Thursday, March 11, 2010

Deployment #2

Deployment #2 is fast approaching. M leaves in less than two weeks and the time is flying by. I wish I could say we have been spending every single moment together but that is not the case. Last week I had the flu bug that is going around, this week M is sick and yesterday we had to rush our dog to the vet because I came home to blood stained little presents all over the house. I am happy to report that my dog is doing a little better and it is M that is the sick one in the house.

When we first learned of this deployment the estimated time was 6 months. Now they are saying 3. M's last deployment was supposed to be for 6 months and it turned into 9 so I am going to plan on 6 months so I won't be devastated when he doesn't come home in 3.

Our first deployment was very difficult to say the least. M left a month after we were married and to say I wasn't prepared was an understatement. With all the wedding planning and getting everything organized I barely focused on the approaching deployment. We even started off the deployment on the wrong foot. I wasn't even there to see M off because his deployment date had changed and I had no vacation time to take to be at the airport with him. Let me remind you I was staying in WI at this time and he was leaving from NC. I will never forgive myself for not being there.

One of our main issues during this deployment was lack of communication. I was working at the city's Police Dept. My hours were 3pm-12am. M normally woke up between 10-11 our time and would try to call. Since my job was to mainly answer phone calls and take reports I couldn't really tell the citizen on the phone, I'm sorry that you are getting raped right now but can you please hold while I talk to my hubby who is calling from Afghanistan. At first M was understanding but after a few months of hardly talking this got old very fast.

M also had some trust issues that I had to deal with. M had been married before to a woman who cheated on him with one of the guys from his unit. To say he had some trust issues is def the truth. I felt like I was constantly bearing the brunt of some other girl's mistake. It was awful

Besides our lack of communication and trust issues, it was hard to have a marriage over the phone. Especially a marriage that was just starting out. We had this whole relationship to build as man and wife and we weren't able to live and be with each other like most newlyweds.

Our relationship really hit rock bottom when M went through a few difficult experiences over in Afghanistan. I didn't know how to be there for him and it seemed that no matter what I did, it wasn't right. I would then get frustrated and upset and then M would become frustrated and upset. I also would expect things from M and when they didn't happen become sad and lash out. The time that we actually spent talking was probably mostly spent arguing.

When it got closer and closer to M coming home I was afraid of what was going to happen. Would we make it, would things be weird, did we make a mistake rushing into getting married. All those thoughts disappeared when I saw M for the first time in 9 months. We immediately started crying and apologizing for everything that had happened. We spent the rest of the day talking about everything. It was then I knew we would be fine.

This past year and a half that M has been home has been amazing. Our communication has improved greatly. Whenever we have a problem we immediately discuss it and work it out. From the past experiences during his deployment we have learned a lot. Our respect for each other and our understanding for each other has grown. We are stronger because of everything we dealt with during his deployment and even though I am sad M is leaving I know we can handle anything. As bad as the first deployment was our love for each other is much stronger and we won't let anything get in the way
SO bring it on Deployment #2

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20 comments:

  1. You sound like you're going into the second deployment with a really great attitude. I think it's incredible and awesome that you guys have become so strong together. This deployment will seem like cake compared to the first one. :)

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  2. So sorry you had to go through all of this heartache during the first deployment, but I am so happy to hear it has made you stronger as a couple. So many people just give up and it is clear you two love each other immensly and can get through anything. I am so glad I found your blog.

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  3. You two are such a strong couple and I really admire you for that. I can't imagine putting myself in your shoes and being as strong as you. I hope that they keep him less than planned there and he gets to return to you safely!

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  4. What a beautifully honest post. It sounds like the first deployment was so rough for both of you, but hopefully the experience will help you through this next one. Keep strong and know we are all here for you!

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  5. You are so strong. I really admire how positive and determined you are to make this ordeal the best it can be.

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  6. I soooo appreciate your honesty! As someone who has been through it before and is going through it again right now, I totally understand where you are coming from. It's not easy and it never will be, but you have learned so much from your previous experience that I know you will own this deployment! :) Thank you for sharing your deployment wisdom with me and if you ever need someone to talk to please let me return the favor! You guys are at a great place in your relationship right now and I truly believe that absence makes the heart grow fonder. There is nothing like the moment you see him for the first time in months!

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  7. You two are so strong and YOU are so strong and Honest. Lots of luck and strength to you as you go through this with a positive outlook!

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  8. Oh honey I really understand. G.I. Joe left for his first deployment a week after we were married. Our first 3 years of marriage were mostly lived out over the phone. The fact that you guys survived your first one shows that you can weather anything together.

    We're just be praying that this deployment goes by fast for you guys (whether its 3 months or 6) and that this one only strengths you all even more.

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  9. I'm dreading B leaving me he leaves on the 21st of this month for basic.I wont see him till May and then he goes to Tech school we know he will probrable get sent over were praying he doesn't but if he does we have been through alot together and I know we will make it through if he does have to get sent over seas. You are a strong women I know you can do it..

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  10. I've told you this a million times but I really appreciate your honesty. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. And lemme know if you wanna come up this way to see the beach or get distracted!

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  11. The exact same thing happened with my husband and I. Except we never talked on the phone. We maybe skyped once every 2 weeks it was awful. He wasn't even active when we met so him going was a complete shock! We got engaged and 2 weeks later he got a letter saying he had a month to pack up and leave (re-training & after Christmas Iraq). We got married when he came home for Christmas. So like you, our first year as Newlyweds was spent on different continents.

    My husband was recently honorably discharged & is now going to get his PhD so I don't have to worry about this anymore. So all my thoughts and prayers will go to you and your husband on this deployment. Good luck lady!

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  12. DH finds out at 4pm if he is deploying for the seventh time. i am not nervous no not at all (can you hear the laughter) i found your blog when i saw ABC's about me on someone elses blog and I want to try it out

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  13. i just realized we are both in fayettville. how long have you been here, we moved here a month ago but DH just went back to work on Wednesday. He finds out today if he is deploying in a couple weeks

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  14. I am really glad I found your blog. I live in NC to! I will be praying for you guys!

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  15. I'm sorry that he has to go away again, I'll keep you guys both in my prayers for sure.
    I know it has to be so difficult to be apart and worry all the time.
    But at least you learned from the first deployment of the things you won't do this time around. I bet it will work out better as far as the jealousy goes now that you've been married longer.

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  16. Good luck on this deployment, they are never easy, but atleast you know you both are strong individually and well as strong together! :)

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  17. I am sorry he is leaving, again...it sounds like you both learned a lot last time and have a lot more skills and patience to deal with this second go around, though. Good luck!

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  18. I hope it goes by fast, hun. :)

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  19. I just found your blog, and I love it. I spent six years as a Naval Officer, and while I am single, I can appreciate what you go through. I think military wives never get enough respect for what they do....I think you are awesome.

    ElleBelle :)

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  20. just a update, dh is leaving april 15th.

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