Sunday, April 21, 2013

A letter to my children

This post was written last week as we awaited the arrival of my hubby.

Dear Gianna and Ethan

In a few short hours your dad will be home. You both have no idea what is going on. I bathed you early and dressed you up in matching onesies with the logo of your daddy's unit on. You may sense I am anxious and nervous and of course you are right. It's been 9 months since he has been gone. A lot has happened since then

Gianna-you weren't even 1 when your daddy left. When he left you were walking, although still in that unsteady baby gait. Your thigh rolls were prominent in every baby outfit and your talking consisted of a few words. Now you are a tall, skinny thing. With a vocabulary like crazy running all over the place. Your dad is going to be so shocked to see you

Ethan-At 6 months of age you are totally unaware that your daddy has been gone, let alone existed. Sure he ws there for your birth for a few days, and then spent 2 weeks with you  when you were a month but other than that he has missed it all. Your colicky period, your screaming fits and then watching you develop and emerge into a totally happy baby with a personality starting to shine through.( Lets just say though that if your first word is daddy, I'm going to be so mad!)

As excited as I am for your daddy to come home, I'm sad in some ways. These past few months have been one big slumber party. Just us 3 navigating the world together. Our days have consisted of playdates, trips to the park, playing on the beach, cuddles on the couch, lazy days watching disney movies, playing with toys and many nights camping out in mommys bed.

Some days were hard. very hard. With both of you sick and clingy my attention was divided and I couldn't give you both the 100 percent you deserved. But we got through it. Some days I woke up not wanting to get  out of bed, to wallow in sadness. but waking up next to Ethan's smiling face or walking into Gianna's room, where you always greeted me with a smile I knew that I couldn't be selfish. That you two were depending on me. And I on you as well.

You both have made this deployment fly by.You have shown me that I can do it all when your daddy is gone. That I shouldn't doubt myself as a mother or a wife. That my insecurities are just that. Insecurities. You've also shown me the beauty of the little things. I don't have to do it all. The laundry can wait, if we eat hot dogs for dinner it's ok and the  house doesn't have to be spotless all the time. But watching you play Gianna or snuggling on the couch with you Ethan are what really matter

So thank you for teaching me how to let go, enjoy living in the moment and showing me that I am stronger than I ever thought possible

The three of us will go through deployments many more times together. And as you get older I know they will get harder. For you will both know what is going on. The questions will come, along with the hurt and the confusion. I will always be here for you to help ease the pain of daddy being gone. I love you both so much
Now let's go pick up your dad. For I know he is beyond excited to see you.


  1. Wowww, what an adorable & emotional letter. What a great memory to look back in the future & reasuring that things will be okay through whatever comes next.

  2. This is beautiful. It took my breath away and I'm sitting in a pool of tears. You know just how much I can relate. I can't wait to say those words, "let's go pick up your Daddy". I can't even imagine..still seems so far off.
    I'm so so happy for your reunion! I hope everything is going smoothly!