A few weeks ago I wrote a post about how hard it was for me to find good friends when I moved to Nc. It took a good few months before I finally found my close group of friends. So let me give you a little background on this group before blogging about what happened.
I met my husband at the end of his 07 deployment. He had grown really close with two of the guys he was deployed with and couldn't wait for me to meet them. Well that had to wait until the 08 deployment was over. M and these two guys, let's call them C and J didn't deploy together in 08 due to them each taking different positions within their unit. But still when I moved down M introduced me to their wives and we hit it off. J was gone the whole first year I lived here. I believe M and J had had some sort of falling out but we still all hung out together. J's wife
became my close friend here in town and she was always over at our house since J was always gone. She not only is my close friend but she is my hubby's as well. Also added into our group was a couple friend of J's wife who are non military. M and her hubby hit it off as we did as well and our group expanded to the 8 of us. WE were all inseparable. We joke that we are one big family since none of us have family close by. WE plan b-day celebrations for not only the kids but us adults. WE spend holiday's together and when the guys are gone we spend weekends at each other houses to make the time go by fast. We've taken weekend trips together and have cook out's on the weekends when the guys are home.
This summer J and M were gone so I hung out with his wife constantly. When the guys got back it was only natural that our get together's slowed down since we wanted to spend as much time with our hubby's as possible. So I didn't think anything of the fact that I hadn't seen her in awhile. Well last weekend at another friend's birthday party intoxication ensued and J's wife let it slip that J hates me and M. Now I heard this after the fact and I doubt that she remembers saying it but it stil made me upset. In the 5 times I met J he decides he hates me. And M has barely seen him in the last year and a half so who knows what we did to even make this guy hate us. Now today we have a bday party for J and M refuses to go. I don't know what to do. I want to stay home and support my husband but this party is also a joint party for one of my good friends so I'm torn. I looked to my parent's for advice and they say I should make an appearance at the party. Their reason's being is that even though J doesn't like us I'm still good friends with his wife and she doesn't remember saying that. I also don't want to start alienating my friends since M leaves in a few months. I am far away from my family and bestie back home, I don't want to lose my friends here. And to also make the situation even tougher, we are all PCSing to the same location. I don't want move to the same location with this group and have drama between us.
Again J's wife has no recollection that she ever said this. She was texting me last night about the party and how she bought me something. So what I think is going to happen is that I am going to stop in at the party with my friend while M hangs out with her hubby and then we will meet up with them after an hour. I know I should probably boycott the party all together. If J's wife would have been sober when this occurred it would have been a different story. And since the comment wasn't said directly to me but another friend I don't even know if I can bring up what was said. Ahh I feel so torn and don't know what to do
Any advice?
I can completely understand why you are torn on what to do. I have found though it is always best to be up front and honest about things, especially if something is bothering you. I would say make an appearance at the party like your parents suggested, even if your hubs doesn't go. It's important to have friends when they are away and you're right now isn't a good time to alienate them. I would say after the party is over maybe later tonight or tomorrow sometime talk with her privately and casually bring up what was relayed back to you, explain how it hurt your feelings but you are not mad and understand that alcohol can play a large role in conversation... Just lay it out there on the table and be sure to reassure her that you STILL want to be friends and just see what she has to say, because honestly... who's to say it's even true?
ReplyDeleteWell that's what I would do anyhow... I hope it all works out and your group of people stays the same... Good Luck!
I would go, but I would still say something at some point...It could have been taken out of context, etc. You'll feel better after you talk to her about it :)
ReplyDeleteI think you should pick and choose your battles. If this was hearsay I would let it go and go to the party and let it all go. Now if it was said directly to you that's a different story. Then you should mention it and confront it. If not then go have a good time and let it all go.
ReplyDeleteOh girlie that is so hard. Its a pick and choose your battles sort of thing. I think you have a lot of reasons to be the bigger person and let it go. Do what you feel is right! Good luck :)
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