Now on to something personal. Right before the husband deployed, a week before to be exact I was supposed to start a new form of birth control. The nuva ring to be exact. All my friends warned me that it was hard to put in at first and many needed the help of their hubby's. SO instead of trying the ring I decided to just go off birth control during the deployment. Just in case I had problems getting the ring in or out. I would have been mortified if I wouldn't have been able to do so. It's not like I could call a friend to come help me put it in and I couldn't imagine how embarassed I would be if I went to the Dr and explained I needed her to take the ring out for me
Anyway during the middle of the deployment M and I decided to start to try for a family once he got back. However in the last few weeks I had decided that I wanted to wait. I don't know why. I'm more or less just afraid of pregnancy and delivery and all that can go wrong. I am ready for kids and I know M is too. I just wanted to wait.
My monthly friend was due 5 days ago. It had not appeared this morning. As someone who charts and is always regular I was concerned. I highly doubted I was pregnant especially since the hubby had just come home last week. But then the hypochondriac in me kicked in and I started convincing myself I was one of those freaks of nature that get pregnant a few days before her friend is set to begin. My mom convinced me it was due to stress but I don't by that. Since the hubby has come home I've been the least stressed in a long time. So then I started worrying about why I wasn't getting in. I also wasn't sure if now that all traces of my birth contril were outta my system my cycle was starting to change.
The hubby was thrilled. He wants a kid so bad and I think was secretly upset when I changed me mind. Today he was telling the dogs that in 9 months they would have a baby brother or sister. You know men, they pay no attention to the exact way or time a woman can get pregnant. But they way he talked about it was so cute.
I on the other hand was petrified. I wasn't ready, I'm afraid to get pregnant, there's no turning back. So this morning off I went to target to buy a pregnancy test, I rushed home to pee on a stick and anxiously waited keeping my fingers crossed that it said not pregnant. When the not pregnant sign appeared instead of being happy I burst into tears. Who would have thought that deep down I was hoping it would say yes. I swallowed up my disappointment and threw away the test.
A short time later my friend appeared. How random is that. I think that this is God's way of showing me that we are ready. I picked up my phone, texted my hubby and said Ok, I'm ready. His response, Be serious. I replied that I was. I could feel his excitement through the phone. So once again we have decided to start for our family
Was anyone as indecisive as me? I swear I change my mind daily!!!
Yay you will have a beautiful family!!
ReplyDeleteYay, how exciting for you both. Also, I think it is one of Murphy's lesser known laws that within hours of peeing on a stick in a panic, your "special friend" will appear!
ReplyDeleteIm indecisive and scared .. as well .. But you and him will be great parents .. you guys are ready .. :)
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh...that is so exciting! :) What a fun time in your lives!
ReplyDeleteYou are too cute! We both just know we're not quite ready yet, and want to travel and enjoy being married a little longer:-)
ReplyDeleteHow exciting for you guys!!!
P.S. the ring is super easy to put in and take out just future fyi I love it!!!
Yes! I was very indecisive for the last couple of months leading up to when we finally made the decision. But then, just like you, I JUST KNEW.. immediately. That doesn't mean all of my apprehension went away though. That's important to know. Throughout this whole pregnancy, I've been a roller coaster between "what the hell did we get ourselves into" and "I cannot wait to have this baby and become a mom"
ReplyDeleteCongratulations and enjoy every moment!
Considering that we talk about this topic on an almost daily basis - I'm pretty sure you know my sentiment. I'm just glad you're finally ready!!! :)
ReplyDeleteaww this made me all teary - I remember my first disappointing (but I'm not ready) "not pregnant". Congratulations on deciding to start trying - that is one of the hardest parts ,the rest comes naturally.
ReplyDeleteHow exciting! We've had lots of scares, but it would be extremely rare for me to get pregnant with the type of BC that I have. But I've been there. I was relieved, but also so disappointed. Best of luck to you!
ReplyDeleteI was the same way... one day I wanted a baby, the next I didnt. I was on birth control (the NuvaRing!!!) but I was late and took a test.. it was negative. And the same thing happenned to me. I went into our bedroom and cried my eyes out... So we decided I wouldn't put in another ring and give it a go. Two cycles later I was pregnant :)
ReplyDeleteGood luck hun!
xx
Same thing happened here. Was so scared and didn't want to be pregnant and when it was negative I cried. Crazy how our emotions change so fast lol. Congrats!
ReplyDeleteI have the Ring and never had an issue with putting it in or taking it out.
ReplyDeleteBut so excited for the new addition to your family! Congrats.
I went back and forth too while TTC And I had periods of panic during pregnancy. But the second I held my boy I knew it was so very right and I looked forward to everything to come.
ReplyDeleteCongrats. I hope he gets you on the first try!
I've had the same exact thing happen to me...Literally hours after taking the test my dear ol' Auntie showed up!
ReplyDeleteCongrats on deciding to start your family! I don't think anyone is ever sure that its the "right" time, but if you think it is, its normal to have some doubts too, Lord knows I did!
YES!!! Every day...make that every hour I feel differently about having a baby!! You're not alone!!
ReplyDeleteFor a year before we decided officially get pregnant, I was so back and forth about it. I almost wanted to get pregnant by accident, so the decision would be about of my hands. I know that sounds crazy. But it is such a big decision!
ReplyDeleteWe talk about it every single day. He is all gung ho ready and I can't make my mind up at all! I know I can do it, but the thought of getting pregnant scares the living hell out of me. I'm not sure I want to take on all that responsibility yet!
ReplyDeleteI've heard that a lot from friends who have had scares like that.
ReplyDeleteBTW-- the Ring is SUPER easy to put in and use. I've never had an issue, and P told me he noticed it maybe once or twice, but since then hasn't paid any attention to it.
Yay! So exciting!! Babies are so much fun!
ReplyDeleteIt's a huge decision, and I don't blame you for going back and forth!! It's a life changer, that's for sure. It sounds like your hubs is definitely ready as well, so I'm sure you will both be wonderful parents when the time comes.
ReplyDeletexo
lacey
Dear Katie, I can relate to what you shared in your post. I used to say I'd never, and I was afraid of being pregnant also. Then last December, I felt a shift in me, a possibility. We decided to be open to it, and then I was so disappointed when I thought I was twice, and then it wasn't. I think I just said to myself (emotionally) I don't want this anymore because I didn't want to feel so vulnerable and then not be. I do feel with you in that first fear, and then emptiness feeling. All the best as you align with your heart's secret desires for both of you! hugs,.. p.s. I am still open to the idea myself, but it would be destiny sparks if it wants to be. Meanwhile, I am looking forward to my other dream of adoption in a few years ;) I can see both complimenting one another!! xx
ReplyDeleteHey! I've been following your blog for a while now and gave you a blog award today. Check it out! http://camoandpeacesigns.blogspot.com/
ReplyDeleteAnd as far as this blog goes, I'm the same way. I'm wishy washy about when I want it to happen. We know we want to have kids, but that decisive moment hasn't happened yet for us. :)
Currently my husband and I don't plan on having kids but when I had a pregnancy scare about a year ago I admit I was disappointed that it was negative. You have to go at the pace that works for you. If you feel your ready I wish you the best of luck!!!
ReplyDelete