Hands Full

After Ethan was born, every time I ventured out with both kiddos I was always met with the same comment from people. Wow, you have your hands full. How far apart are they. I secretly relished in that. I would proudly announce 15 months apart, waiting for their gasp of shock. In some way I needed their validation. Without the husband at home to help out I wanted people to acknowledge the fact that I did have my hands full, that it was hard and that I was doing it! I was super mom.

Now that I no longer have two kids under two and my kids are older and better, things are so much easier. Grocery shopping with two is no longer as hard as it once was, doing anything with them both is no longer as hard as it once was so when I'm now met with you have your hands full I sometimes am insulted. I know when people say that they don't mean anything by it. But it still rubs me the wrong way

A few months ago I would have taken it as a compliment. And in a way it was. For it was hard after Ethan was born. Adjusting to  a newborn and a 15 month old was trying. I felt guilty at all times for not paying either kid enough attention. Recovering from a c-section was more difficult the second time around and on top of that I was struggling with crazy hormones and my husband being gone. I thought it wouldn't take long before the kids and I settled into a routine but I was wrong. It took months. Neither kid napped at the same time, Ethan was colicky, Gianna was sick all the time with ear infections and my days were spent running to urgent care, scheduling dr's appts, nursing a baby, rocking and walking with a baby who screamed all night long, sleepless night, endless days, you name it. I slacked on everything. Taking care of myself, cooking properly for Gianna and I, cleaning my house and so on and so forth.But as the months passed things got easier. Ethan got over his colic, Gianna got tubes put in, the husband came home and everything settled down.

 Ethan and Gianna sometimes napped at the same time, I slowed down on our daily activities and took the time to take care of myself. I started running, eating healthy, spending quality time with the kids, cleaning and taking care of household chores during nap time or downtime instead of pushing it off till the last second and then getting overwhelmed with it all. And I made the time for myself to read, watch tv or just rock on my front porch allowing myself a moment to breath.

It is nothing now to load up the car with two kids and run into the grocery store. A day full of errands with two is out of the question but I don't dread the bi-weekly run to Walmart the way that I once used to. Bedtime is around the same time for both kids and both are sleeping through the night. Ethan is on formula so I am not constantly nursing a baby and both kids are finally starting to play together. Our days are fun, exciting and I wouldn't trade them in for anything at all. I'm not saying everything is rainbows and sunshine. The terrible 2's are in full force and Ethan is so clingy and whiny when he is teething that it can be exhausting. There are some days where when I look at the clock I am shocked to see that it is only 10am and we've already ran errands, gone for a walk, ate breakfast and played and I can't think of another thing to do to occupy our day.

But like anything else in life I went through one phase and am onto another. Pretty soon Ethan will be 1 and I will have two toddlers running around my house! My house will probably never be clean and I will be spending my days breaking up fights between brother and sister. And I'm ok with that. So now when people comment and tell me I have my hands full, I smile and say I got this. Because I do and on days that I don't I give myself grace and tell myself that tomorrow is another day. Motherhood is a work in progress and we all keep getting better and better at it as the days go on. I would never trade this past year of my life in for anything. I have learned so much about myself, have grown in so many ways and have made so many positive changes in my life all because of my two beautiful little people. I am so blessed to be their mommy. And I love having my hands full