Friday, October 29, 2010

Whose Pregnant?

Everybody but me it seems. Both blogger friends and real life friends. And yes as you can probably tell I am throwing myself a pity party. I'm hoping by blogging about it I can release my frustrations and emotions that are bursting inside of me to get out

As I've told y'all before. I've web off bc for about 8 months and the hubs and I have been trying to conceive for a little less than that. I was for sure it would have happened by now but it hasn't. Until about a month ago I did everything I could to get pregnant. I've been taking prenatal, i chart my cycles and have apps on my phone that do also, I've read every book on getting pregnant and have spent a fortune on ovulation kits. No luck. So right before this last cycle I said screw it. I decided to go with the flow and not worry so much about it. And wouldn't you know it, I was late! A day went by then some more and I thought this was it. We did it. I ran to the grocery store last Friday night for a pregnancy test and a celebratory bottle of wine. Only to take the test to have it be negative. Saturday I woke up with my dear friend. I shoved the disappointment aside and tried to stay positive.

When on Sunday a friend from back home texted me saying she was pregnant I was a little envious but genuinely happy for her. It took her over a year to conceive for the first one but two months with this one so I truly was very happy for her. And it also helps that she lives in a different state so I won't have to be around her too much. Selfish I know. But I'm an emotional girl trying to conceive

I was ok until about Wednesday. The hubs and I had spent all night watching movies and at about midnight I just so happened to check my email. I had a message from a close friend here in town. It read sorry you had to find out the way you did, but it's true I'm pregnant.
I immediately burst into tears

Now before I continue on with this story let me explain something. This girl and I went off bc at the same time though she wanted to wait another year to actually try since she is finishing up her degree. So they used other forms of contraception. About month ago we had a girls night where more than a few glasses of wine led to me breaking down and crying to her about how emotionally stressed I was, how hard it was actually trying and how it seemed to push M and I farther apart than closer together. We then discussed her waiting until after she graduated to try and how she wished I would wait so we could be pregnant together

Well I guess she beat me to it. I was able to respond to her message saying I hadn't found out but congrats. Apparently her husband who is away on training jumped the gun and sent out a mass text. My Hubby didn't et it since our phone service is horrible inside our apt. So I had had no idea. I also know she called our other friends but not me and I'm going to assume it's because she was afraid how I would react

So I cried that whole night and most of yesterday. I walked around in a daze, couldn't eat and even left work early due to being so upset. I was able to put my selfishness aside and call her to officially congratulate her. Apparently the same day I peed on my stick she peed on hers. And I was also told it happened on their first try. And I was given the advice of just going with the flow. That worked for them. I bit my tongue and again wished her congrats and also texted her Hubby. I know I have 9 months of hearing about pregnancy ahead of me and know that I cannot be mad at her.

So I took last night to wallow and cry. M thinks I'm being irrational, emotional and selfish and have no reason to be upset. So clearly I can't talk to my husband about this. So I went to bed and prayed that I can overcome my feelings of selfishness and understand that when it's my time it will happen

I woke up feeling better and even set some goals for myself. I had wanted to get back to my pre wedding weight, about ten pounds to lose before getting pregnant anyway so I vowed that starting this weekend I was making that happen. No if ands or buts about it. And I also told myself that I wouldn't want short hair in my maternity pics so now I have more time to grow my hair out. Vain I know but hey I'm trying here

So all day I was fine, ignoring that empty ache in my stomach and vowed to be a good supportive friend. Until I got a text from her asking which obgyn she should go to. Hmm why ask your not pregnant trying to conceive friend when plenty of our other friends have recently had kids. I was unsure as to how to take this text. When I told my Hubby his response was And. So clearly I am overly emotional right now

I know I need to get rid of my negative feelings and start being a better friend. I cannot become upset every time a friend get pregnant. It's going to happen and in the grand scheme of things we haven't been trying that long. So I made plans with my friend for tomm and even ordered her a pregnancy book of military one source

I guess what just bothers me the most is that she was so not prepared to try or get pregnant. No prenatals, first time trying and no books whatsoever on the topic. Yet here I am with my prenatals, TTC charts and apps and books galore. I guess it's true it will happen when you are not trying.

The hubs and I are stopping after this month due to a deployment and a pcs but when we resume I am def not going to be ad anal and rigid about ttc that go round. And until we are expecting our own I can enjoy a glass of wine and more couple time with the hubs while enjoying my friends kids without the stress of parenthood. Ok done venting! And thanks for reading

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone


  1. I'm with you; I feel like everyone I know is pregnant or just given birth and I want to e pregnant SO BADLY! They've been joking at church about not drinking the water cause of the baby boom....well, I'M DRINKING THE WATER! So far, nothin. No BC for over a year. I'm thinking it may be time to go see a dr....Hope you guys conceive soon!

  2. I know exactly how you feel, as happy as you want to be for your friends it is hard to take. I get a little envious everytime I hear someone I know is pregnant. It will happen for you guys I know it will, just like I know it will for me. Sending you big hugs right now!!

  3. I understand where you're coming from. We just started trying and I'm trying hard not to get my hopes up during this first year. But it seems like everyone is getting pregnant right now. It will happen eventually, but I understand where you're coming from.

  4. Sorry, hun. I totally know how you feel. At my work there was five of us that got married the summer of 2009. I'm the only one that doesn't have a baby already or onw on the way... There are four pregnancies at the school right now, and two babies were born in September. It's crazy! It's that time in our lives. They're right though... do your best to not stress and enjoy the alone time while you have it! It will happen for you when it's meant to.


  5. Gosh I can't imagine how hard that is! I totally do not blame you for feeling this way...I would be doing the same thing! It's so hard to watch so many others close to you get the one thing that you want so badly!

    You are right, you have to look at the positives...enjoy the wine, enjoy the extra time with your hubby and time to get yourself healthy!

  6. I know EXACTLY how you feel. The day after I had an OB/GYN appt and found out I had PCOS and some other factors that would make it near impossible for me to conceive, I had to go to my best friends {who was my Matron of Honor} baby shower. There were kids everywhere. I struggled to be there and happy for her while wallowing in my self pity.

    It is so hard when all of my childhood friends are having babies and I'm not sure we're going to be able to. I also set goals for myself to focus on bettering myself before bringing a baby into this world. But there she was COMPLETELY unprepared for a baby. Maturity and financially... and I cringe when I see pictures of them. The best thing the Navy gave me was the ability to move and not have to be around it 24/7.

    I'll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers!

  7. Vent away, lady. And I know I'm one of the pregnant chicks talking, but that aside, I think it's great you are wanting to reach your goals first. Once you become pregnant your body isn't your own any more. Once you have that baby, your life isn't your own any more. If you have goals you want to get to, I think it's awesome that you have decided to reach them. It will preoccupy you, AND you will feel better once you DO get pregnant!

    I know it seems like everyone and their mother is pregnant. It's ridiculous. That doesn't help the girls who are trying so desperately to get pregnant. I have many friends who have been trying for going on 2-3 years now. It's saddening, but I think it's great that you were able to put that aside for a moment and call your friend to congratulate her. When I found out I was pregnant, I had some of those friends push me away as if I had done something to them, and it really hurt me a lot. Did I understand? Yes. But it still hurt because I didn't do anything wrong - it just happened differently for me. The ones who were able to come to me and say congratulations regardless, those were the ones I knew were true friends, and we have been able to support each other, even while on different paths.

    Sorry, am I ranting? Anyway, I commend you for a) going for your goals and b) being there for your friends. I know it's cliche, and I know it's probably not what you want to hear, but when it's your time, it'll happen, and that's really just the hardcore truth of it. You have a lot to look forward to. :)

  8. I'm sorry you are so stressed about this. My sister was going through the same thing, and she had similar feelings, but it finally happened for her once she stopped worrying. I know that's the advice everyone gives, but it's true. Have a great weekend and enjoy that wine and quiet house!

  9. We have been trying about only 4 months. It sucks to get that little visit and be disappointed. Everyone says oh go with the flow, but when you let go and go with the flow....nothing! I finally decided I just didn't want to surround myself with wishing and hoping and looking at baby things and talking about it. I am taking folic acid and I want to take prenatal's. My hubby is deploying very soon, and we are both looking forward to when he gets back and we can try again. trying is the best part!
    By the way.....I am sorry your friend asked you that I would get the same way!! I get extremely jealous, but do my best to be happy for everyone else. I had a friend who got pregnant on their first shot too and its just not fair.
    If it doesnt happen for us within these next few weeks I am going to loose some weight for more healthy baby making and read some books while hubby is deployed.
    Enjoy the rest of your time with your hunny. It will all happen when its ment to. until then I really enjoy reading your blog, and good luck!

  10. First of all you are NOT being selfish by feeling this way. Anyone who has had difficulty either conceiving or staying pregnant (like me) who is NORMAL feels exactly the way you do right now. There is nothing wrong with it so please don't feel ashamed or bad about it.

    And don't listen to the people who say "just relax/stop worrying/just don't try and it will happen." We all know that's not how it works, and its awful advice that seriously makes me want to spit fire!!!

    I hope you can find support in the plethora of women bloggers who are currently or have been in your shoes, because there's tons of us out there!! Your time WILL come, unfortunately you just never know when. But just know that it WILL.

    In my opinion its not too early to schedule an appt with your OB/Gyn just to talk about things - they may not want to do any tests right away, but you never know, and sometimes it's just so useful just to rule things out even if there's nothing going on.

    Sending you lots of hugs, I know exactly how you're feeling!!

  11. This must be so hard for you. :( I have been thinking a lot about all the pregnant ladies out there right now. Blog land and real life. With my husband and I just moving on base it seems like I'm surrounded by babies and mommies. My husband and I have talked about waiting for a few more years and while I still want the same time, I don't. It's hard to know when it's the "right" time.

  12. I totally understand. Been there and now on the road to adoption. We did 3 cycles of IVF. Not to say its your husband but once mine came back from Iraq his swimmers weren't the best. It never hurts to have each other checked out by dr before he goes over for deployment.

  13. I know how you feel, I really, really do.

    We aren't even trying (he says he wants to wait), but we're not really NOT trying, if that makes sense.

    I cry every month when I get my friend. I can't talk to him about it because he thinks I'm being ridiculous.

    Your time WILL come, and when it gets here, we'll all be cheering you on. Until then, we're standing by with hugs :)

    Where are you two kids PCS'ing to?

  14. Katie, this is the hardest thing I think a woman has to go through. I was charting for two years, and wanted this SO badly. While DH and I were trying (we've been together 11 years), my younger sister who just met her husband like 3 months before got pregnant. And not only that, 4 weeks after the baby was born...she got pregnant again! Its a horrible feeling, dealing with people around you.

    Keep an open mind towards visiting a doctor. Turns out both DH and I had some pretty serious health reasons for why we couldn't conceive, and we're on the right path now. Good luck!!

  15. I feel the same way as you. It took us a while to have my first, and we've been trying for a while, I got pregnant back in Feb and miscarried in March. Since then, it seems everyone is pregnant now, but me.

    I know the first time I got pregnant I vowed to stop trying, to wait, it just wasn't time and we needed to have fun and travel our last year in Germany. The next month I was pregnant!

  16. It seriously does seem like every blog I read is showing a positive pregnancy test lately.

    It is very brave of you to vent like you did in this post. I was in your spot a few years ago after I lost my first son. He was born at 26 weeks but only survived 6 days. So after that, I couldn't even look at a pregnant woman. And they were everywhere. I was trying like mad to get preggo again, and getting so upset when it wasn't happening. I decided I was never going to be a mom and that was my life and I had to deal with it. Guess who got preggo the next month?

    So when they say it happens when you're not trying, that's the honest truth. Kind of like falling in love. But you have to REALLY, TRULY not try. I seriously thought it was my destiny to have an angel in heaven and that was it. So when it happened I was shocked. Then after I had him I decided I was lucky to have him, and no way would I be lucky enough to have more healthy babies so I was trying to get my pre-baby body back. Again, not thinking about having a baby whatsoever, and I got pg again with my little girl who is now 6 months old.

    I'm sorry your hubs thinks the way he just cannot understand what it's like to be a woman who wants to be a mother.

  17. Im with you girl!! The hubs and I have been trying for over a year, and still nothing. Seems like everyone I know is getting to have children but me, and its frustrating,especially since I will turn 30 next week...good luck to you guys!! :)

  18. I have only been on the other side, and even so, I think your friend was in the wrong, asking you about your OB. Hang in there.

  19. Go ahead and vent to blogworld, we are listening! And I completely understand how you feel, I def feel like that, too, with everyone having babies... and with having the hubs deployed for a year, we can't even try, which makes me sad! I think you should really enjoy that bottle of wine and all your free time to do whatever you want for YOU! :)
    Hope you have a great weekend and I left you an award on my blog! I love reading yours!

  20. I know exactly what you are going through. My hubby and I also struggled to get pregnant. It was so hard learning that others were pregnant. It was the most stressful thing our marriage has been through. But, once we got through it, our marriage was 10 times stronger. (In the end, we never did get pregnant. We moved to adoption and adopted 2 boys.)

  21. Seriously. I swear everyone I know is pregnant! It has got to make your struggle all the more frustrating. I hate that people just tell you to relax. If it were that easy, everyone would get pregnant in a heartbeat!

  22. Oh honey what a frustrating and heart breaking time in your life. There really are no words to ease the pain and frustration. Just know that God has a plan and a timeline for everything and you will get your sweet bundle when the time is perfectly right!! Hang in there doll

  23. I totally understand where you're coming from and can relate to your situation. My husband and I have been struggling with infertility for about 3 years now. I have PCOS and have been charting, reading books, and have been doing fertility treatments. I'm also a miscarriage survivor. I have 4 close friends who are all pregnant now and even though I try to be supportive and happy for them, I'm totally jealous of them. I'm not going to tell you to relax and it'll happen because I don't like when people tell me that. I do hope that things will happen for you soon though!

  24. I just so happened to run across your blog today from a friends and i honestly have been bawling my eyes out as i read this post. I am blessed enough to have a 2 year old little girl but have been trying for almost a year now to get pregnant with no luck. EVERYONE, including a lot of people who have kids that they can't even care for now, is seeming to get pregnant. My best friend got pregnant, all the girls at this base are pregnant... It's gotten to the point where I quietly have to just delete them from my life because it just hurts so much. I am so sick of the "It'll happen when God's ready" or "It'll happen when you stop trying" or the whole "At least you have one kid so be grateful and stop complaining. From my childhood and being placed in foster care, I always knew all I ever wanted was to be a wife and mommy. Some people aspire to be career women- That's all I wanted... I just feel like it's some cruel joke being played on me... Here I am doing everything I can possibly do and everyone else is getting the one thing I want most in life. I can't tell you to relax, because I know that heartache and that feeling like you just got kicked in the stomach. How you want to be happy, but you just don't have it in you. I get it! But I can tell you if you want to talk, feel free to email me I think we could definitely use the talk! I hope you get your baby soon! and I am sorry for the heartache you are having to feel.


  25. I'm a little late in your pity party, but I'll gladly accept your invitation. This TTC thing is like the hardest thing my husband and I have ever done - it makes this deployment seem like a piece a cake. I like your attitude of having more time to grow out your hair. We were trying for about 10 months before OccDoc deployed. I'm sorry M isn't being more supportive. And, damn, it does seem like everyone who isn't trying gets pregnant when you're TTC. I wish I had more supportive words for you, but I haven't heard them for myself yet. Once I do or think of something I'll send them your way! ***hugs***

    just a little something I thought might make you smile in light of the situation

  27. Hey, i just found your blog (hopped over from Rebekah's) & after reading your newest post, i had to scroll down & read this one. I'm so sorry about everything. It is tough, huh?

    My husband & i have been married almost 2 years (Nov 14). We had said we'd talk about TTC after 2 years, but at about 1.5 years i got baby fever REAL BAD, haha. It has been a topic of tears & some tension in this household. He tries to understand but he doesn't. He says we are not ready (financially) & nothing you can say can change his mind! So i wait for him to "be ready". It is hard. Even though we haven't actually started trying yet, there have been many hard days. I am eaten up with fear that i will have trouble conceiving (i am not getting any younger - will be 33 in march). And i wish my husband would just say "let's go for it!" I'd rather have one earlier than we had planned than not at all! And just like you said, EVERYONE & i do mean EVERYONE haha has been announcing pregnancies or giving birth to beautiful babies lately!

    Last night i was reading "taking charge of your fertility" b/c i want to know what i'm doing when i finally get off the pill & i showed brad the sentence in the book where she talks about age & how that affects fertility. He says not to worry, that it won't be long. He's also agreed to let me get off the pill (huge victory!) after i finish my current pack. He wants me to do what i can to NOT get prego though. But it's still a step in the right direction! :)

    Anyway, good luck! I will pray for you! I'm glad i found your blog. New follower. :)