I need advice!!
I am standing up in two weddings. One is my cousin's S's which is this summer on July 31st. The other wedding is my college roommates which is in July of 2011. I just paid for my cousin's dress and didn't think I would have to worry about the dress for my friend's wedding for at least a few months. Last time I had spoken with her she had not picked out our dresses yet
Sunday night I received an email from her stating that she found the dress she would like us to purchase. The price tag is awesome, only $80.00 but the dress is being discontinued and we need to buy it within the next two weeks!!
Ouch. Normally I wouldn't have a problem with the $80.00 but since I paid for my cousin's dress this past week and am going on a work conference this coming week, money is a little tight. TO make matter's worse tax season is upon us and this is my first year as a 1099 employee. Which means that since my paycheck's don't get taxed I will be paying out alot to the government. Since we don't know yet how much we owe, we are trying to limit our spending. It also doesn't help that our tax fund has dwindled due to the fact that in September I was in a car accident and totaled my car and that in October after having a creepy neighbor take pictures of me on his i-phone and having our apartment complex being canvased by a gang of criminals who proceeded to pull a gun out while we were taking the dogs for a walk we decided we needed to move to a safer location. So we had to pay to get out of our lease and then pay a security deposit and first months rent at our new apartments all within a few weeks. There went our tax money. WE have been building up our account again but I still cannot spend the money on her dress until we have done our taxes.
I explained this all to her in a detailed email. She hasn't called or anything until this morning when I received an email from her saying this is the only time we can get the dress. I don't know what to do. Do I tell her than that I won't be able to stand up in her wedding? How would y'all feel if one of your bridesmaids weren't able to purchase the dress?
I had a bridesmaid drop out of my wedding and it hurt that she couldn't be in it and I do feel awful about not getting the dress but at the same time I feel that two weeks isn't much notice.
What are your thoughts on this?
Honestly, after a detailed email from you and if it means a lot to her that you are in the wedding she should buy the dress for you and you pay her off in installments or at a later date, after all her wedding isn't for a while. That is what I would offer to do.
ReplyDeleteI think that if she is a good friend that she would certainly understand and the purchase the dress for you... and when the time is right, and money is available, you can pay her back later.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the 2 previous posters. I actually felt bad about the price of my bridesmaid dress ($220) so I secretly paid some $$ towards each girls' dress, which was a nice surprise for them when they paid their second payment.
ReplyDeleteMaybe she didn't understand the breadth of the e-mail and a simple call asking if she could purchase it for you and you pay her back should be sufficient. Heck, even throw out there that as soon as taxes are done you may be able to pay her back much sooner than you think.
Good luck!
That's a really sucky situation, it is SUPER EARLY to be buying a dress for a Summer'11 wedding but I understand if its her dream dress and will discountinued soon. It would suck for you to have to drop out of the wedding because you can't buy the dress. I agree with the ladies who commented before me- explain your situation in detail and I'm sure she will TOTALLY understand and should want to help and buy the dress for you to pay her back when you can. Tell her you REALLY want to be with her on her special day but theres just no way you can pay for the dress right now short of selling a kidney. If I were her I'd buy the dress for you right away!
ReplyDeleteotherwise, do you have a mom/dad/sibling who could put it on their credit card for you?
It is completely understandable that you don't have the money to buy the dress right now. I know that it is a hard time financially and at least you wrote her a detailed email about it all. I think that if she truly wants you to stand up in her wedding than she could fork over the 80 bucks and let you pay her back. Let her know that you just aren't going to be able to pay for it right now and if that means she doesn't want you to be in it than that is her decision. Tell her you still want to but you just can't pay right now.
ReplyDeleteIf I was the bride I would buy the dress myself and then have you pay me back when you could. Do you think she would do that if you asked?
ReplyDeleteI haven't had much experience with this. I have only been a bridesmaid once and the dress was so cheap I didn't think about it too much.
Hopefully she would work with you :)
Depending how close you are to the bride, i would ask her if she could get it for you and as soon as you figure out your taxes you would make payments toward her. I know that david's bridal usually gives brides credit cards and often brides use this and purchase bridesmaid dresses. I was in a wedding and have a similar situation and the bride put in on her DB card and i paid her as soon as i could. I would try not to drop out because as you know that feeling sucks. I had a girl drop out on me 3 weeks before my wedding. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteAren't weddings so stressful? I still haven't decided which was more stressful for me - my own wedding, or being a bridesmaid in my childhood friend's wedding! There is the term "bridezilla" for a reason. I hope it all works out for you - and I totally agree with everyone else's comments. If I were the bride I'd spring for the $80.
ReplyDeleteif she is a true friend she'd understand your situation and be okay with you either dipping out as a bridesmaid or offering to help defray the costs of the dress (or pay for it altogether--and you just pay her back). good luck...I hope it all works out!
ReplyDeleteHow long have you been friends w/ the bride and how often do you see her?? Form a Bride to be in ONE WEEK :), I had one BM drop out on me b/c of her spending habits (she did it 6 months after commiting and 5 months before the wedding)- but sounds like you are in a real situation and you have a very close eye on your money. Also it's positive that you are able to explain the situation in detail (meeting to talk it over as well might help vs email- emails are ALWAYS read the wrong way), etc... on the other hand I had my sister almost drop (MY SISER) b/c of money for a dress etc... since she is my sister I was willing to buy her dress and have her pay me back, but that was b/c she is my sissy. I am just putting the other side out there (the Brides side) that she might not even be one to jump on buying the $80 dress b/c than why wouldn't she do that for all of the BMs?... anyway, if you are the Best of Friends she will understand and for sure purchase but if not super close she may be hesitant but do understand (also as a former bride) money is ALWAYS on her mind as well and $80 for her at this moment might need to go toward something else... hope that helps.
ReplyDeleteIf any of my bridesmaids told me they couldn't afford the dress, for a valid reason I would absolutely offer to buy it for them.
ReplyDeleteI think everyone's given you solid advice. My MOH is a single mom going to school full time so I didn't even consider asking her to buy her own dress. I would just ask her if she could pick up your dress and that you'll pay her off once you get your finances situated. If she doesn't agree, quite frankly, she's being unreasonable.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all I dont get why ladies ask their friends to be in the wedding and than make THEM pay for THEIR dress. I didn't make my Maid of Honor pay for her $120 dress. It was MY wedding for crying out loud, I asked HER.
ReplyDeleteI agree with PP, you did what you could by writing a detailed email explaining your situation and if she really wants you in the wedding she needs to pay for the dress and if you really must, pay her back when your financial situation is better. Her wedding is more than a year away...I am sure she will find the same looking dress if not another one she likes better between now and then...
Hey there... new follower here. However I wanted to add my two cents. :) Personally, I think that it's too soon to purchase a dress a year and a half in advance however if it's that important to her, she should buy the dress and have you pay her when you can. If not, it's not rude to back out. My Maid of Honor backed out on me in my wedding and it all worked out in the end. Life is to short to stress about stuff like that. :)
ReplyDeleteHmm that is tough. As a somewhat recent bride, I had 7 bridesmaids! AND their dresses were about $160. I had one bridesmaid who I know couldn't afford the dress, so I just paid for it for her and didn't tell the other girls. It was SUPER important to me that she was in my wedding.
ReplyDeleteSo I think in your circumstance just tell her how honored you are to be in her wedding, and due to all the CRAZY circumstances you just can't do it right now, and see what she says. Also if she doesn't call or emial back soon I would call her, these conversations are better at least over phone vs. email and then she can see that you really do want to be in her wedding.
I think it'll be all good girly! Best of luck!!!
Honestly I don't know what to say cause this is a really tricky situation. I can see your point, you just don't have the money right now and can't do it. And normally I'd say if she has the money then it should be on her if she really wants you in her wedding. But if shes got money issues going on too then that is a different story. Maybe you could tell her that you'd pay her back once you know it's okay to spend that money? Or could you possibly charge it until you have the money? Tough call. Good luck.
ReplyDeleteI was actually part of a wedding where this same thing happened. Dress was being discontinued so the bride called and gave us like one week to buy it! One of our best friends couldn't afford it at the time and didn't know what to do. She ended up just telling our friend she couldn't be a part of the wedding because of all of the costs it entailed. My friend (the bride) was really hurt that she didn't come to her first and explain, the bride said she totally would have spotted her the money but at that point it was too late and the bride didn't want to feel like she was begging her to be a part of it if she really didn't want to.
ReplyDeleteOn that note, maybe you should try to explain the financial pinch right now and see what she says. The worst she could say is no, but if she truely wants you to be a part of it I'm sure she'd be willing to help. I'd give her a call about it or send another email explaining just that. good luck and I hope things work out for the best!
I think if you're close enough for her to have asked you to be in her wedding, she would be close enough for you to be able to ask her to cover you on this, just temporarily! And if its a huge deal and she doesn't want you in her wedding because of it....well, maybe thats a good thing??
ReplyDeleteWell I feel that she is a good friend then she will understand were your comming from and maybe she could purchase the dress and you can pay her back later or ya'll could work something out I don't think she should get mad or anything about that though..And How creepy was it when your neighbor was taking pics of you EW gross creepy mccreep Eww I hate people like that..
ReplyDeleteEh, that's tough. I feel like if it were me getting married and one of my girls were in the same place that you are, I would offer to either help or loan her the money. I mean... if you think about it as a matter of $20 a week, then you could pay it off in one month. Or if that's too much to cut from one area of your life, $10 and pay it off in 2 months. It's a touch situation, but hopefully your friend will understand whatever decision you make.
ReplyDeleteThat is a really tough one!! I can definitely see both sides!! (And as far as the 1099 thing goes, this was the first year my husband received one, too, and we were completely taken by surprise at how much money he owed!! We ended up paying an accountant $80 to prepare our taxes for us & saved us about $1000 from what I had figured with HR Block. I know that was a really random tidbit of info, but I've been looking for all the advice I can get this year, so maybe it would help you, too!) Good luck!
ReplyDelete