Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Dear Deployment-You suck

My husband deployed a month after we got married. To say I wasn't prepared for a deployment was an under statement. I had no idea what to expect or what it was going to be like. Since I had my family, friends, job and school in WI I decided to stay there during the deployment.At first it seemed like the best option. I threw myself into work. I picked up two more jobs and basically worked from 8am-midnight. I was always working when my husband called and that created problems. Looking back I realize that I had been on auto-pilot, going through the motions and counting down the days till my husband came home. Now I realize that as I was coping I was also pushing him away and not being the support system he needed.
Friends didn't help the matter much. When my husband and I would argue, I would turn to them for support but since no one had ever experienced our situation they had little advice. TO them our fighting and being apart was bad news for an early marriage .Any little fight we had my friends turned into a big issue. Instead of being supportive and trying to understand, they would criticize us and our relationship. "You should have waited to get married, you guys are not going to last. "I had one friend start researching annulments. All this just created even more for my husband and I to fight about. My family didn't help much either. Don't get me wrong they were a huge support system for me but were always trying to get in our business.
The worst of the deployment came about a month before he came home, Right around this time last year. We had had a huge fight and ended up saying things we didn't mean and I thought that we were over. I dreaded the days until he came home. Things between us were tense and on edge. I drove down to North Carolina wandering how things would be between us. I now know I had nothing to worry about. The minute we were back in each other's arms all was right with the world.
If and when my husband has to deploy again we are more prepared. We learned from all of our mistakes and now can look back on that experience and laugh. We now know that all that happened made us stronger and that if we can handle a deployment we can handle anything. Sometimes the best things come out of the worst things in life. As much as I hated this past deployment in a strange way I treasure it. Our marriage, relationship, and us as individuals were tested in a way that not many ever have to experience. Knowing that we made it through something like that, not only made us grow as a couple and as individuals but it made us stronger.

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