Sunday, September 26, 2010

We're All In This Together

I saw a similar post about this topic the other day but for some reason can't remember which of my fellow mil spouse bloggers posted about this. And since I agreed completely with her post I wanted to write about it myself

As a military wife there isn't a day that goes by that I'm not proud of my husband and his career. He has gotten where he is due to his commitment, courage and strength. Once he sets his mind to something he accomplishes it and never gives up. I am proud of his rank, status and job. But yet I rarely talk about it. Why?because I don't feel that he is better than anyone else nor do I feel that it is my right to talk about his career in front of other people. If people ask what he does, what rank he is and so forth, I will discuss it but I do not freely bring it up in conversation. To me just being in the military is worthy of honor and praise. It doesn't matter what your job, rank or status is. All military men and women deserve respect.

All of my friend's have husbands with a different mos than mine, are different ranks and comprise of different units in the army. And I think that's cool. Obviously I can relate to the wives of guys in my hubs unit more since our husbands deploy together, but I love hearing about what the other wives husbands do. Because without an infantry guy, a commo guy, a medic or a parachute rigger all the pieces wouldn't come together. All the specific jobs in the military add together to comprise one whole unit. Every job is equally important and you can't do any job by yourself. You need everyone to work together.

So it bother's me when wives wear rank and brag about their husband's job and act like they are better than any one else. My mil spouse blogger bff has had some negative comments written on her blog. Her post was taken way out of context and the anonymous commenter continues to write nasty comments. She accuses my friend of talking down about her husband's deployment experience and yet has to throw in that her husband is infantry and deserves all the respect.
It's comments like that that bother me. As military wives we should all stick together. Not bash one another for our blog posts or compare rank and jobs between our husband's. In the end they are all experiencing deployments, they are all leaving behind family and friends and us wives are left to pick up the pieces and carry on at home. SO why aren't we supporting one another, providing each other with courage and strength instead of negativity. Why bash a person's opinion and experience just because you don't agree with it.

And just a disclaimer I'm only talking about one blogging incident although I do see this with a lot of wives where I am stationed. That's why I only have a few milie friends and the rest are civilians.
I will say that all my mil spouse bloggers are nothing but amazing and were always there for me when I needed to vent on my blog either about my husband's deployment or issues I face as a military spouse. I love reading y'all posts and marveling at your strength and courage as many of you are going through deployments or are just trying to cope with life as a milspouse. I am thankful that I decided to start blogging and that I can not only use it as an outlet to release all I have to say but that I was also put in touch with others experiencing the same situation that I am. It's such a great community to be apart of. And I also don't want people to think that I am being negative about those that do talk about their husbands rank or job on their blog. That's not what I am saying at all. I know that it's a way for us to talk about our pride for our husband's. I just am trying to convey the point that as military wives we are all in this together regardless of our husband's rank or status. Hope this doesn't offend anyone. And if it does that is truly not what I am trying to do


  1. I hear you. A lot of people take branch and mos pride a little too far and we all need to remember that we are all making the same sacrifices and fighting for the same thing.

  2. Totally agree! Sometimes I just want to say stop living through your husband and get your own life. Rude, I know, but seriously, grown up! Thanks for reminding us that we are all in it together working towards the same goal. It takes a village, or in this case, an army!

  3. I'm glad I haven't run into anything like that yet on base, but it's probably because I barely have any friends here! Hopefully I don't have to experience that stuff in the future though. I agree with you completely. Rank doesn't really matter. I mean it's great to get a higher paycheck I'm sure, but when it comes down to it all of the jobs are needed just as much as the next one. Well spoken! Sorry your friend has been receiving those comments. I moderate mine so that I can approve them before they get posted. I'm not sure if she does that already, but if she's concerned about negative comments being posted then she should consider doing it as well. :)

  4. Oh the rank thing kills me. But you already know that :)

    I was seriously blown away when I started getting comments from that couple on my tattoo post (months old) this week. Who does that??? I think its so sad something the way military spouses treat each other. You know these comments haven't been my only milblogger drama lately and I just don't get it. How on earth can we demand that civilians value and respect us when we aren't willing to do that for each other?

    Some wives might parade around with yellow ribbons and say "support our troops" but the way they live is more like "support this division. support this MOS. support officers. support NCO's."

    No matter what though I'm super lucky to have you for a BFF :) I know that any time of day, whether its a "huge" thing like our re-enlistment fiasco or a kind of silly thing like "someone's being mean to me on my blog!" you're always there. That's the best Milie support I could ask for. If only everyone treated each other like that.

  5. Well said!! I have only been in the milspouse world for a couple months now, but it's good to be warned of things like this early on and always awesome to get reminded that we as 'MILspouses' (not ARMYspouse, USAFspouses, USMCspouses, INFANTRYspouses...etc.) should be banding together as a team and supporting ALL our troops. Don't get me wrong, I am all for showing pride in specifics (MOS, branch, etc.) but not when it portrays superiority over another. GREAT topic, great post :)

  6. Excellent Post.

    My husband is in the Coast Guard and people look at that and say "you're not a real milwife." Which is PREPOSTEROUS bc my husband is away 3 days to 2 weeks at a time and never has a time where he is home for 6 months straight, not at all. He is hardly ever home more than a week. He is on call for the next 3 weeks. Pretty much a 24/7 police officer/EMT/ and Border Patrol member.

    I agree with Mrs. GI Joe's post, her comments, and her husband's as well.

    The "Marriage Counselors" were WAY out of line. If you are TRULY concerned about someone or their marriage you go to them in LOVE!!!!

    This means show more positive things than negative "You dealt with the distance and hardships in a way that most 19 year olds couldn't handle, you made it- GREAT job. But I do want you to hear what your husband is telling you. HE LOVES YOU, and you WERE an INTEGRAL part of that year for him; please don't dismiss that, because for him that is very close to his heart in a way that can't be explained. I see your hurt and understand where it comes from fully, distance is hard for EVERYONE, but I want you to know that love and support is there and he was blessed because of your love."

    That's all it would've taken. I am just shocked that people would behave like that because they feel "entitled" bc of years of experience, rank, or branch.

  7. I ALWAYS avoid MOS conversations--nobody wants to be friends with an MP's wife, LOL ;)

  8. Shayla, right there with you! I am also a Milspouse (and milblogger as well) to a US Coastie, and proudly so! But sometimes, even our Coasties refer to themselves as "the red headed step children of the military" ... it's sad :( because they are an integral part of our country's defense and upkeep here and in surrounding seas, just as our Navy Sailors, Marines, and Army, National Guard, did I forget anyone? LOL

    Thank you for your post, Katie! You are truly a wonderful sister to have in our milspouse family!

    J, my love, drama is for losers :) You, my dear friend, are a winner on all counts.

  9. Love this post! I just don't like to go there, like you said, we are all in this together an who cares what your husband does what matters is that he is honorably serving his country!

  10. I actually read this post earlier in the week, but for some reason my comment wouldn't post. Anyway, I totally agree with you that we all need to stick together. I can't stand reading comments that are full of hate and empty of support. Fortunately, I have found nothing but support and love in the blogosphere, and that is one of the reasons I love blogging so much. It's so much easier to get thru the hard times when I know there are so many other mil spouses out there going thru the same things.

    As far as the women who wear their husbands' rank and brag about their MOS's, I think that's their own problem. I don't care about any of my friends' husbands' ranks or jobs. to me, it doesn't matter what our husbands' ranks, jobs, branches, locations, etc are...we are all mil spouses. And we need to support each other no matter what.

    Thank you so much for such a great post!