Whose Pregnant?

Everybody but me it seems. Both blogger friends and real life friends. And yes as you can probably tell I am throwing myself a pity party. I'm hoping by blogging about it I can release my frustrations and emotions that are bursting inside of me to get out

As I've told y'all before. I've web off bc for about 8 months and the hubs and I have been trying to conceive for a little less than that. I was for sure it would have happened by now but it hasn't. Until about a month ago I did everything I could to get pregnant. I've been taking prenatal, i chart my cycles and have apps on my phone that do also, I've read every book on getting pregnant and have spent a fortune on ovulation kits. No luck. So right before this last cycle I said screw it. I decided to go with the flow and not worry so much about it. And wouldn't you know it, I was late! A day went by then some more and I thought this was it. We did it. I ran to the grocery store last Friday night for a pregnancy test and a celebratory bottle of wine. Only to take the test to have it be negative. Saturday I woke up with my dear friend. I shoved the disappointment aside and tried to stay positive.

When on Sunday a friend from back home texted me saying she was pregnant I was a little envious but genuinely happy for her. It took her over a year to conceive for the first one but two months with this one so I truly was very happy for her. And it also helps that she lives in a different state so I won't have to be around her too much. Selfish I know. But I'm an emotional girl trying to conceive

I was ok until about Wednesday. The hubs and I had spent all night watching movies and at about midnight I just so happened to check my email. I had a message from a close friend here in town. It read sorry you had to find out the way you did, but it's true I'm pregnant.
I immediately burst into tears

Now before I continue on with this story let me explain something. This girl and I went off bc at the same time though she wanted to wait another year to actually try since she is finishing up her degree. So they used other forms of contraception. About month ago we had a girls night where more than a few glasses of wine led to me breaking down and crying to her about how emotionally stressed I was, how hard it was actually trying and how it seemed to push M and I farther apart than closer together. We then discussed her waiting until after she graduated to try and how she wished I would wait so we could be pregnant together

Well I guess she beat me to it. I was able to respond to her message saying I hadn't found out but congrats. Apparently her husband who is away on training jumped the gun and sent out a mass text. My Hubby didn't et it since our phone service is horrible inside our apt. So I had had no idea. I also know she called our other friends but not me and I'm going to assume it's because she was afraid how I would react

So I cried that whole night and most of yesterday. I walked around in a daze, couldn't eat and even left work early due to being so upset. I was able to put my selfishness aside and call her to officially congratulate her. Apparently the same day I peed on my stick she peed on hers. And I was also told it happened on their first try. And I was given the advice of just going with the flow. That worked for them. I bit my tongue and again wished her congrats and also texted her Hubby. I know I have 9 months of hearing about pregnancy ahead of me and know that I cannot be mad at her.

So I took last night to wallow and cry. M thinks I'm being irrational, emotional and selfish and have no reason to be upset. So clearly I can't talk to my husband about this. So I went to bed and prayed that I can overcome my feelings of selfishness and understand that when it's my time it will happen

I woke up feeling better and even set some goals for myself. I had wanted to get back to my pre wedding weight, about ten pounds to lose before getting pregnant anyway so I vowed that starting this weekend I was making that happen. No if ands or buts about it. And I also told myself that I wouldn't want short hair in my maternity pics so now I have more time to grow my hair out. Vain I know but hey I'm trying here

So all day I was fine, ignoring that empty ache in my stomach and vowed to be a good supportive friend. Until I got a text from her asking which obgyn she should go to. Hmm why ask your not pregnant trying to conceive friend when plenty of our other friends have recently had kids. I was unsure as to how to take this text. When I told my Hubby his response was And. So clearly I am overly emotional right now

I know I need to get rid of my negative feelings and start being a better friend. I cannot become upset every time a friend get pregnant. It's going to happen and in the grand scheme of things we haven't been trying that long. So I made plans with my friend for tomm and even ordered her a pregnancy book of military one source

I guess what just bothers me the most is that she was so not prepared to try or get pregnant. No prenatals, first time trying and no books whatsoever on the topic. Yet here I am with my prenatals, TTC charts and apps and books galore. I guess it's true it will happen when you are not trying.

The hubs and I are stopping after this month due to a deployment and a pcs but when we resume I am def not going to be ad anal and rigid about ttc that go round. And until we are expecting our own I can enjoy a glass of wine and more couple time with the hubs while enjoying my friends kids without the stress of parenthood. Ok done venting! And thanks for reading




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