Being a part of a military family I know this is a question I will hear a lot in my future. I also know that it will be awhile before Gianna will fully comprehend where her daddy is. Whether he's away for training, a class, deployment preparation or an actual deployment all she will really understand is that he is gone. And that makes me sad
From the moment she was 10 days old he has been working like crazy. For these past 3 months the only time he is really home is the weekends. We try to cram as much family time in on those weekends as much as possible but it's still hard including daddy in our daily routine when he is gone most days. I know this has to be really frustrating for him.
WE already know that he will miss most of her second year due to a long deployment. That's why this year we planned to make every holiday and time spent together really important. We want traditions to start now. Take Halloween, we have Saturday the 29th planned down to the minute. We are going all out and couldn't be more excited about Gianna's first Halloween
Then today I got the bomb dropped on me.As he was getting ready to leave for yet another week he told me he'd be gone the last week of October and then for a part of November. (No I am not going against OPSEC) he is not deploying or going to some secretive training. He will just be gone for a few weeks doing work related things. This means that he will miss her first Halloween. I am devastated. He's already missed so much and now Halloween. And part of me is mad. Mad that he's always gone and mad that's he's missing so much. Before it never seemed to matter when he left. Sure I never wanted him to leave but I just dealt with it and went about my everyday routine. Now it's different. It's hard not to take him being gone so personal. I know he can't help it but knowing that he is hardly home to spend time with his first child breaks my heart. And I know that it won't get easier from here on out. It will get harder. Right now she doesn't really know that he is gone a lot. She won't look back and remember that he was working on her first Halloween. But later, as she gets older she will. The questions will come and how am I going to deal with that. What exactly do you tell a child so that they understand?
Some day's I hate the army. I know they can't postpone training or deployment just so that their soldier's are home for every first or important event in their life and it makes me feel bad for those that sacrifice so much. They are missing out too.
Even with him gone I know that for her sake I need to stay strong and still make a big deal about everything in her life. So even if it means I will be carving pumpkins by myself and pushing her in a stroller around the block during trick or treating I will take as many pics as possible and be there for her. Maybe when Daddy get's back we can have our own Halloween celebration. Regardless if it is the middle of November or not. Today though I am going to shed a few tears and have a few glasses of wine before putting on my big girl panties and sucking it up.