My newest reality Tv obsession is this show...
As I have been watching this show I can't help but relate. For those of you that haven't seen this show it's basically about Kevin Jonas and his wife and their first years of marriage adjusting to married life. Whether it's baby talk, issues with the family or being separated while he goes on tour they have it all covered. What I love about this show is that it shows a grounded couple, one not corrupted by fame and their close knit families. I couldn't help but relate to the over bearing father(mine) or the the in-law's who make passive aggressive comments that you can't help but take as personal. After watching the latest episode I had to call up the hubby and tell him all about it and it got me thinking about when we were first married and about how our family has changed throughout these past 4.5 years. I could relate to the struggles this couple is going through as they navigate both their relationship and their relationship with their families. I could especially relate to being torn between siding with your family or supporting your spouse.
M and I didn't date long before getting married. And our dating relationship was a long distance one. Because of that we didn't get a chance to get to know, or really get close to the others family. And after we were married the hubs deployed. When he returned I moved away from our families to Nc where we were lucky if we saw our families once a year. Again that didn't give us much chance to get really close over these past few years. Now I'm not saying I don't like my in-laws. Or that the hubs doesn't get along with my parents. Not at all. I love my in-laws and am really close with my parent's. So mom's if your reading this, don't get into a huff over nothing
What I am saying is this. Since we didn't have long to build up a relationship with each others parents in the beginning of our marriage this led to a lot of conflict. For example, every time my dad comes to visit he's always fixing things, or doing things around the house. This aggravates the husband to no end. He feels emasculated and like my dad is trying to take over, or that my dad is silently accusing him of not doing enough to take care of me. I of course am so used to my dad being how he is that I would stick up for my dad and brush off my husband's feelings.
On my end I would hear things his parents would say either to the hubs or in phone conversations and feel like they were passive aggressively making snide comments. Of course the hubs would then brush me aside and say I was exaggerating. So as you can imagine discussions like that ended in a cross roads and were never solved.
However as time has passed we have gotten to know how both set of parent's are and we have a greater appreciation and understanding both for each other and for our respective parent's and inlaws. We also realized that at some point your family becomes more and more about you and your spouse and kids and less and less about your parent's. And that's just how it is. That doesn't mean you cut off your parent's from your life or have nothing to do with them. It just means that you put your spouse and kids first and your parent's second.
I know that now with the kids in our lives we will be forced to make this distinction more and more. Before M left this summer for his class he suggested going home to Wi for Xmas this year and if not then, then during his leave over the summer. I said we would have to see. I explained to him that after being gone for over 9 month's our priority should be the kids. M will only be able to spend the weekend of baby boy's birth at home, and then another 2.5 weeks with us before deploying. I feel his leave should be spent as a family of four. Not with four sets of people juggling for our time and attention back in Wi. The hubs did not agree. Until yesterday that is when Gianna had her freak out after his leaving. He's still torn up about how she cried and cried when he walked out the door. I think he finally realized what it's like to be the ones left back home. And it killed him. So today when talking we agreed that his leave is best spent taking a family vacation as a family of four. One where we can all reconnect, adjust to him being home and letting the kids familiarize with their daddy after several long months apart. That is what has to be number 1 on our list of priorities. Funny how things change
Since this post is longer than I expected I will continue on with what else I learned from this show in relation to our family in Part 2 tomm! Thanks for reading my rambling