So Over It

When my husband first told me he would be deploying, I was excited. Now before you all write me off as a heartless person let me explain.

The last time my hubby deployed we had been married for only a month. Even though it was M's 7th deployment it was my first and our first as a married couple. I stayed in WI with my family and friends and had no one there that had every gone through a similar situation. M and I fought constantly and were horrible to each other. Obviously we worked out all of the problems we encountered during that deployment and our relationship only got stronger because of what we had faced. I knew that when he deployed again we would be ready for it. So when we got the news that he would be leaving I was excited to not only prove to myself that I could handle a deployment I was excited to prove to him that we could make it through this deployment without any of the problems we had before

And we have. Our communication has greatly improved. Last deployment if I missed a phone call I would beat myself up about it and we would get irritated at the other for either not calling or not answering. This time we set up a time for M to call and if one of us was busy we would email the other to let them know and not get upset about things. If we did get into a minor argument we got off the phone before it would escalate and talk to each other later on in the day. We have spent our phone conversation planning activities to do when M gets back and just making sure we let the other person know how much we miss each other

I have also surprised myself with how I have handled this deployment. After all this time I am away from my family and living in an apt by myself. I threw myself into work and school and have the most amazing friends that are always there for me when I need them. My friends and I have at least one night a week we get together for dinner and we are always together on the weekend. My hubby laughs at me because I am always on the go and never do anything to relax but for me the busier I am the faster the time goes.

I also have found a part of me again. A part of me that I hadn't realized was missing. This past year I was so concerned about being the perfect wife, friend, employee and student that sometimes my priorities were out of whack. I spent alot of time trying to maintain friendships that were never meant to be, I focused all my energy on work and school and then would feel guilty if I didn't have enough time to give to my hubby. IF I spent a lot of time with the hubby I felt that I should be studying more or working more. I never took the time to enjoy what I was doing.

This deployment made me realize what is truly important and has helped me realign my priorities. I can't wait for M to come home and be able to spend all of our time together. School is over and I am cutting back on my work hours this summer. I am finally getting to be more like the care free girl I was when M and I went instead of always stressed and anxious. Even M has commented on the change. It has been nice to feel more like me again. I have started reading a lot again, working out more and eating a more balanced diet. I also have spent time with my amazing friends and our relationships have grown. I have finally found my group of friends here in NC who I can't imagine not having in my life. I am def in a happy place right now

However I am def over this deployment. Remember a few months ago I posted my list of things I was excited to do now that the hubs will be gone, you know things like sleeping with the tv on, watching girlie movies and reality tv without being made fun of, not cooking, etc

Well those things have all gotten old. I am ready for the hubs to come home so it is him I am sleeping next too not the dogs. I am ready to have someone to watch tv with again and someone to go out with during the weekend. I miss my babe and am ready for him to be home

I am officially over this deployment