Empty

I just got home from dropping off Tank at the airport and let me tell you, I lost it. I was already a mess when I woke up this morning. Last night I decided to not put him in his kennel because I knew today he would be in it for the duration of both flights and a layover. I decided to camp out in the living room with my two dogs and Tank so that way if he needed to go outside we were right by the door. Tank slept until about 130am and then woke up to go outside. I then figured I should probably go to bed since today is my long work day. I put Tank in his kennel for about 10 minutes. He howled the whole time so I picked him up and carried him to bed with me. Tank was such a little cuddle bug. My other two dogs piled on the bed also and we all slept curled up together.

When Tank and I woke up this morning I think he knew something was up. Normally he can't wait to play with the big dogs and is full of energy. This morning he just laid in my bed and would let out a few little cries. This caused me to cry because I just felt awful about putting this poor little puppy on a plane.

I packed up his kennel, made sure it was secure and took it to the car. Normally he runs to the door and tries to come out with me but this morning he stayed put. The whole car ride to the airport he lay curled up in my lap. My friend J met me at the airport. I started blubbering like a baby as soon as we got out of the car. It didn't help matters that the woman behind the check in counter told us it's cruel and inhumane to ship a dog. I felt awful. Here this dog was abandoned, shuffled to four different homes and now has to board a flight to go to his 5th home. I felt like I was taking a baby and putting him on a flight with no supervision. I am terrified something will go wrong. that he will be scared that he will be traumatized for life.I know many people don't understand. But I've always been a softie for animals and get attached easily. We took Tank outside and fed him a little bit before putting him in his kennel. I bought him a special bone for the flight and he actually went into his kennel without a problem.It was awful leaving the airport, I cried the whole way home and know I won't be able to relax until I know he made it safely. I wanted so bad to keep him for myself but 3 dogs in an apt building is way too much, Especially with M being gone alot and an upcoming PCS.
What's funny is that my dogs are moping around too. My youngest dog refuses to eat or get out off my bed. She too is normally hyper in the morning and runs all over the place.

I don't know why I am taking this so hard. I know that it's just a puppy. That he will be ok and he's going to a good home. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that in the past month I've been to the airport three times and have had to say goodbye to someone. Then once again I return home to an empty house. I know I have my two dogs but they don't require alot of work. The puppy kept me busy which always helps when your hubby is deployed. I also can't cuddle with an 80 pound lab without being squished so it was nice to have a little puppy to cuddle with.

I am dreading going to work today and really just want to stay in bed all day and sleep. Ugh it's going to be a rough day