Friday, January 15, 2010

Guest Blogger-Amber!!

The day has finally come. During the week I told you all that I would be having a guest blogger. Amber from the Survival Guide of the Young, Fabulous and Newlywed is writing today's post on my blog. Since my link tab isn't working her website is Be sure to check it out. She is an amazing write, one of my favorite blogger friends and has am awesome blog. This post is one I think you all will like. Amber is candid, honest and open and I love her for that. So enjoy!!!

Hello to Katie’s readers! I asked Katie last week if she would do a guest post on my blog today and she returned the favor by asking me to do the same.

As I thought about what to write, I wondered what Katie’s readers might be interested in. After looking over Katie’s followers, I realize that many of you are army/navy/marine wives. I love reading blogs of the wives of military men. Both of my grandfathers, an uncle and now my brother have served in a branch of the armed forces – so I have experienced first hand the toll deployments and time away from loved ones can take on a family.

I read your postings about how much you miss your husbands, how stressful managing a home without your partner can be, how nervous your are for an upcoming deployment, etc. and I think about how easily my life could have been just like yours. You see Steven, my hubby, wanted to join the Marines 3 months before we were married. The company joined right out of college experienced a huge downsize, and as he was one of the most recent hires – he was the first to let go. After a few days of researching his employment options, he approached me about his desire to serve his country. He had researched how to become and officer and the details concerning boot camp and deployments. He wanted to talk with a recruiter about seriously joining and wanted my opinion.

To say that I didn’t exactly handle the situation well would be an understatement. I pitched a fit! I told him that if he joined, I would call off the engagement. We were getting married in 3 months! We had just graduated from college! I loved Charlotte. I loved the friends we had in Charlotte. I loved my job. I did not even want to think about the possibility of moving – especially if that meant my soon-to-be husband would be joining the military and leaving me for months on end.

Steven handled my fit with an astonishing amount of grace. He understood my concerns and promised never to mention it again. He soon took a sales job with my company and we moved ahead with our wedding plans.

Looking back on the situation, I wish I could back in time and strangle my 22-year-old self. How selfish was I? What – it’s okay for other women’s fiancés and husbands to risk their lives – just not mine?? I claim to be patriotic but I wasn’t willing to sacrifice my own wishes for the betterment of our country? My happiness was ultimately more important than Steven’s desire to heed a calling in his life. I forced him to stay where I wanted him to and I can honestly say it is the only regret I have in my 25 years on this earth. Not a day goes by that I don’t wish I had agreed and supported him . It’s so hard to realize how truly self centered I was - I am getting emotional right now just writing these words. He has never mentioned a word of it. I know he would never hold it over my head or make me feel bad about it. I have since apologized profusely for my childish demands. I have made it more than apparent that if he still wants to join, I will quit my job and follow him anywhere. And I truly mean it. I would sell our home, quit my job, leave our friends and family and follow him wherever the service might take him – just as long as he felt fulfilled in his work. I am so ashamed of how I acted back then and if I could, I would take it back in an instant. But for better or worse – this is our life now and we are still happy. But I know that Steven will always feel like he let himself down somehow – and that breaks my heart.

So I read your blogs about upcoming deployments, time away from your men, days with no word from them and ultimately your prayers that they are safe – and I am moved by your ability to keep your head up. Thank-you so much for the sacrifice you have made to be a military wife. I have said it before on my blog, but I really do think that the families of our troops deserve just as much praise and thanks as the troops themselves.

I have such admiration for a military wife. I admire her courage – her ability to stand on her own and love her husband even though they may be thousands of miles away. I admire her faith – her ability to believe that everything will be okay despite staggering odds. I admire her strength – her ability to forge ahead with day-to-day life and accomplish goals and dreams of her own – mothers who raise children as if they were a single parent – new brides who create a home for a husband who will not be home for months on end.

Thank you again to all the military wives who may be reading this. Please know that there is someone out there who prays for you and your family daily and is ever so grateful for the sacrifice and commitment you have made.


  1. Yay for Guest Post Friday! Thank you so much for letting me share. Have a great day girl!

  2. Aww, good post Amber!

    When I met my hubby, he was in the DEP program and was set to leave for bootcamp after he graduated high school. Honestly, at the time I did not realize AT ALL what I was signing up for. At all, really! He actually tried to break up with me once because he didn't want to put me through it. Of course, I told him he was crazy and I could handle it.

    It has not been easy, let me tell you. It's been almost seven years since he first left for bootcamp and we have been through SO MUCH, i'm pretty sure if I didn't color my hair so much, I might find a few grays and i'm only 22!

    Anyways, I didn't realize what I was signing up for because unlike you, I didn't know anyone in the military or have any idea of what I was likely to deal with. But I couldn't be more happy with how things have turned out. Every time I see Hubby in his uniforms, even just his camis, my heart swells with pride. I love being a Marine wife... :)


  3. Well I must say that my daughter makes me proud! Good job Amber. And I remember you saying you would never marry somebody in the military or ministry, you wanted to be a homebody. As you know I have always said, home is where my furniture, husband and kids are. Mama always called us her gypsies because of how much we moved. I don't regret it at all. God has always put us in the right places with the right people, after all if we had not moved to Charlotte, you might not have married Steven, and I think I might like for you to keep him..
    I have always tried to raise my kids to know that our military is something to be proud of. They serve our country and keep us protected. They are always in my prayers.
    I am very excited about getting my phone call so I can hear, "I am a Sailor". I will be very proud to say I am a Navy Mom!

  4. Thank you Amber and Katie;
    very good post here! I think Amber you put a very good twist on the military story and a very important one! It can be so scary! I still remember when I lived back home and when I was falling in love with my LUV in another country and then the question came: he wanted to join! I knew "nothing" then about what would come, but I did know that I couldn't walk away from something so Real -- and we hadn't even met yet! crazy huh?! But, even after years of serving have past, I know that the day may come again soon where that question comes back,.. but even then I know that True Love continues to guide us all. Your courage expressed here and your heart of love is beautiful and I'm sure your sweetie is so blessed by seeing you shine in these ways, making it all worthwhile even for not joining! ;) Consider this: You did the best that you could at the time for 'right then', just as you are shining forth 'right now' so well! Your heart has expanded beautifully! Thanks again for sharing, luv Jenn

  5. Amber, I'm so with you on that! I just left you a comment saying the same thing in short on your blog where Katie posted.

    Again I will always have so much respect for those in the military, their spouses and families. I can see where you are coming from thinking about not wanting your husband to go. Please don't beat yourself up over it girly. We all make decisions that we need to live with, so just look to the future. As long as you and your hubby are happy that's what's important.

    Katie thanks so much for doing the post swap. I can't wait to read more from you both. Have a wonderful day!

  6. Hey Amber don't forget the Air Force! =]
    I know how you felt having your significant other want to join the military. In high school I dated a guy I few years older than I and when he graduated he said he was thinking of joining a military branch. At the time we thought we'd be together forever and I told him in no uncertain terms that I would NOT stand for that and would cease to be his girlfriend otherwise.
    Fast forward 6 years later and I'm a military wife. Just goes to show how much the passing of time and growing up can have on a person. Don't beat yourself up too much- you've told him that you made a mistake and gave him the go ahead, now its up to him. Don't regret what can't be changed, just know that you learned from it and that's what is most important of all.

  7. Wow, i just found your blog and am amazed at the maturity of your guest blogger. I think I would have responded the same way. It's tough to let go of a life you are so used to. Thanks for sharing for so many to read!

  8. This is a great post Amber, thanks for sharing!
    Please do not feel bad for the reaction you had years ago. I promise, those of us who were already married when our husbands decided to join, I promise we didn't jump for joy at first. I know I didn't. My husband and I dated for 4 years before he proposed. He came from a Military family and always toyed around with the idea of joining, but never too seriously. He would bring it up do me and I would shoot him right down, letting him know I would not stick around for that. I love my family more than is probably normal and could not imagine my life away from them.
    Like you, years later, I FINALLY realized how selfish I was being. Who was I to put a stop to my best friend's dreams? Especially when that person was WILLING to give up that dream for me! He was settling for jobs he was miserable at to keep me happy and I just couldn't watch it anymore. We had the same conversation it sounds like you had (I apologized and told him I would support him and follow him anywhere), but that's where our stories differ. LOL... he started the process within the same week, I believe!
    Long story short - please don't beat yourself up. It's not an easy thing to handle and your young self was not ready for that. Hey - at least you were honest with him right? You've since have tried to correct it and that is all you can do. At least he now knows that the option is there.
    And THANK YOU for your kind words and prayers. They are appreciated more than you know :)