Thursday, May 9, 2013

Dear Mom

Dear Mom,

I read in a book that when you are raising young kids the days may drag and time may feel like it is at a standstill. But in all reality it won't be long before your kids avoid  your hugs and kisses, slam doors in your face, swear they won't grow up to be like you and make all kinds of decision you don't agree with. And all that time you have to stand by and let them grow into the person they are meant to be. Hoping you did everything you could to enable them to handle the big bad world around them.

The thought of my kids growing up and no longer needing me, no longer being able to squeeze their little bodies against mine on the couch, no longer wanting to play pretend with me makes my heart break. For I know w it won't be long before they are leaving the nest and for awhile I know it may seem that they have left me behind.

And while my kids are off living lives of their own I will reflect on all the years I had with them and smile both with tears of sadness and joy. And then Mom I will call you and tell you I understand what you went through watching me grow up and express my deepest thanks because I know that you poured your whole heart into motherhood and you never stopped even when I started a family of my own. For I will always be your little girl and you will always be my mom. I also know that it won't be until my children have kids of their own that they will even begin to understand the amount of love I have for them

I know that the moment their hold their newborn in their arms they will be so overwhelmed with love for their child that they realize that that is how much I love them and how much you loved me before then

I know now that it's possible for the heart to feel so empty and full at the same time. Full because anything that makes your kids happy makes you happy beyond belief. Empty because some of the things that make your kids happy won't always include you. And one day those things will take them away from you

I know now that you gladly sacrificed your fashion sense, having a new car, and other material possessions so that my brother and I could participate in all the activities we wanted. I also know that your wardrobe of jeans and a Pom Mom or Soccer Mom sweatshirt was a wardrobe worn with honor. You proudly sported a sweatshirt with your kids names on it because you wanted to. I'm sorry I made fun of you for always wearing them

I appreciate all the things you and Dad skimped on to always ensure we took a family vacation once a year. All the family trips Up north, learning how to fish, roasting smores at the campfire, telling scary stories are all memories of my childhood I have never forgotten. I'm also sorry that I during my teen years I thought I was to cool for all of that stuff. In truth I wasn't. I can't wait to share those memories with my kids

I know now that even when my kids are adults I will still want whats best for them. And still want to be a part of their lives. Mom you will always be a part of mine

And I understand now that as a new grandmother and a woman in middle age that you are struggling to find out who you are. You have left motherhood behind and have a new identity that you are trying to figure out. I'm sorry for not being patient with you as you try to figure it all out. I know it seems that sometimes I close myself off to you and as I throw myself into my journey of motherhood you are wandering what your role is now. Your role is to still be my mom and the best grandma to my kids. I love you so much mom

Thanks for all you have done. I have some big shoes to fill.

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