Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Losing Control and being ok with it

It is hard for me to let go and let myself lose control. As someone who is a Type A personality, has some OCD and anxiety issues you can see why this would be a problem

After Gianna was born my OCD skyrocketed. I couldn't stand when the house was messy. And by messy I mean a few toys scattered around. I'd walk behind Gianna as she was playing and clean up after her. I only ended up creating more work for myself since she would just walk right behind me and take everything back out. Yet this was a routine I did over and over.

The older Gianna got the more established my cleaning routine became. As soon as she went to bed at night, I cleaned. I figured once baby boy came I could keep up my cleaning schedule. Big mistake

Poor E gets horrible gas at night and literally screams from 8-12 most nights. I do a dance of swinging, swaying, rocking, bouncing, etc just to try and get him comfortable. This of course leaves one exhausted Mama

So I found myself cleaning during nap time. This was also not a good idea. For a number of reasons. One being that the instant Gianna woke up the house became messy again. The other being that this didn't leave me anytime for myself. And with two kids under two in the house that is time much needed. For my
Sanity and for theirs. I realized this after I experienced a panic attack Friday night. It was awful

I started to realize that if I make myself overwhelmed, sick and exhausted due to trying to make everything perfect at home
It's going to be me and the kids that suffer. In a parenting class I took last week I learned that if we as parents don't take care of ourselves, we become unable to fully care for everyone else 100 percent.

So as much as Legos and stuffed animals all over the floor may drive me crazy I vow to sit back and relax. Whether its cuddling with the kids, taking a shower or reading a book I need that time to catch my breath and breathe. Who cares if the house is messy, who cares if the kids and I are still in our pjs. When I spend time with them instead of gettin all caught up in my to do list we are making memories that last a lifetime.

Slowly but surely Im learning to let go and live in the moment

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

1 comment:

  1. i find that as long as the kitchen is picked up by the end of the day and before i go to bed, i feel OK if nothing else is picked up. its just that kitchen that i HATE to wake up to as a mess- so... maybe find that ONE thing that you HAVE TO HAVE to have clean each day no matter what... that helps me ;)