Thursday, November 21, 2013

Patience and a Reminder

With all that's been going on regarding Gianna's behavior lately there has been a shift in the house. Or mostly within me. I have become the mom I vowed never to be. I am quick to anger, I yell more than I'd like and I find myself resorting to spanking more often than I want to admit.( Spanking does nothing for Gianna so I don't do it that often. So don't yell at me)

I just never in a million years think that my sweet, baby girl would be so hard to manage once the toddler years hit. And who would have thought that my fussy, colicky, whiny baby boy would become such a sweet heart. He is easily now my favorite child( I totally kid)

In regards to Gianna I often find myself at wits end. There have been days I lock myself in my bathroom and cry because I am clueless as to how to get through this stage. 
The terrible 2's have nothing on the sleepless nights and constant nursing of those newborn days. After her first year and Ethan's, I thought I could handle anything. But I am proven wrong day after day

Part of me knows that this is a stage and like all stages it will come to an end. It is also typical for her to act the way she does. She is the oldest child and finally starting to realize that Ethan gets a lot of attention. With only one parent to go around it is a constant struggle to find the time for both of them and she is starting to realize that. Her behavior is a cry for attention and also a battle of the minds. She is trying to come into her own, figure out who she is and testing the boundaries is all a part of doing that

I know all this and yet when she does something to push my buttons I explode. I find it hard to be patient, to explain things to her, to listen to what she is trying to tell me, either with her words or with her actions. I need to stop and look at the situation and try to figure out the cause of the behavior and then go from there in determining the next step. I have to stop immediately reacting because that is clearly not solving anything

As much as I love a good parenting book I have come to learn that Gianna isn't a child that will fit a specific mold. Following A,B,and C with her will not always work. One day solution A may work and the next solution Z may be the answer. As she changes, evolves and grows,  I need to be more patient with both myself and her. I need to give myself grace, therefore showing her grace and I need to go with the flow. Being consistent works to some extent but some days I just need to roll with the punches and stop and truly figure out what is causing Gianna to act the way she does

I also need to be more present with the kids. It is so easy to get caught up in the household chores and to do list when in all reality I should be shoving all that stuff to the side and focusing on what truly matters around here. I feel that as mom's we are always waiting for our children to reach the next stage. Once they are born we can't wait until they can roll over, sit up, eat baby food, then solids, get their first tooth and so on and so forth that sometimes as we wait and anticipate the next stage we miss what is going on right in front of us

At the disastrous circus event the other weekend I was texting a fellow mommy friend. She happens to have two teenage girls and a 3 year old son. I jokingly said that I don't know how the teenage years could be worse than the 2's. She responded that while the 2's are hard, the teenage years are def harder. And on top of the teenage years being hard, you also desperately wish they were little again.
 That really struck a chord with me. While Gianna's behavior is a struggle this stage with her is truly a blast. It is so fun to watch her grow, to have a conversation with her, to hear her likes and dislikes, to watch her play and get have interests. I wouldn't trade it for the world. And by me wanting to find a solution, or spend my day just getting through it I am not focusing on what the things that really matter

Another friend sent me this  as we were talking about how hard it is to keep a house clean with kids running around
No one said being a parent was easy and as Gianna figures out who is is, I too will learn and evolve as a parent and figure out what works and doesn't work. All I can do in the meantime is have patience and give her grace.  Grace goes a long way. Gianna is not a perfect child and I am no way near a perfect, wife, daughter or mother, It is unfair of myself to expect so much from a 2 year old when she is just trying to figure it all out herself


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