A few weeks ago I posted my decision about being a stay at home mom. Then yesterday I got a call from the company I had sent in my resume to over a month ago. I set up an interview for this Thursday without discussing it with the hubs or even thinking about it. The minute I hung up I looked over at Gianna and burst into tears. I started thinking about not being home with her every day, missing all of her first's and doing that gave me a full blown anxiety attack. I could not calm down!
When I first stopped working due to the move I thought I would go crazy staying at home. Then Gianna came along and I knew I didn't want to go back to work. I have loved staying at home with her so much. It is amazing how she changes day by day and I love being able to stay home and experience that with her. She is such a happy baby that I worry about if daycare would change that. She is highly needy and loves having her mommy close. And I have no problem with that
Originally the hubs and I discussed me going back to work when she was a year old but since he will be deploying around then we decided that I wouldn't be going back. I feel that having the hubby gone constantly is enough for her to get used to. She needs one parent constant in her life and I want that to be me.
I know I'm probably stressing over nothing. I haven't even interviewed yet or been offered the job. But when I go in there I am going to be honest and explain that I am only looking for something part time and it would all depend on the child care I could set up.
After doing some more thinking about it the only reason I would be going back to work is for the paycheck. While things are a little tight now, we are managing just fine and sure the extra money would be nice but it is not a necessity. So why even go back? It's not like I'm going bored staying at home and am looking to get out of the house for a few hours every day. I'm not bored at all. I honestly don't even know where the time. I am constantly busy.
And I def don't want someone else raising my kid. I wanted a baby for a reason and that reason wasn't to put her in daycare so I could work all day and we could still have the same lifestyle we had before she came along. I just don't know what to do. Maybe I should just cancel the interview? Ugh I'm torn
As you can prolly tell I am stressing big time about this decision. I'm going to give myself another anxiety attack!