Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Seriously!!!

Hello my fellow bloggers!
I have arrived safely in Winston Salem and am awaiting the start of my conference. Since I packed along my cute little netbook I decided what a perfect time to post!!

I had another idea planned for today's post but a facebook message I received last night made me change my mind about today's post.

So remember a few days ago I posted about how I was unable to purchase a bridesmaids dress for a friend's wedding. If not I will quick recap. My friend is getting in married in July 2011. She emailed us last week saying we needed to purchase the dress she found since it is being discontinued in two weeks. I wrote her back and said I couldnt purchase it at this time as I had just dropped a grand on a new phone, my work conference which is mandatory and money for my cousins bridesmaid dress which is this July. I also have to limit my spending as I am a 1099 employee so in about a few weeks I have to write a big fat check to uncle Sam.

Well this past Sunday she asked if I purchased the dress. I told her I did not and again told her why I was unable to do so and asked her if she could purchase it and I would pay her back in about a month or if I could wait until March to purchase it. She asked for my measurements which I figured meant she would be purchasing it for me. Well last night I get a facebook message from her which states that she didn't bother calling me since I'm always busy with work but that she is sorry that she has to cut back on her wedding party and has one too many girls in her wedding. She then states she feels bad for doing so but she should have figured out how many people they needed to stand up before asking. She finished the message by asking me to respond so she knows I received the message.

Now we were bff's all through out college, sorority sisters and roommates but in the past few years had lost touch a little. WE also live 1400 miles apart. I was honored to be in her wedding and even told her this past week that the only reason I couldn't get the dress at this time was because of taxes so when I received this message my feelings were hurt. Then I became angry. Why did she message me this on facebook? She couldn't have called. I called our other roommate who also was unable to afford the dress at this time and asked if she had heard from her. Nope she is still in the wedding

I then became angry and the immature side of me wanted to email her and tell her that at the age of 26 she should grow up, get a job and move out of mommy and daddy's house and that once she entered the working world and started paying rent she would see how hard it is to expect someone to pay for a dress when you only give them two weeks notice. I then also wanted to tell her that if she wanted to pay my taxes for me, all $5,000 of them then I would gladly buy the dress

But then I realized that it is best to say nothing at all. Clearly she did not want me to be a part of her wedding and was upset that I couldn't order the dress. There is no point in arguing with this girl or making the situation worse. It is her wedding and she is the bride(zilla). Just kidding. I'm sure you all can see both sides of our situation. I just wished that she would have had the decency to call or at least email me this instead of face booking me. I know that after this our friendship will probably never be the same so I am going to let it end quietly and not cause a fuss. If this girl was someone I was really close too I would have asked my parents for the $80.00 for the dress but since she wasn't I didn't feel a need to do so. Part of me thought that my friend would understand my circumstances, since if you don't pay the government they take things away!! But maybe we were both just holding on to a past friendship that ended years ago. We saw each other through the ups and down of college, relationships, moving out on our own for the first time and we shared everything together. Things changed after graduation as they always do and our friendship wasn't the same. My hubby is always telling me that I am at that awkward age. I don't have as much in common anymore with my unmarried college friends. I am a little too old to spend my nights drinking and partying with friends, not only because I am married but because I now have a career instead of a job, rent and student loans to pay instead of splitting rent with 3 girls and a husband to take care of. I am now officially an adult. I am also in the in between stage where our friends are starting to have babies. I myself am at a crossroads to pursue a master's degree or start having children. In a week I will be 26. It is hard to believe how my life has changed these past two years but I would never change it for anything.

So maybe part of me expected this message from her and was shocked when she even asked me to be in the wedding. As sad and hard as it is I will see the end of this friendship like a mature adult.

Do y'all think I should respond to her or just leave things be?
Thanks for listening to me vent

23 comments:

  1. That's really unfortunate. And, no, I don't see both sides. There were 101 ways she could have handled that better, picking up the phone being one of them. So much gets misunderstood through e-mails and maybe if she had hear how sincere you were she wouldn't have behaved so poorly.

    Enjoy the rest of your trip

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  2. i think you should message her and wish her well with the married life..and then as you said just let it die slowly..if she was a true friend, she would have understood your predicament..and at least had the decency to let you know about her wedding problems through a phone call not facebook. and it was rude of her to say "because you are always busy with work"...you obviously grew up in those years apart and she hasnt. loves you katie<3

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  3. OMG! That is absolutely insane! That is unbelievable rude! I don't even know her or you yet I am fuming as I sit here. I am sorry you had to deal with that. And just like Sara above me said, no I don't see both sides at all. That was rude and inconsiderate.

    I also agree with you about being in an weird age. I am only 23 but am married, have a career, a house, bills, taxes, etc where all my friends are still in school and mommy and daddy pay for everything. Its frustrating because I want friends like I used to have, yet no one is in the same place as me!!

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  4. Well I think you have done the right thing by just Not responding although If it were me I know I let my little evil side come out every once in a while I would be like I recieved the E-Mail thank you and just let that be it.Short and simple and to the point. It's so hard to have friends like that just E-mail you on facebook I swear I just posted something about Facebook I'm really NOT liking that site..I hope her little E-Mail didn't bring you down I know its hard because she was your friend but your hubs is right you are at that awkward age and I feel that I'm there as well and I'm going to be 23 this year I feel that I'm loses everyone I once knew and grew up with but in the process I'm meeting new people and I Love it I guess that's what growing up is all about.

    Stephanie H.

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  5. I'd let it go. I'm totally an avoider. Instead of having a confrontation, 9 times out of 10, I'll ignore it. Especially if it's a stupid FB message. Just be glad you don't have to deal with everything that goes along with being in a wedding! My sister-in-law got married last month and I wasn't asked to be in her wedding party even though she was in mine. My feelings were hurt, but the truth is, I saved money and stress/drama by not being a participant. It's probably a blessing in disguise! :)

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  6. That is totally rude of her. She was just being completely selfish. I would respond to her email, but just have it say "I received your email" and leave it at that.

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  7. She did not handle that situation well, but I'd send her a message saying that you understand and wish her the best in life. If you guys are meant to be friends later on, it will work out. If not, you had some good times together, but it's time to move on. We all go through periods like this . . . it's just part of growing up.

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  8. Wow. I can't believe how rude and inconsiderate people can be! I'd be mad too, and want to be immature and email her all the bad things I could possibly think of. But, as some of the other girls have said, I think you should write her back and tell her that you understand that she had too many people and had to choose and that you did actually want to be a part of her special day. Wish her well, and go on about your business. You're right, once she gets married and has her own bills to pay, she'll realize what a crappy thing she did.

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  9. WOW! I definitely did not see this being the result of what happened last week. I really was hoping that she'd be mature about this, but I guess not. If I were in your shoes at this point I would just write a simple email saying that you were looking forward to being a part of her special day but you know the difficulties of planning a wedding (something like that) and that you wish her the best of luck in her future. And as other people have said...she will realize what she did wrong once she's married and enters the real world. But unfortunately you get into a place in life where not all of your friends understand.

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  10. I think that's incredibly rude on her part. I could never imagine treating any of my friends like that! Me being me, I would just completely ignore the message. However, should you decide to take the high road, I'd say write her back and tell her thank you for letting you know, and good luck in her married life. And I definitely would NOT plan to attend the wedding at all. But that's just me.

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  11. that was extremely rude. I personally don't like it when people send me messages like that either; she should have had a bit of a consideration for her bridesmaids since it is tax season after all. She could have chosen another dress.. I would definitely wish her well & just live your life. Once she gets married & sees what it's really all about, she'll definitely grow up alot. & I know what you mean by having nothing in common with your unmarried college friends. I'm still in college (20 & finishing my BA next year) & I don't have much things in common with my roommates (who are not married) on a social level (they are both 23).

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  12. Amen about what M says about being in this awkward stage.

    Hugs, sweetie. We only need some friends for certain stages of our lives.

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  13. Ouch. That was a really immature way for her to handle things. But I think you're right, she doesn't know what it's like and everything you said probably went right over her head and she got offended and that could be why she sent that message. I'm in that in-between stage and it's awful. None of my friends are married or have kids back home and they just don't get how things change. I would just be polite, tell her yes you got the message and that you're sorry you won't be able to be in her wedding anymore but that you understand. Take the high road because friends like this are only going to try to cause drama and you'll both end up hurt. It's not worth that in the end.

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  14. That's horrible. What a selfish Biotch! Sorry but hey I call it as I see it.
    I would be really hurt, upset and mad too. I'm proud of you for not blowing up and sending her a message she probably deserved. I don't think I could have stopped myself. But honestly your doing the right thing. Let yourself cool down a bit and then maybe send her something not mean necessarily but something explaining how bad this hurt you and how much it meant to you. Let her know she hurt you. You can do that without being rude. Its called being the adult. But man I could see myself being a big old baby and just tearing into that girl.

    I'm so sorry this happened to you. You don't deserve to be treated that way. And a facebook message, SERIOUSLY! Have a little more class girl. Call her atleast. She shouldn't have done that to you.
    Ok I'm done ranting. Sorry.

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  15. :-/ What a hard situation to be in... I think it really all depends on how much the friendship really means to you. While there was a LOT of wrong done by her, she might not be able to be the bigger person, ya know?

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  16. ok first of all this was NOT a facebook appropriate conversation! WTF!! I can understand if she felt uncomfortable telling you on the phone (but get over it jeez) but then send a regular direct email... NOT facebook, that is so childish!!

    And there's no "rule" about how many people can be in your bridal party, that's the dumbest lie ever!!!

    That being said, take the high road. Don't get into a fight with her. Let the friendship fizzle out... it sucks but people grow apart. Dont respond via facebook though. Send her a direct email and simply say you recieved her facebook message and are very dissapointed as you were really looking forward to being a part of her special day and you are very sorry that financially you were not able to purchase the dress with such short notice but that in no way was a reflection of your commitment to your friendship. And wish her the best in her wedding planning journey.

    KILL HER EITH KINDNESS then be done with her... hell I wouldn't even go to the wedding.

    Keep us posted! XOXO

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  17. Wow, I think my feelings would be so hurt---especially since it was over FACEBOOK????

    Aw hun, I am so sorry. Are you going to even go to the wedding???

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  18. I agree with KLC, I'd respond, not via facebook. Definitely kill her with kindness, and then leave the ball in her court.

    My feelings would be really hurt by that kind of behavior. I can't believe how childish people can be.

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  19. if she really means that much to you, then I say let her know. she really needs to know how she made you feel. And if she's unresponsive or gets upset...it's not worth it. I'm sorry it panned out like this, but you're right. Sounds like she needs some growing up!

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  20. Yikes! I can't believe she didn't even call you! I'm not sure what I would do in this situation. I think if you want to keep some sort of ties to her then you should respond to her. Wish her well and say you are still looking forward to the wedding (if you are still going). If you would rather just let it fizzle out then go that route...she obviously didn't care too much to make it work for you so why should you? I guess this would be a case for "being the bigger person" but sometimes that is just so hard! Good luck and keep us posted with what you decide to do!

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  21. Oy vey! A Facebook message...really??? I think the fact she resorted to a FB msg over a all or email speaks volumes about how much she values you and your friendship. If I were in your shoes, I would just step away. She's definitely in a different (bridal) state of mind right now. Maybe in time things will improve. I'm sorry this has happened to you :(

    And I completely agree with the crossroads @ 26. I'm there as well.

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  22. I always hate getting Facebook messages about stuff that's really serious...she owed you the courtesy to call, but since she didn't, I'd just shrug it off and move on. She was extremely immature. Have fun in Winston-Salem! My sister is a freshman at Wake Forest University and loves it there!

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  23. WOW Katie!!! I can't believe that people can be so rude...she obviously had a lot of growing up to do. I am a person who would rush to confront her and then realize that I shouldn't have. Responding to her on fb would make you just like her I would either let it go or write her an email and say you wish things would have been different but I wouldn't say you understand because it wasn't right. In the end it wasn't meant to be and now you can move on and just let the friendship go...I am still blown away by this. Take care hun!!!

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