Saturday, January 21, 2012
This post has been something I've wanted to write for a long time but have been afraid to. I don't want to be judges or to have people take this post the wrong way. But since my blog is my own personal space I decided to go ahead and write it
You know the saying a woman becomes a mom the minute they become pregnant and a dad becomes a dad the minute the baby is born. Well that is def true. Although I'm still waiting for that to sink in to the hubs sometimes.
Don't get me wrong. He is an amazing dad. Gianna loves him so much and he loves her. He is so good at making up silly little songs and playing with her that it makes me smile from ear to ear. It's just in other ways I wish he'd step up more.
Since Gianna has been born she is my number one priority. There are days I get no time to myself. The house looks like a tornado went through it, laundry doesn't get done or if it does it's thrown places instead of folded, I walk around with baby puke in my hair and puréed peas all over my shirt. And I honestly don't mind. I love it. I just sometimes wish I'd get one hour to myself!
It doesn't help when the hubby waltzes in after work, plops down in front of the tv, asks when dinners ready and enjoys a video game
Meanwhile I'm still covered in puke and peas, holding a screaming baby and trying to make a semi decent and healthy meal. Then after dinner is over I hope he will take over but nope back to plopping on the couch after a smoke outside for desert. Meanwhile I'm cleaning up the remains of dinner, feeding the baby and giving her a bath. Then it's 730 and time to put her to bed. At this point im so exhausted I fall asleep shortly after.
Weekends are no different. Every weekend I hope the hubs will give me the morning off but no he immediately gets up, makes coffee and plays a video game leaving me with a baby to change and feed.
Now I know I'm painting the hubs in a bad light and I'm
Not trying to. In his defense he doesn't work a simple 8-4 job. Most days he's up at 430, at work by 5 and he doesn't get home until 6 or 7. I certainly dont blame him for relaxing on the couch after work. And on the weekends he takes care of all of the cleaning I don't get to and he's amazing at doing all the chores I hate. All the nasty deep cleaning stuff
I admit our ideas of entertaining the baby are different. He's fine with playing video games as long as she's in the room and he can keep an eye on her, I think we actually need to entertain her.
And if he does give me the morning off and watches her or occupies her while I clean or read a book. I feel guilty, like I'm an awful mom abandoning her child. So I stop what I'm doing and join in with whatever they are doing. I'm constantly torn between trying to keep up with daily life and spending good quality time with my daughter. I beat myself up if I don't feel like I stimulated her enough during the day, or stress over her meeting her milestones, especially when it comes to her verbal skills. I pick her up immediately if she's crying and try to keep her as entertained as possible.
Meanwhile the hubs is content with just letting her be. He feels she has to learn to play by herself and he doesn't hover the way I do. Like I said he feels as if quality time with her is spent with her sitting in his lap watching daddy play video games. And I'm not saying its not
It's just different how we have to very different approaches to our daughter. My mom says it was the same way with my dad. He pretty much left everything up to her, the feeding, changing, getting to bed, etc etc and only stepping in wheel playing with her. Then she said the minute I turned one, was waking and talking and doing more things he stepped in and spent way more time with me from there on out.
So I just wander if anyone else had experiences like this. Again in not saying we are having problems, or he doesn't spend time with her. That's not the case. There are just some instances where we differ when it comes to her and I feel like sometimes it hasn't sank in to him that he had another person to take care of now and his needs don't always come first.
So what do y'all think. Is this typical first year of motherhood stuff. Any advice. Please share!
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