My book club is currently reading How to talk so your kids will listen by Adele Farber and page one had me hooked. The first 3 lines alone had me nodding my head so I thought I would share them with you
" I was a wonderful parent before I had children. I was an expert on why everyone else was having problems with theirs. Then I had three of my one. Living with real children can be humbling."
Oh so true.Before I had children I was the perfect parent. I pointed out everyone's parenting mistakes and knew that I would be a much better parent than those around me. And then Gianna was born and she further proved my point. I mean she was such an easy baby. Besides wanting to nurse all the time and not wanting to sleep on her own, as long as she was being held she was fine. Obviously she wanted to be held because I was such an amazing mom and she wanted to be by me at all times. And because I was more of an attachment parent I was well on my way to raising an independent, loving child.To be honest for the first 12 months I was convinced of this! Some examples of the ways I used to judge people are as follows
- Watching moms make endless threats or promises at the grocery store." If you don't stop yelling you are not getting a new toy. Or " If you behave I will buy you a new toy
I of course would never make empty threats or promise my kid with a toy just because they behaved at the store. What a sure way to raise an entitled brat.And your only showing your kid how to manipulate you if you never follow through on your punishments
-Story time. Story time was prime judgement time. Gianna would sit peacefully in my lap, watching everyone around her while all the older children ran around as if they were in the jungle. They'd grab every other kids snack cups, or snatch bottles and not sit politely and listen to the story. The whole time the parent sat there and did nothing, Never would I allow that to happen. Did I mention that Gianna was 4mths old when I started taking her)
-Play dates- I used to hate play dates at my house. Especially when Gianna was a baby. My friends with toddlers were rough with her, didn't share their toys, always begged for snack and got bored every 5 minutes. Clearly they were spoiled rotten at home and used to always getting their way.
The list is endless. So many things I swore my children would never do, Spank, threaten, buy toys at the store to keep them quiet, let them sleep with me, not have a structured routine in palce, etc, etc
Well, karma is a Witch! I now have that child at story time that refuses to sit down with me and instead wanders around(She at least doesn't snatch kids snacks or be obnoxiously loud, she just likes to walk around) I also some days have to get her a toy to make it through a single shopping trip. And my child is horrible at sharing. Horrible. We do not have a structured routine in place since Ethan's teething and refusal to nap some days or nap all day the following day really throws a wrench in our plans. And all day every day I find myself telling a todder No until I am blue in the face. That also goes along with the countless threats and lack of follow through on my part just to get my toddler to listen to me for five seconds. Not to mention that it is just me at home with no relief at the end of the day. Sometimes the only way to get through the day with a tantruming toddler and a fussy baby is to stay in my pajamas and have movie day. And wine. Lots and lots of wine. Or coffee. Coffee is good to and should probably be drank more than wine!
Since becoming parent Ive learned that judging does no good. No good at al
I know find myself the object of judgement and looks. By both my friends and by strangers. And let me tell you it sucks. Because at the end of the day I am trying my best and doing all I can do on my own. And I'm the only one walking in my shoes. No one else is in my situation.Everyone handles things differently. So why the constant mommy wars. Why the judgment and the constant critique. As moms we know how hard parenting can be. Why don't we just own that and give each other a break. Instead of judgement offer praise and reassurance. Because I for one know that no one is the perfect parent and no one has it all together. And to all those I judged I am so sorry! And for all of you that judge me, you will get what's coming to you. Hehe
I was so guilty of judging before I had kids too. I feel badly I did that. I wonder if we judge because we are unsure of ourselves? Before we had kids we might have been unsure deep down about how we would raise our future children. We see people doing things a certain way and feel we need to have an opinion so that when it is our turn our kids will somehow be "better than that?" I don't know.
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