty independent. I am hoping to start running every day after work when M leaves and once the pool opens up and warm weather comes, I will be spending all day laying out with a good book.
So now I just have to make it through these last few days with M without being too much of an emotional wreck!!






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16 comments:

  1. I can't imagine how hard that is for you! Three of my brothers are in the Army - two have been deployed so far. I can see how hard it is on their spouses!

    I know it is probably little comfort, but you can vent to us as much as you want, and we will try to be here for you!

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  2. Stay strong darling, we all torture ourselves with songs like that, I have no idea why haha but I definitely do it.....Stop doing it!

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  3. The last few days are the hardest. When my Hubs was deployed I listened to Carrie Underwood's Just a Dream on repeat on my sad days. Keep yourself occupied when he's gone & stay strong (:

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  4. Oh girl I know how you feel well kind of my hub leaves Monday for Basics and I ahve no clue as to what I'm going to do with myself I hope to try and keep myself busy and not think about it but I know its going to be on my mind every moment of everyday..

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  5. I know what your going through! My husband leaves for basic 2 and a half weeks. I think im in the clingy stage too.
    We have waited for 2 years for him to go to basic because of a lawsuit, so I think I was in denial for a really long time! If you need anything while he is gone, just let me know! I know that we dont know each other, but we can support each other while our guys are gone. :) Stay strong and keep your head up!

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  6. Stay strong sweetie. I can only imagine how difficult this must be. I know that the time spent with each other is precious. Keep yourself busy and we're here for you girly!

    P.S On a very different note thanks so much for the sweet award, so exciting.

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  7. Poor thing :(

    BTW, I thought of you over the weekend! I was at a Crisis Training and met this super sweet girl. We hung out on our breaks/lunches and got to talking. You'll never believe it, but..."Dear John" was based on her & her ex-boyfriend. Nicholas Sparks is her ex's cousin & he based the main characters on them :)

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  8. Do your best! It's so hard not to be emotional! As much as it sucks just beating ourselves up over the time leading up to the deployment, I always like to think that the sooner they leave, the sooner they come HOME!

    Hopefully the weather will warm up and you can hang out by the pool...that sounds perfect!

    If you ever need someone to listen please don't hesitate to ask...you have been so helpful to me! Stay strong!

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  9. I did the same thing with "If you're reading this" and it was like two months before P deployed! And after he left, the song "A Soldier's Silent Night" killed me all through the Christmas season. Sometimes you need the sad songs to let the emotion out!

    You're going to be just fine! We're all here for you, all going through (or have gone through) it too. :) I know it's tough, but you're so strong!

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  10. Hang in there girly, and just enjoy your time together so you don't have any regrets. Sorry to hear that though! :-(

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  11. once he leaves all the songs you played today you will avoid like the plague when my husband was deployed we had work cds we can play and anytime one came on with if you'r reading this, the by 3 doors down that I cant think of any longer or other sad missing a soldier song every just knew to change the song ot I would be good for nothing

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  12. I'm so bad at goodbyes that I work myself into a huge mess so it's actually a release when he finally goes and I can throw myself a little pity party and cry and eat crap for a couple days. I think right before they leave is THE WORST but then afterwards - you can start the countdown til he comes home!

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  13. Leading up to the deployment is naturally difficult, and being clingy is understand. The last weekend before A left I just kept touching him because I was thinking about how he was there then but wouldn't be for long. As for the songs, that is pretty normal as well. If I'm having a good day, I turn them off or run away when I hear them...but if I'm having a bad/sad day I listen to them and they help me cry and get out my emotions. But as others have said...let it all out here. You have lots of people here to support you! And you are strong, so you'll get through it.

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  14. :(

    Hate it.

    Hang in there, sweetie!

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  15. Oh honey, I'm sorry... we've all been there. I'm pretty sure my husband was desperate to get away from me by the time he actually left. You'll get through it. And then M will spend the next year wishing you were still clinging to him. We're all here when you need us! ((hugs))

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  16. by any chance is he taking leadership classes this week or deployment classes. i wonder if our husbands are together. 28 days from today. i would be okay if we were still around friends but here we do not really know anyone (a few but not like close friends i can leave the kids with). so i am feeling your pain. feel free to vent away

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