1.5 weeks In

You would think after four deployments and numerous TDY's I would get used to saying goodbye to the husband.

Coming home to an empty house would no longer phase me 

and I wouldn't tear up anytime I saw one of his coffee mugs laying on the counter where he last left it

or refuse to take in his sunglasses that he left in my car

But it never gets easier and I still do all those things

I still wander up and down the grocery store aisle, tears spilling from my eyes as I no longer have to fill my cart with his favorite snack foods and soda, or prepare his lunch every morning before he goes to work

Friday nights alone still get to me as I sit and watch disney movies and drink my glass of wine

only to wish my husband was home to argue with about watching The Real Housewives or let him play Call of Duty

I get sad thinking about everything he will miss, Ethan's 1st birthday, his first steps, first word, trick or treating, pumpkin carving, thanksgiving and all those ordinary moments that mean something so much more when you have kids

Some days I don't even leave my house, going back and forth between anger and sadness, anger that the grass needs cutting and that the husband should be here to do it and sadness that for the next 10 years our life will consist of more time apart than together

But I have to keep it together for my kids.

Watching your daughter's face when the doorbell rings, the excitement when she thinks it's daddy and the crestfallen look when I gently remind her that daddy is at work for awhile

Having her sleep in bed with you every night because she misses daddy and knowing and appreciating that at least your son is still to young and unaware that daddy is not home

But at 1.5 weeks we are hanging in there. WE have a routine established, the house is cleaner than it's ever been and cooking for 1.5 people is easy peasy. A meal lasts me four days at least

So while we miss the hubs terribly and are counting down the days until he is home, we are hanging in there. Getting through each day looking forward to every phone call and skype conversation that we are able to have

All the while trying to make him proud that we are doing it on our own. Here's to 3 more months apart. We can do it!