Thursday, January 14, 2010

Survival Mode

After my hubby told me he was going to deploy in two weeks, I was sad at first and then started to prepare myself for his upcoming deployment. Facing a deployment is like going through the stages of grief. Anger, sadness, denial and a whole assortment of other feelings all rush up at once. After I got used to the idea that he was deploying I told myself that it was time to pull up my big girl panties and move on. What I did was shut myself off to my hubby completely. After coming home from work everyday this week I kept myself as busy as possible. I cooked, cleaned and did whatever else there was that needed to be done, everything that is but spend time with my hubby. After I was done with all that, I would lose myself in a book. Everything M said or did annoyed me and I wanted to be left alone. When I was alone however all I did was cry. Driving to work was the worst because every time I heard a song that reminded me of M I would lose it. All I pictured in my head was the moment when I would have to drop M off at the airport and say goodbye. I hate goodbye's.
At night, laying in bed I would turn away from M when I should have been cuddling with him as much as possible. I also used every excuse to get mad at M. Somehow I assumed he should know how I was feeling even though I had been cold and distant all week. Finally, M told me that I needed to stop pushing him away and enjoy these next two weeks.
Just when I finally started doing that we got the news he may not be deploying. You would expect me to have been jumping for job but instead I was mad. After preparing myself emotionally and mentally I had adjusted to the fact that M was leaving. Now he was staying. Talk about a play of emotions. M is upset to. They keep giving him the run around and he just wants to know what is going on. In a way he is upset he is not deploying. I don't blame him. I can understand his emotions too. I am not getting my hopes up yet that he is staying here for sure but only time will tell. Sometimes that army drives me crazy!!

On another note, I forgot to pass on the Glamorous Blog award to a fellow blogger.

I present this award to Hailey at Destined for Royalty. Her blog is awesome so be sure to check it out. The rules for this award are as follows


Thank the person who gave it to you.
Link the person who gave it to you.
Keep it going and give it to whomever you would like.
Answer this...If money were not an issue what would be the top three things on your wish list?

I will keep taking people's questions until Monday and will be answering them by next week tuesday or wednesday so continue to ask away

Also remember tomorrow I am having a guest blogger. Amber is one of my absolute favorite bloggers to read. She is honest, down to earth and a truly sweet person. I look forward to what she has to say in her blogs and am honored she is going to write a post for my blog so stop by tomorrow and check it out

Hope everyone is having a great night!


  1. Thanks sweet girl for your comment! My heart aches for you as you wade through the emotions of your husband being deployed and then the possibility that he may not. My cousin is in the marines and he has a similar run around-in the end he has recently been sent to Afghanistan- he just arrived last week. Your husband, my cousin, and these men and women who sacrifice so much to fight for us are so BRAVE and HEROIC. Hang in there girl... may God bless you and your man as you walk through this!

  2. I totally know what you're saying about getting mad when your husband found out he might not be deploying. When P's deployment date got moved up initially, we bent over backwards (and I spent almost $200 changing plane tickets) to change our plans. And then a week before, they pushed the date back to the original date. I had to beg my managers to let me trade shifts, and then re-prepare to be separated from him. And I got mad. We were with our respective families when we got the news, and I blogged about it from my phone ( I was so upset.

    But I hope that the army figures itself out soon (haha...right?) and you have answers. In the meantime, go cuddle with your husband and enjoy the feeling of being wrapped up in his arms. I'll be (slightly) jealous and happy for you at the same time. :)

  3. Oh the ups and downs are so hard for me too. I understand why you would feel the way you would too. You were prepared for the deployment and then things change. Yet you don't know for sure what will happen. Hopefully things will get sorted out soon.

  4. That exact same thing happened to me and hubby before he deployed this time. I was so irritated with him and pissed off and so sad all at the same time... it's such a rollercoaster! The Army does a spectacular job of jerking us around, don't they?

  5. I totally understand where your comming from like my husband was suppose to go to Boot Camp in Nov but then they were like no we have to wait till March UGH! I know I'm new comming into this whole Army wife thing and I'm trying to stay positive about everything I just hate it when everyone around me is like 'you know he going to get shipped off over seas when he finishes his schooling right!' I'm like and if he does that's for me to worry about I hate that everyones keeps bringing that up seriously I wish they would just keep it to themselves.

    But on a better note keep your head up everything will work out just fine!


  6. I always fight with the boy before he heads out.

  7. I think in our silly girl minds, it's easier to get mad and push away then to deal with the real issue at hand (you know.. crying, feeling like our hearts are being ripped out and just plain dealing with reality). We always come around though. Sorry you are having to go back and forth with "he's leaving", "oh no, he's not leaving now". That has to be hell on said emotions. It will all pan out in time. Try and keep a smile on that lovely face!

  8. I'm sorry that this is such and up and down emotional time for you. I always think that the build up before deployments is the worst part. Hopefully you will know either way if he is going so at least you can make plans and get on with your life!

  9. Oh I'm sorry for you being on this rollercoaster right now..I hope it all works out and you get some answers soon. For now though, smile and go hug and kiss your husband!

  10. Katie, this is so true what you shared in the grief stages. I agree here, and it is actually a normal reaction you're having despite the chaos feeling of it all. I'm sorry to hear that you have to go through the uncertainty to know if he is coming or going, it does play with the emotions. Sending you soft blessings to you and yours! and Xtra strength for your heart as you find your stable ground. Have you tried journaling? I know its not for everyone, but I find it really helps me to release how I feel without having it judged or picked a part at all. It helps the release. just a thought,.. ((hugs)) luv Jenn

  11. I feel you here girl! My fiance is deployed right now and it was a zoo right before he left. The military loves to leave us hanging. The day that he left changed like 4 times right up until the day he actually left. So we had to prepare ourselves to say goodbye and then found out he was staying an extra day and then we said goodbye and found out he was staying two extra days. So frustrating! Stay strong. It helps them so much to see us strong and held together.