Wednesday, April 24, 2013

What's your love language

I'm sure many of you have heard of the book the Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman.

The husband and I read this before we were married five years ago. Of course then when we were in the infatuation stage of dating we didn't really think too much of this book. Sure we thought it made some great points but we vowed we would never become that couple that took the other for granted. Or the couple that didn't make time for each other, and who stopped  doing things for the other person. And in some ways we have become that couple. It is easy to put your relationship on hold after kids arrive. Especially when the kids are babies. Life automatically becomes about them. It was easy to fall into the roles of mom and dad but  it's hard sometimes  to remember that we are still a husband and a wife. Our spouse needs us to fill those roles.And these past few months with the husband being gone it was easy to put the kids first before our relationship. Now that he is home we want to make our relationship a priority

 Marriage takes work. You both need to put forth the effort in order to sustain a lasting relationship. Especially a romantic one. Having kiddo's and going through numerous deployments and training spent apart has both strengthened our marriage and hurt it in some ways.
5 years, 2 kids and 4 deployments later I know clearly that there is no one I would rather spend my life with. My husband and kids have made all my dreams come true and more and I wouldn't change anything about my life or the person I share it with. Still I think it's time for a marriage tune up!

So when my small group decided to do the five love langauges as our next study I bought two copies of the book, sent one to the hubs and started reading. 

Basically the book states that everyone feels and receives love differently. The author narrowed it down into 5 categories. Or the 5 love languages. They are receiving gifts, words or affirmation, touch, quality time and acts of service. And everyone falls within a different language. Including your spouse. And in order to sustain and grow your relationship you need to learn how your spouse views and receive love in order to truly understand your spouse. Here is a little bit about the different love languages

Receiving Gifts- Pretty self explanatory. The person feels loved when his/her spouse brings her a gift for no special reason. And the gift doesn't have to be expensive. Just something thoughtful to show the other person you care and are thinking of them

Touch- This isn't necessarily sexual. It could be hugging, kissing, holding hands, back rubs, etc. In our small group it was decided that most men's love language is touch

Quality Time-The person feels love when spending time with his/her partner

Words of affirmation-The person feels loved when they are told they are love, appreciated or praised for all that they do

Acts of service-The person feels loved when their partner helps them out with chores, or runs errands without being asked. Things like that

My love languages are gifts and acts of service. The husband's is touch and acts of service

A few month's ago our pastor did a message series about love and relationships. He stated that when it comes to showing our partner love, we do things that we would like them to do for us. And that doesn't necessarily show them love since everyone is different.

This made so much sense to me and is something the author of this book states as well. Throughout the whole deployment I sent my husband sweet little packages and gifts hoping to show him how much I loved and missed him. Don't get me wrong, he appreciated the gifts but it's not like he got all excited about them which would really hurt my feelings. And by the middle of the deployment I was getting seriously irritated that I wasn't receiving any packages from him. This made me feel like he didn't love or miss me

So sitting down, taking the love language quiz and reading this book together has been eye opening. He does not need gifts to feel loved, but I do. Now he knows how to fill my love tank up so to speak and I know that sweet little packages are not the key to his heart.

Click here to take the quiz to figure out you and your spouses love languages. There is also a children's addition of this book so you can figure out the best way to connect with your children as well 

Just figuring out what mine and my husbands love language is has been so helpful. We know now what the other person needs from the other in order to feel loved and appreciated. I'm excited to put these principles into action.

There is no better father and husband than the man I am married to and I always want to make sure that he knows that. I don't want us to wake up 20 years from now, with the kids outta the house to find that we have become strangers. 

Has anyone else read this book. What are your thoughts?

1 comment:

  1. i have not read the book but have taken the quiz with the hubby in a marriage class and loved finding out our love languages. we are both the same in acts of service and quality time.

    it really helps knowing what it is that we both need in a our relationship and from one another.