DISCLAIMER-This post is highly personal and brutally honest. If you are easily offended or do not care to read about my personal information then this post is not for you!!
I hesitated before writing this post. I was unsure whether or not to post about this topic.There are some people that read this blog that don't really need to know such personal details about my life and I'm sure some people who will get offended by what I write. But I started blogging as a way to keep a daily journal of my life as a wife and military spouse. So no topic is off limits to me. Here it goes
When the hubs and I were married the decision to have kids was up in the air. I knew I wanted children but wanted to wait until I was 30 before trying. M wasn't sure if he wanted any at all. However even though we were on the fence about children I loved celebrating my friend's pregnancies, babysitting their little ones and oohing and ahhing over baby clothes. When I started blogging I became addicted to infertility and pregnancy blogs, I cried along with those bloggers who lost their babies, suffered miscarriage after miscarriage or those that couldn't have children at all. However as much as I admired these womens' strength and courage I couldn't help but wander if I would go through IUI or IVF just to have a baby. Now doesn't this just make me sound terribly selfish. I swear I'm not. I just don't know if I would be strong enough to go through all that. I truly admire those women who have and are going through it. You are all amazing!
And before you write me off as selfish I'll prove to you that I'm not. I had a good friend who had problems conceiving. I watched every month as she peed on a stick hoping to see two lines instead of one. They never came. I watched as she would suffer through other friends baby showers trying so hard not to cry and when she went on vacation to an area with no internet or computer I logged into her fertility friend account and updated it with her temperature which she texted me every morning. I would then read her chart and text back if she was ovulating. I celebrated with this friend when she finally had a positive test by running out and buying her What to Expect When Your Expecting and buying a Mom to be and Dad to be card for both her and her hubby. So I do know how hard the struggle to conceive is
I didn't really know how hard it truly was until recently. In March when the hubs deployed I finished up my last pack of pills. I didn't bother buying more since hubby was going to be gone for a few months. Shortly after he deployed we agreed to start trying when he got back. I started taking prenatals and reading up on conceiving. I also started tracking my period and counting, trying to figure out when I ovulated. Even though I was off birth control I was regular for the first 3 months and had my cycle down to a T
However this past month my period was a few days off. No biggie. I adjusted and the hubs and I started trying the beginning of this month. I even have a fertility app on my phone which tracks my days and tells me when I'm most fertile and ovulating. Crazy I know
The day for my period to arrive came and went. Two days went by,then three,four and five. Nothing. I peed on four tests, all negative. Not too mention I was very sick the beginning of this week. I totally thought we nailed it on the head. However my hopes were dashed today at work. Even though I doubted getting pregnant the first month I was still disappointed. And when the tests were showing up negative by my period still wasn't there I was getting worried. How am I supposed to plan this next month if my period doesn't arrive. Or how can I continue trying to figure out days of ovulation when my period is off every month. I've been so frustrated the last week and a half.
The hubs and I also decided to only try for one more month before putting baby making on hold. Not because we are giving up but because of the army. We were set to PCS to Florida either next August or September. However we just found out that we could be moving as early as May. Plus the hubby deploys around Dec/Jan. So it would be the smartest thing to wait until after he gets back to resume trying. So one more month of Operation Babymaking and then we pull the plug
As much as this decision sucks I know it's the right thing to do. The last thing I want to do is be pregnant, trying to find us a house in florida and switching dr's halfway through a pregnancy. Not to mention the actual move itself. SO I plan on staying off BC, taking my prenatals and trying to read as much info I can on conceiving and pregnancy.
So to all of you out there, do any of you have any good book recommendations on either topic? Thanks!
Hope this wasn't information overload