From the moment I found out I was pregnant the biggest issue I had was that I felt like I was hurting Gianna in some way. Jipping her of a childhood in some way. I know now that that was a crazy way to feel and that it wasn't true in the slightest but it was hard not to feel like I was damaging her in some way. I would cry when I wasn't able to chase her around the yard due to the heat and the extra 20 pounds hanging on me. I would feel bad when I was too tired to do anything but cuddle on the couch and watch tv with her thinking to myself that I need to do more to stimulate her than turn on the tv. But if I could go back and do it over I would tell myself that Gianna was loved every second of every day, she had all her needs met and that she never wanted for my attention, hugs or kisses.
One thing I wanted to do was give her a nice big sister gift. Even though she is only 15 month's old and doesn't truly understand why she got a gift, or even what was going on with brother being born I still wanted to make it special. I thought long and hard about what I wanted to give her. Since getting a doll for her birthday, Gianna has become attached to her baby. She rocks it, and pushes it around in her stroller and will not go to bed without it. She is truly the sweetest little girl and it is so fun to watch her play with her baby. Originally I wanted to get her a cabbage patch doll but then found out about the American Girl Itty Bitty Baby collection. Now I love American Girl dolls. I had three as a kid and all of the books. I can't wait until Gianna gets older so we can read them together and I can give her my old doll's and expand her collection. So this was the perfect way to start. I purchased the doll that looked like her and wrapped it up. Ready to give to her on Ethan's birth day
Shortly after Ethan was born my parent's brought Gianna to the hospital. She was in her pink tutu and big sister shirt I had picked out just for the occasion. I waited for my little girl to come running to me for a hug but when she entered the room I got nothing. She bypassed me and continued to ignore me. Even when M gave her her present and we tried to get her to come over to me she refused. I didn't exist. And the doll. She was interested in it for about 5 seconds before wanting to run all over the room and pull all the cords off that were connected to me or the bed.
Again the guilt came back. I was devastated that she didn't run into my arms and cling for dear life. But I assumed that would happen once I was home from the hospital. I missed being away from her those two nights and couldn't wait until my parent's brought her to the hospital. And although she was still leery of me I knew it would get better
Once home, it was more of the same. Sure she showed interested in baby brother, Patting his head, shaking his bouncer and getting mad when I laid him in "her" little lamb chair but to me she was oblivious. She went to my parent's for everything and would rarely let me cuddle. Every night I'd go into my room and cry. I even called the hubs after he left and said that I think that I damaged her in some way. That her's and I relationship would never be the same. The hubs, poor guy who just left his newborn son and daughter now had to deal with a crazy, hormonal wife on the phone. But he said just what I needed to hear. That she will be fine. That she won't remember this years from now and that she knows I love her more than anything and that she loves me as well.
These past few weeks have def gotten easier. She gives her brother kisses and loves looking at him. She is back to her usual self with me and I can't wait until I'm fully recovered and able to pick her up, and take her to the park and resume all our normal activities. All in all she has adjusted very well. Although the tantruming has started. The all out, falling to the floor kicking and screaming. And hiting and biting as well. I got smacked across the face when I wouldn't let her play with my glasses the other day. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Each time though I ignore her behavior's, and don't give in and as quickly as they start they stop. I know she is at that age when these behavior's are likely to start but it makes me sad that my sweet little girl can act like this!
But all in all things are going well. Once the hubs gets home I plan on taking G out for a mommy daughter date! I never want her to feel replaced, nor do I want little guy to get ignored either. But I will figure it out!