Thursday, September 23, 2010

My MilSpouse MisConceptions

The hubs and I went out to dinner with a newly married couple last night. They had just gotten married and she just moved to NC last week. During dinner she was asking me how easy it was to make friends in town, what things they are to do, etc, etc. I thought back to my first few days as a milspouse and all the misconceptions I brought along with me

M deployed after we were married and I stayed in WI with my family. So I missed out on all the spouse's activities that went on when I was away. I communicated only with the FRG leader through email or phone calls but that was about it. So when M came back and I finally moved down to NC I was very excited to "officially" be a military spouse.

I am not afraid to admit I thought life as a military wife would be just like an episode of army wives. I expected a big welcome when we rolled up to our apartment with all M's friend's and their wives. We would immediately hit it off and be life long besties. That didn't happen. Only one guy in M's unit was married and since he took a different position once he got back from his deployment there was no corresponding FRG. No outlet for me to make friends. We also lived off post that made it a little difficult to meet people

Even with no FRG or other wives in the unit, I was not deterred. I just knew finding milie besties would be easy. I had read about and heard about all the get together's various unit's put on. Bake sales, cook out's, friday night girl's nights. Wrong again. Most of the event's put on by M's unit were kid friendly. Since we don't have kids(yet) we didn't attend. Scratch that idea

So I turned to facebook and myspace. I met a group of girls on myspace who had planned a get together at a local restaurant. I went and found I had nothing in common with these girls. I was the oldest one by years and was snubbed because I worked.(I know this is not always the case, I'm just relaying my experience with the first group of girl's I met down here) I was told point blank that my place was at home with my husband

So back to facebook I went. I made a few friends in my apt complex and also met a few more girls off facebook. Finally I thought I had a good group of friends. Nope, that group was nothing more than a high school clique. With girls pulling their husband's rank, talking behind others backs, one day being mad at so and so and the other day being her best friend.I couldn't take it. It was drama filled and overwhelming. At 26 I was way to old for that.

Luckily I did end up meeting a great group of friends. Our hubby's have all worked together in the past so the guys and us girls all get along. We joke we are each others adopted families and already have plans for holiday celebrations.

I have adjusted to life here in NC living in a military town and have made great friends. Thinking back I have to laugh at how naive and innocent I was when moving here. Military life wife is not like an episode of army wives thought I wouldn't trade if for the world!


  1. This post could have been written by me. We just moved to a new duty station and I can't see myself making any friends in the near future - mostly because I don't have kids, I am a graduate student, 26 years old and trying to find work. I am probably better of finding non-military friends...

  2. This is a good post, especially for new milspouses to read. I think a lot of us have misconceptions about what Army life will be like before we are officially engulfed in it. It is not always easy to make friends, especially when we move around so often!

  3. Ha! I'm like Stefanie; I was 25, no kids, grad degreed, was looking for work when we moved to San Antonio. And I totally got snubbed at my first Army group gathering for working and for not trying to get pregnant at the time. Everywhere we've lived I've only made one or two friends with MilSpouses, the rest have been my coworkers or covolunteers.

    I think it's great you are 'mentoring' this newlywed! My hat's off to you - wish I would have known you 5 years ago when I started this ride.

  4. I'm so glad you're adjusting and have found those true friends that you need and deserve.

    PS - I tagged you on my blog today. Love you Blogger BFF! :)

  5. I feel very similar to you since I work and am older and we have no kids. Most of my friends in Fayetteville are not military.

  6. That's so good you found a group of true friends to spend time with!

    I would be just like you and imagine everyone would be just like Army Wives!

  7. I'm with my husband at Ft. Bragg and I have run into the exact same problem. In fact, my closest friend is a co-worker. My husband and I are newlyweds, but I'm certainly not new to the game, considering we've been together for the past 6 years. I actually do not want kids for a long time - ahh! Blasphemy! LOL - We just want time to ourselves. I know at nearly 23 yrs old, I'm nowhere near ready for babies. I'm more interested in focusing on my career anyway. I plan to go back to graduate school in two years.

    I'm not sure what part of NC you're in, but my guess is that you're probably here at Bragg as well if your husband is Army? If so, perhaps we could get together sometime :)

  8. Great post ! My best friend's fiancé is in the French Legion and she is contemplating moving to Djibouti with him and live on base. The thing is, there is only the military base in Djibouti and she would have NO choice but to make friends with the other wives and I'm sure it can get tough at times.
    I'm glad you found a great group of friends ! :)

  9. I can relate to ya'!

    I found when we were overseas it was much easier to make friends. Since we've been in Texas we've made some friends but it's been hard. The friends I have made are from my work, and even though I have a child, it was and is still hard to make friends. Sometimes it seems like we are the only ones trying to do things and have get togethers, it gets tiring after a while!

  10. I wish I could meet you and every other spouse on here who commented with something along the lines of "That was me!" because I've been in ND for almost 2 years and I still know hardly anyone. Everyone my husband works with is either married with kids or not married...and it's hard to make friends with the guys girlfriends who only stick around for a week or two. Up here there aren't many facebook pages or anything like that and it's next to impossible to make milspouse friends in town because almost everyone married lives on base. Now you've got me all fired up about this! haha.

  11. Oh man it's so nice to find "that" group of friends. It always takes me awhile, but after a year in San Diego I think I finally found mine. Well besides two I have, and one of them i've known since Junior High ha.