I have been trying to write this post for the last few days but was afraid to put it all out there, for fear of sounding crazy lol. But here it goes
To say this week has been horrible is an understatement. I am so tired of being sick and alone. I caught that cold/flu bug that is going around and it has been awful. From what I hear people are out of work everywhere and this strain lasts for a week if not longer. There was even a statement issued on the news and an article in the newspaper from the hospital off post telling people that if they have a cold/cough not to come in. My mom wanted me to go in and be seen but for what I wasn't sure. Obviously being pregnant there isn't much I can take and even if I wasn't I never take cold medicine because it makes me feel weird. I def didn't want to take something and feel even worse.Also waiting in the waiting room somewhere probably would have made me even sicker. So I took tylenol and stuck to all natural remedies. My cough has lessened some, my fever is gone and I feel slightly better, though in between throwing up, diarrhea and lack of appetite I lost ten pounds in three days. That freaked me out. Yesterday I was at my breaking point
I was a hysterical mess thinking that with me being sick I have somehow hurt the baby. I'm terrified that monday when I go in for my 16 week appt that something will be wrong with the baby. I have friend's who are a few weeks behind me that already are feeling the baby move. Granted it's their 2nd or 3rd kid so I hear that's common but still I was freaking out.
I've always dealt with anxiety but I've noticed that since M has been gone it's at an all time high. I'm terrified about everything. I'm afraid to be alone and I want M home. I honestly feel as if I am depressed or something and I know I shouldn't be. I'm so excited about the baby and to be pregnant. I'm just terrified that something will be wrong the baby. That I did something to hurt the baby.
I'm trying to keep myself busy and occupied but that's hard. Especially when your cooped up in your house for three days.
But I'm trying to stay positive and can only pray that me and the baby will feel better soon