Monday, September 9, 2013

Mother's and Daughters

From the moment I first found out I was pregnant with Gianna I hoped and prayed for a girl. And at 17 weeks when the ultrasound confirmed that I was indeed having a girl I practically jumped for joy. I envisioned so many moments and memories with this little girl of mine. Tea parties, dance recitals, mani and pedi's, days spent shopping, girl talk, and many more.

And after she was born I couldn't imagine life getting any better. Gianna was a sweet baby from day one. She loved to be held and cuddled. I indulged every second of it and secretly loved when Gianna preferred myself over the hubby. Even after he came home from this past deployment I grinned every time she chose laying with me over him

And then one day out of the blue things changed. Gianna started asking for daddy all the time, choosing him over me and preferring to be with the hubs over myself. I'm not going to lie I was devastated. Every time she asked for him over me, or broke away from me to go lay with him it felt like I had been punched right in the gut. I'd look at them, cuddled together and have to blink back tears. ( I know, I know. how dramatic of me) But it felt like rejection. It was hard not to take personally. I'd sit and rack my brain and wander what I did. What was wrong. Was our relationship changed from here on out. Would it always be like this, her preferring the hubs over me. And was this a glimpse of what the teenage years would bring. Endless rounds of battling it out, her thinking I was always wrong, uncool and annoying(Sorry mom for doing that to you) and running to her dad for comfort.

Even since the hubs left last week she is still on daddy mode. And when asked for a hug or kiss I more thna likely to be met with a no than what I asked for. I also know that for the next few years at least, every time the husband leaves I will be her punching bag so to speak. I realize that right now she is acting out and taking everything out on me because she is too little to fully understand what is going on. All she knows is that daddy is gone. And this go round she is struggling to deal with it and figure it out. So what is a toddler to do but act out, be defiant and take it all out on mommy.

These last few days I have struggled. I have taken it personally, cried, worried, stressed and wandered what I was going to do to fix it. And then I happened to be browsing on Pinterest(shocker) and came across this

This couldn't be more true. At the end of the day Gianna is her own person and always will be. If I took every action, thought or saying she had personally I'd be holed up in my bedroom bawling my eyes out. It is not about me. It is about her. It is just my job to be the best mother that I can be. What she does with what I teach her is on her. I just have to hope I taught her right. And I can't take the things she does or say personally. She is after all her own person and is allowed to have her own opinions, ideas and ways to express them

As a mom it is sometimes hard not to react personally. Especially because we know that our time with our children is so fleeting. Every step they take, word they speak and year that passes by brings us one year closer to their adulthood. I know my mom still looks at me like I'm her baby and I can only imagine that I will do the same when Gianna is a 29 year old mother of 2.

In order to ensure that Gianna and I have a good, open mother daughter relationship I do always need to remember that it is not always about me. I can't be offended every time she want's to cuddle with the husband over myself. This will be important to remember as she continues to grow up. Especially during the teenage years when all sorts of rebelling and rejecting will be going on. All I can do is be there for her, to always talk and listen when she needs me and to fill her childhood and teenage years will lifelong memories and traditions. If I started taking everything personally I am just setting myself up for a closed relationship with my daughter. And that is def not what I want

Besides, I do also know that this was true for me and will possibly be true for Gianan
As a child you always swear you will never be like your mom. You will do things differently, etc etc. I found that ever since having  children I become more and more like my mom each day

Here's to all the mother daughter relationships out there!


  1. I am the mom of an 11 year old girl, and we went through a trying time when she was about 4 or 5. I thought for sure she hated me. She'd be an angel for my husband & push every button with me. That ended quickly & we have been the best of friends. Now that she's in middle school & more "hormonal" I find that we butt heads more often. It's sometimes a daily challenge, but I know it's just her using her voice & being her own person. Seriously the hardest part of parenting, but such an amazing bond. Nice post! : )

  2. what would we do without our girls!? all my life i wanted boys... 4 to be exact. now that i have avrie, i cant picture my life AT ALL without her... my girl!