Thursday, March 20, 2014

Do You Wanna Build A Snowman

Contrary to what this blog title and above picture suggests this is not another post about Frozen. Instead it's an ode to Motherhood.
Since Frozen has come out it has been all we've heard about or listened to. My husband and I can sing all the songs and Gianna requests to sing and dance to them multiple times a day.  I hear Do You Wanna Build A Snowman in my sleep. It is never ending
And it got me thinking about Motherhood and how some days are just never ending! It has been a rough few weeks around here. Ethan is getting his molars in, we all had the flu and then the husband's deployment date kept changing and changing. It was a little stressful in our house to say the least
For a week straight I got nothing done in our house. Ethan would not calm down unless held. I held that kid for hours and hours. We spent so much time rocking in the chair in his room leaving Gianna to sit on the couch playing on my ipad. On top of teething he also had a horrible sinus infection and we found out he may  be lactose intolerant. The poor kid had some major issues going on. Hence the endless amounts of holding I had to do.
And don't get me wrong. I  loved every second of it
However life goes on. The house still needed to be cleaned, laundry washed and folded and dinner made. None of that happened for over a week. One day I woke up with a major to do list and accomplished nothing. Nothing! Neither kid would allow it. Ethan's teeth finally poked through and then it was Gianna's turn to get sick followed by me coming down with the worst migraine ever.
When I finally felt better I was one ball of tension. My house was a wreck. I decided to leave it until after the husband left so last Friday I set out to finally clean my house. I strapped the kids into their high chairs, fed them a huge breakfast and got to work. I had the main areas of the house spotless and was pretty pleased with myself. I got the kids out of their seats, cleaned them up and ran to use the bathroom. Two minutes later I emerged to every toy thrown all over the house. Not to mention a thick cloud of goldfish cheese covering everything since my daughter decided to walk around the house shaking the jumbo box of extra cheddar cheese goldfish around. It was all over the tv and  embedded in my couch and  carpet. I was livid. I tried to enlist her in helping me clean but that was pointless. The terrible 2's my friends are truly terrible
Anyway the day only got worse from there. And the weekend was not any better. Between the endless cleaning and re-cleaning I had two super cranky toddler on my hands. Neither would leave me alone and if they had to spend any time playing together it immediately turned into a smacking match. My nerves were shot and I think I spent most of the day cleaning, yelling and referring between the two. I sat down at one point to try and read for a few minutes but that never happened. The open book in my hands must have been an instant cue for both  kids to come climb and jump on me, then get mad at the other because one wanted to sit on my lap and the other didn't want him to.
I felt like my days had become endless and stuck on repeat.
It's during those moments that you really let everything get to you. I was exhausted by what it truly means to be a mom. The neediness of my children, the endless cooking, cleaning and laundry that was only my responsibility. It was almost overwhelming. I found myself shouting Mommy just wants to read a book. Leave me alone.  The look on Gianna's face was all the affirmation I needed. She was shocked and even now, almost a week later she will ask Does Mom want me to leave her alone. Insert knife into my chest
It's true that right now, my kids need me. For everything, They are not at an independent age and with my husband gone yet again I am both mommy and daddy. It is impossible to meet both their needs all the time or to spend the one on one time each kid needs and crave.Yet there will come a day when they won't need me. And that day will be here before I know it.
Everyone has bad days, parents and kids alike and although this past weekend was a rough one I still went to bed each night wishing I wouldn't have yelled as much or wishing I would have spent more time actively playing with the kids instead of worrying about cleaning my house. I came across this quote on Pinterest
The source is from Lisa Jo Baker's Blog and if you haven't read anything by her you are missing out. She has a book on motherhood coming out and I had the privilege to read the first few chapters and man are they amazing. I have never read a book on motherhood that so completely captured what it truly means to be a mom. I am counting down the days until the actual book is released because I need a good for the soul sort of read.
Motherhood is hard, dirty, messy, overwhelming, never ending and frustrating. Yet it's the most important thing I have ever done and will do in my life. And it's also the most rewarding, I would never trade this stage in for the world. Even the bad days.
So, Do You wanna build a snowman? I think instead of cleaning today the kids and I will be watching Frozen for the 1000 time and singing along at the top of our lungs.

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