We are finally here at what will be our new home for the next few years. Although the hubs is in the army, his unit is stationed at an air force base. Lots of new lingo to learn. Base Vs post, bx instead of px. But from what I've seen so far of the base, I like it!
Before we left on Monday I had my final Drs appointment at Ft Bragg. And wouldn't you know I had the nicest nurse and dr yet. Almost made me regret to leave! I learned that I missed failing the glucose test by 2 points. So now I'm trying to watch my carb and sugar intake. And when they measured my fundal height baby girl is measuring at 29 weeks instead of 27. What that means I'm not so sure! Either she will be one big baby or she will arrive earlier than expected.
Tuesday morning we arrived in Florida and pulled up to our new house. We worked out a deal with the sellers where we would fix all the repairs that technically they are responsible for if we didn't have to pay the security deposit. They agreed.
So within the next week we have will have people installing new carpet, we will be painting all the walls since the walls currently are lovely shades of peach, orange and plum, and finishing unpacking.
Yesterday we went to the base to switch tricare regions and then I went straight up to ob to drop off my records. I was very nervous about being seen somewhere new. But wow what a difference from the staff here compared to Bragg. The receptionist treated me like a person and even had me meet with a nurse even though my official appointment isn't for another two weeks. And she was awesome. I feel very calm about making the switch so late in my pregnancy!
And while everything with baby girl is going great and the hubs and I are enjoying having our own home my heart is heavy
On wednesday morning my dad texted me and told me to call my grandma. My mom had spent the night by her the previous night because she had the flu. Ever since my grandpa died my grandma has lived alone in one of those senior living centers. It's not a nursing home and although she needs a lot of care she refused to live with my parents or my aunt or living in a nursing home. So they have nurses that come in to give her some care but it's not enough.
My poor grandma has been in stage four of congestive heart failure since October. We thought that was the end but somehow she got better. I didnt think anything of her having the flu. I just saw her for my shower a few weeks ago and talked to her on Easter which was the day after her birthday. She was her normal self and in good spirits. So I was shocked and upset when I called my mom wednesday morning to learn that grandma couldn't get out of bed and they believed she was in total body failure and was in so much pain.
I tried talking to her but she was barely coherent. It was then I lost it. I felt guilty for not being there and sad I've lived so far away these past few years. Growing up her and my gramps were a huge part of my life.
It has been heartbreaking talking to my mom who has been staying there trying to mange her pain. She says grandma keeps calling out to Jesus to help her.
Yesterday she was transferred to a hospice. She has a do not resuscitate order so a hospital wouldn't do much good. They are going to try and get her pain under control with the possibility of sending her back home where she wishes to spend her last few days. The prognosis is probably the weekend.
I've been trying to stay positive but I'll be unpacking boxes and burst into tears or just start crying in the middle of the grocery store
Yesterday I wrote on Facebook about how it was hard to stay happy when I knew grandma was laying in a hospice bed and how I wished I was home to be with her
One of M's relatives commented saying prayers, but you should be glad your grandma is still alive. I lost it. I started crying and yelling and when M saw the comment he was very upset. I couldn't believe someone would write that. Obviously I am beyond thankful she is still alive but it's hard to hear how much pain she is in and to not be there to spend time with her. I was so upset I commented back which is very unlike me and I asked how not being there with her was hard and I didn't know what was positive about her being on a hospice which is what she never wanted. This person wrote back saying her grandma does when she was 23 so at least I had time with mine. I'm 27. Four years isn't that much of a difference. And again I don't even understand the point of her comments. To me they were insensitive and hurtful. No matter how old you are or how much time you spend with someone you never want to lose that person. And M's relatives still post about missing their grandma who passed in 2002 so I don't understand why it's not ok for m'e to post about wishing I was there with my grandma. To m'e it was just a hurtful comment and I'm so thankful my mom didnt see it because she would have lost it.
So now with grandma things are wait and see. I call constantly for updates and while I pray for a miracle I also pray that in the end she is in no pain.
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