Struggling

Last week was one for the books. I debated about even writing this post but felt I had to. To be honest to myself and to do what I have always intended. To keep this blog real, to use it as a journal and an outlet. So that's what I'm doing.

I feel like I am drowning. My days are becoming repetitive, tiresome, boring and frustrating. Things with Gianna are reaching an all time breaking point. Where has my sweet little girl gone? I have blogged before about her not listening, but lately she is acting out in ways that are becoming very discouraging.

Last week the temperature dipped into the 60's here in Fl. It was heaven. I cracked open the windows. Of course the screens were down but it was so nice getting some air into the house. I took Ethan in his room at one point to change his diaper, leaving Gianna coloring at the kitchen table. I come back out to her missing. I searched the house finding her nowhere. I heard the sound of her laughing and happened to look outside. There she was running around with the dogs. The only exit to the backyard is our patio door which was securely shut and locked. I happened to glance at the window above the kitchen table and saw the screen slightly punched out. My daughter had climbed onto the kitchen table. punched through the screen and crawled outside. I didn't know whether to discipline her or hug her tightly for not getting hurt. I settled on the latter and just brought her inside

Then saturday I took the kids to the circus to get outta the house. Gianna ran around like a crazy person, climbing all over the bleachers, and refusing to sit down. Poor Ethan had to sit strapped in the stroller as I chased Gianna everywhere. When I finally reached her and told her to come sit by me she spit her popcorn all over me. Right then and there I cried

Every day is such a struggle with her.She has become downright nasty to Ethan and fun trips out with the kids turn into a nightmare due to struggling with Gianna to listen and what not. I don't know what to do

Nothing works with her. Yelling, time out's, spanking, taking things away, positive reinforcement, one on one time. Nothing registers. She went into time out three times in a row the other day and each time she got out she would continue doing what she got into trouble for.

Everyone says be consistent, be firm and clear on your expectations. Or if your my husband, he tells me to remember that she is only 2. None of those answers are very helpful in this situation. 




And let's not even talk about my house. I feel like all I do is clean, do laundry and the dishes. All to no avail. Thursday I vacuumed and mopped the kitchen floors 3 times apiece. And as soon as I finished it didn't take before the dogs or kids spilled, puked, pooped or messed up my floor. I don't even know why I bother.

My living room and play room are constantly littered with play food, fisher price little people, baby dolls and books. The mess is never ending.

Added to the never ending to do list and feelings of failure as a parent is the constant guilt. Some days the only way I get anything done is when the kids are strapped into their booster seats and eating or plopped in front of the tv. Then as I'm scrambling to fold the laundry or clean the bathrooms I feel guilty for not actually spending time with my kids. I promise myself that during nap time(since neither kid naps at the same time) I will spend quality one on one time with them, but I find myself trying to pick up or finish whatever I didn't accomplish that morning. Or showering for the first time in days. And night time is the same. I rush to make dinner and get through bath time to find some relief and quiet time alone but that always backfires. I go to bed every night vowing that tomorrow will be different. That the tv will stay off, that I will fully engage with the kids and ignore the dishes and chores but every morning I wake up, exhausted before the day has even begun and I'm rushing to turn on bubble guppies so I can relax on the couch for at least an hour before really starting my day. And that just makes me feel guilty all over again.

Do any of you ever feel like this? How do you balance it all? Do I need to let the clean house and sparkling dishes go? How do I deal with the toddler years? Help Mama's!

To lighten up the mood I found the following story
The below story goes with the picture above. Author is unknown
A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard.
The door of his wife’s car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog.
Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall.
In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.
In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.
He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened.
He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door.
As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap, and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.
As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel.
She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked:
“What happened here today?’”
She again smiled and answered, “You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world I do all day?”
“Yes,” was his incredulous reply.
She answered, ‘”Well, today I didn’t do it.