Missing HIm

The husband has been gone for 2 months now and we have two months left  until he comes home. Although he is only TDY and still in the states I think this separation is harder than the previous deployment and other separations. You would think that 4 months apart would be a piece of cake considering after this past deployment but having my husband home for only 4 months after being gone 10 months was not enough. For himself, me or the kids

Before kids, four month deployments or TDY's were a piece of cake. He would leave and while I missed him I had work and our friends to keep us busy. When he would get home everything would be as he left it(well almost, since I always liked to redecorate while he was away) and he adjusted back into our normal everyday life quickly and as if he had never been gone

Now though it's another matter. 4 months to a kid is momentous. IN 4 months a 6 mth old can go from a barely sitting up baby to a crawling, babbling 10mth old. In four months a just turned 2 year old can go from starting to string words together to form sentences to talking non-stop. 4 months may not seem like a long amount of time but when you think about it it really is

The other night as the hubby and I were texting each other he told me that he missed laying in bed with me. I jokingly replied that I have another bed hog, snoring machine taking his place. AKA Gianna since she sleeps with me ever since he left. When he asked for a picture I quickly snapped this pic to send to him

As I hit the send button I stopped to look at that picture. And my breath caught in my throat. For I realized that my little girl is getting so big. I heard the bing of an incoming text and looked to see that the hubby had thought the same thing. His reply of she's getting so big and it breaks my heart that I'm not around to see G and E growing up

I rushed to reassure him and tell him that he would have plenty of time to make up for him being gone but the reality of our situation struck me. These are moments that he will never be a part of, nor that we will be able to get back. He missed Ethan's first steps, his first birthday party, his first trip to the pumpkin patch and he will miss trick or treating for the 2nd year in the row

And apart from all the big things he is missing out on, it's the little things that really matter the most. He doesn't know that Gianna has to pick out her own pajamas or she will throw a fit. He doesn't know which disney princess is her favorite or which movie is played on repeat(it changes weekly) He doesn't know that Gianna now knows all her letters and colors. He doesn't know that she has to sleep with a body part touching you at all times and when she wakes up in the middle of the night she always asks for a blanket. He doesn't know which ipad game is her favorite or how well she can use my ipad for that matter. He isn't here to see her engage in creative play or to hear her talk to her babies and figurines as if they are real. He doesn't know that she talks in her sleep, hates using the potty,or the fact that she can actually carry on a conversation with you. Of course I tell him all these things but that can never replace what he is missing out on

And Ethan, M has missed E's first 6 months of life and the last of his babyhood. When he comes home in the middle of December he will be coming home to a full blown toddler. Not the 10mth old baby he left behind. He has missed it all. He won't hear his first word see how he changes day by day slowly leaving babyhood behind

Thinking about all of this breaks my heart. I feel for my husband and my children. But one of the most important things that this military lifestyle teaches you is that when you are together you need to make every moment count. That is something we intend on doing, especially this year during the Christmas season when the husband comes home. For although he may be away alot we can still create memories and traditions when he is home. Memories and traditions that can be carried out even during the times he is away as well.

We miss you babe. Counting down the days until you are home